Page 32 of Passion

“There” —she pointed at my face— “there is that look again. What’s actually bothering you?”

I frowned. I could tell the photographers were about done getting our next shot ready and I didn’t want to feel angry when I walked out there into the sun. I was angry with Daven, but this wasn’t his fault. I had been the one to drink too much and not use protection. I had to accept the consequences of my own actions.

“I’m pregnant.” I blurted it out, cringing as soon as the words left my mouth. I didn’t even look at her. A complete stranger, she was the first person I told other than Midge, and I regretted the slip as soon as I saw her face.

“Wow, have you told Fink yet?” Hanah was never expressive with her face except to smile. So, to see her with a look of shock meant I’d really surprised her. She glanced over her shoulder and then looked me square in the eyes. “How far along?”

“No, I haven’t.” I looked around nervously to make sure my agent wasn’t listening. “I’m like seven weeks, maybe. I haven’t seen the doctor yet. I’m worried about how my body will change and what it will do to my career.” I picked at my fingernails nervously, cleaning sand from beneath them. I felt vulnerable and exposed. If Hanah told Fink, it was as good as signing my pink slip.

“Well, I can’t help you with that one. If you’re going to keep it, you need to tell him soon.” She picked up her water bottle and took a long drink. I had no idea what to say to her. Luckily, a reprieve came in the form of the photographer calling her over for the next shot. I remained under the shade of the tent, stewing on my predicament.

When I found out I was pregnant, I was devastated. But the more time that passed, the more I realized maybe I wouldn’t mind being a mother. The problem was that I had to tell the father. That was something I was sure was going to go over about as well as a fart in an elevator.

I sank onto one of the director’s chairs situated in front of a giant fan. The air blew across my moist skin, dampened with sweat from the hot day. From the minute Lucas offered to fly me home, I’d felt like I was using him. As nice as he was, I didn’t want to lead him on. I should have turned away his charity and gone home. The trouble with that thinking was that I was already pregnant at that time and I hadn’t even known it.

Now, with a job I'd scored because of him, and after having spent several weeks in his home, eating his food, using his cars—there was no way to untangle this mess without just being real. Midge had called him my sugar daddy, which made me want to be away from him even more than before, but that only left a hole in my heart. Lucas had filled that spot so well, so naturally. Circumstances beyond my control had thrust him into that position that Daven had occupied, and now I didn’t know what I wanted.

“Everything okay?” Mr. Fink offered me a cold bottle of water and I took it.

“Relationship problems.” I slouched into the seat farther.

“Been there, done that. Just takes time, kid.” He slapped my shoulder and gave it a squeeze, then traipsed out across the sand in his dress shoes and suit. The man had to be sweating like a pig, but he never dressed in casual clothes for a shoot, not even at the beach.

I should have told Lucas the second I found out, but I hadn’t, and the more time that passed, the more anxious I got about doing so. My heart wrestled with the yo-yo of wanting him, but not knowing if I was ready for that. Did I want him because of the hole left behind following my breakup with Daven? Or did I want him because he was genuinely a man I could connect with and see myself with long-term?

The photographer waved me over, and I set the bottle of water down without even having taken a drink of it. Duty called. Maybe if my career of modeling got ruined by the changes I would experience in my body, I could make a career out of acting. I was definitely getting good at pretending I was happy when inside, I felt like the hurricane of the century was trashing everything.

26

LUCAS

Ipointed across the empty deck at the strand of bulbs that was only half-lit. “There, can you fix that?” The waiter looked where my finger pointed and smiled.

“Of course, Mr. Smith.” He hurried off to make that last fix to the décor, and everything else was complete.

I stood surveying the scene. I rented out the entire deck of La Reserva, a Brazilian restaurant on the coast with incredible seafood. The expansive deck overlooked a private beach. Palm trees grew up around the perimeter of the deck, shading the dining area on sunny afternoons, but this evening they were strung with lights that chased each other in circular patterns. Large, glowing ornaments hung from palm fronds, and individual globe lights sat as the centerpiece of each black-clad table.

Money couldn’t buy everything, but it did buy this spectacular dining experience for me and Vera, and I was thankful she had agreed to come. I stood by our table waiting for her to arrive. I’d told her to wear something nice, though I hadn’t specified exactly how nice. I wore a suit, not the tux the evening should have required. In my pocket was a ring—not an engagement ring, but a promise ring. A promise to care for her so long as she would let me.

I intended to apologize for overstepping my boundaries with her apartment and making her feel like she wasn’t able to care for herself. I also wanted to ask her to come back. I knew her apartment wasn’t safe, and I believed that given enough time, she’d make that decision on her own too. It didn’t hurt to nudge her in that direction, though.

“Sir, Ms. Davids is here.” The waiter who fixed the lights approached me, moist towel in hand. He held it out to me, and I used it to wipe my brow.

“Who is showing her back?” Extending the towel back in his direction, I felt my nerves rising. This evening had to go perfectly. I wanted Vera to feel so swept off her feet that she forgot about being independent. I loved her self-confidence and independence. I just wanted her to make room within that to depend on me at times.

“Sir, Mr. Thoms himself is showing Ms. Davids back.” The younger waiter bowed and scurried off, and I straightened my tie. When Vera walked in, I was mesmerized. She wore a form-fitting black dress. The neckline was high across her collarbone, but when she turned to thank Julien for escorting her, I saw the back was completely open, from the button at the nape of her neck to the small of her back where a hint of her black lace panties peeked out from beneath the rayon dress.

“Vera, you look absolutely fantastic.” I took her gently by the arms and offered a soft kiss on her cheek. My usual light peck on her forehead wouldn’t suffice for this moment.

“Thank you, Luke. You did all this?” She gestured around the deck, empty of other patrons but full of lights and ambience.

I nodded and walked around behind her, pulling her seat out as Julien—my college best friend and former golfing partner—walked away. “Yes, well I wanted us to have privacy to enjoy our meal.”

When she was seated, I took my place. The wait staff had been ordered to bring us our meal in several courses. We settled into a natural conversation about her jobs and how things were going. She asked me about Ella and how the house was going with the minor repairs needed after the hurricane. It had been difficult to source supplies for a few weeks after the devastation, but I’d managed to ship them in from Washington state.

“And how are you liking the new apartment?” I leaned back as the waiter set my main course in front of me. After the salad and rolls, I was very much looking forward to the mussels in wine sauce that I’d ordered for both of us.

It must have been the wrong question because Vera seemed to shrink back when I asked it. She had been a bit sullen all night anyway, but the introduction of her living situation probably only reminded her of how I had tried to get her landlord to make needed repairs.

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