Page 27 of Dangerous Refuge

“What the hell were you thinking? On the day of Red’s funeral?” He holds his hand out palm upward. “Keys.”

I reach into my pocket and pull out my car keys and slap them on his palm as I open the car door. I would have killed those men if Matty and Rome hadn’t interrupted me. As I sit down in the passenger seat of my car I notice Rome climbing into Matty’s car. Being dragged home by my younger brother’s isn’t something I’m proud of, but at least I have a safe ride with a sober driver.

“You are impulsive and irrational. You’re going to get yourself killed or thrown in the clink.” Matty fires up the engine and pulls into traffic, headed toward my house. “Yeah, well you just need to let your inner demon out a little more. You have no idea how freeing it is to let loose.” I really wish I had that last bit of Scotch which Tony is probably mopping off the floor right now. I’ll have to remember to drop him some cash to replace the broken stools. It isn’t the first time I’ve had to do that. Probably won’t be the last. He was right to call my brothers.

“I thought Dom told you to grow up? You know he takes orders directly from Dad still.” Matty cares too much what our father and brother think. He has yet to really break the need to please people. He would, someday.

“I thought you’d grow a pair too, but you haven’t.” I tug on the handle to lay the seat back and recline. My head is pounding, swirling with the sweet pungent whiskey. I may not show emotion like other men, but that doesn’t mean I’m not grieving. Those punches were my tears. There will be many more like them before I get comfortable with the idea that Red is gone. Hopefully, some of them will land in Paul’s face.

The car ride is silent, and Matty follows me into the house, giving the keys to Gerard—probably to make sure I don’t head back into town and kick those guys’ asses. As I’m sitting down on the sofa in my den, Allie walks in. I have no clue what my face looks like after bashing those two idiots around, but I feel it throbbing. She looks up at Matty and then at me, concerned.

“What happened?” she asks, tiptoeing past my brother. “You said you were going to a funeral.”

Matty snorts and shakes his head. “Bar fight—after the funeral. Who are you?” He jerks his chin up and stares down his nose at her for a moment. “You’re that woman from the diner.”

“Allie,” she says, but she only looks at me.

“Fuck off, Matty,” I growl, and I can tell my words are slurred.

“Don’t let him drive.” Matty walks out and I hear the front door shut, and Allie crosses the room, scowling at me. Her petite form looks delicious. I’d like to have her, but given how much whiskey I’ve just drunk, I don’t think I could stand, let alone fuck her. My eyes are heavy, blinking slowly as she hovers over me. She smells like strawberries in summer. I reach for her but she steps away.

“Your face looks awful.” Her tone is not compassionate. It’s accusatory. “You are bleeding again… You know, being here seems to be more dangerous than Paul ever was.”

I try to stand, but at best I can only lean forward and plant my elbows on my knees as I endure her lecturing. I can’t even blame her. She came into my life at a really shit time and she’s seeing it at its worst.

“I don’t feel safe here, Sven. I want to go back to my apartment before the landlord gives up the lease to someone else.”

“You mean run? Don’t you?” I ask, swaying. My eyes turn up to her face, but my vision is blurry. “Because you have no intention of staying around here with that nasty-ass ex of yours hunting you. Where will you vanish to this time? You know he’ll just find you. I won’t be there to protect you again. He’ll kill you, you know? And he’ll take Rico for real.”

“Shut up!” she hisses. “He’s twice the man you are. At least he never came home dripping in someone else’s blood.”

“Go to your room, now!” I stand, forcing myself to balance. “You agreed to this arrangement. Now just fucking do what I say.”

She glares at me again, but doesn’t argue, for which I am grateful, because the moment I sit back down, the alcohol gets the better of me, and I shut my eyes, fading into darkness.

15

ALLIE

Clutching the tea mug between my palms, I stare into Sarah’s eyes. Sven allowed me to use his car and his butler to have a short visit with her, after me throwing a tantrum again. He insisted it wasn’t safe, but when I told him Rico was staying at the house, he finally permitted it. Now I just want to feel better. My heart has been on a yoyo for days. Sven has truly done what he promised to do—protect me from Paul. But for every moment of feeling safe from my past, there has been a moment of feeling afraid for my future with Sven.

“But did you try to talk to him about it?” Sarah pries, sipping from her own cup. We aren’t even drinking tea; it’s just soda, but Sarah likes fine things, and thus the tea cups.

Her entire apartment is one fancy thing after another. She’s modest, so nothing is too pricey, just in great taste. An old Victorian settee by the window, for example, which she purchased while thrifting for only five dollars. Then she recovered it with fake velvet and painted the worn-out wooden frame with gold spray paint. I love that old settee. It’s things like that that make me wonder if people can change too, or if at their core they’re just an old worn-out piece of furniture at risk of breaking beneath a heavy ass.

“That didn’t go so well,” I tell her, sipping my lime-green carbonated drink. It’s not name brand—she’s too frugal for that—but it’s a drink. “Probably my fault for attacking him with my questions and accusations rather than talking, but I was afraid.”

The old leather recliner squeaks as she reaches to set her cup on the table. I mimic her actions, setting mine down too. The glasses clink on the glass surface where rings remain from previous drinks whose sweat ran down and puddled as they warmed in the hot New York humidity.

“Look, so you don’t know what he does for a living. He’s never hurt you, has he? Never raised a fist to you, or struck you…” Sarah curls her legs up into the chair, sitting cross-legged like a child. I want to remind her to never sit like that, but I bite my tongue. She has no idea the toll that takes on her hips and lower back. She’ll end up with surgery if she doesn’t change her habits. Something my mother used to lecture me about, back when my mother cared.

“You hoo… Allie.” She snaps her fingers in front of my face and I shake my head.

“No, he didn’t hit me. I mean, once he grabbed my neck, but he stopped immediately and backed away. Sven isn’t violent with me. And every time I’ve seen him interact with Rico, he’s been about the most honest, real person I’ve ever seen. Rico really loves him.” My shoulders droop. Sarah’s question hit home.

“And he stopped Paul from getting Rico,” she points out, literally. She points at me. I hate when she’s right. I just feel powerless in Sven’s home. I’m not used to this feeling. I’ve been running from Paul for so long, I gained independence. I hate being boxed in. I want my freedom, at the same time as enjoying safety.

“What’s the harm in just trusting him?” Sarah drops her hand into her lap and shrugs. “Remember you can just file for divorce later on. Right now you’re just feeling brave because you’re untouchable. Paul can’t get to you where you’re at. If he was here in this apartment right now staring you down, would you still want to leave Sven? Would you still think Sven is more dangerous?”

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