Page 12 of Got to be You

As he touches her arm lightly and they start talking intimately, I know what way this is going today. I turn away to give them the privacy that they need and remain where I am, alone, just watching Jax enjoying the attention from everyone. This is a sign, isn’t it? A sign that we should end things here because while his popularity is only going to increase, he’ll have less and less time for me. I should walk away now with my head held high, safe in the knowledge that it was fun while it lasted. Yes, it’s done now and it’s time to walk away. I nod to myself, drinking just that little bit more to convince myself, before I walk away.

Anna is too wrapped up in Adam to notice me leaving. Thank goodness, because I don’t need to the pressure of her begging me to stay, and Jax is too involved with his newfound fans to care. He isn’t missing me, he won’t notice me gone, and there is no point in sticking around when I’m unhappy.

The cold air hits me hard. The night is brisk and harsh, sobering me up somewhat. But it doesn’t do anything to quell my emotions. If anything, they heighten, and with no one to watch me, I really start crying, which irritates me because getting hurt and having my heart broken is exactly why I didn’t want to get too involved with anyone here in the first place. I predicted that this would happen, I knew it wouldn’t end well, yet I pushed allof that to one side and did what the hell I wanted, anyway. I’m an idiot.

“He’s special,” I whisper into the night winds. “He’s special, and I have to let him go.”

It crushes me. It’s more of a physical pain than I was expecting. It’s like my heart is actually cracking in my chest. I press my hand to the pain, wishing it away, but I can’t get rid of it. In a way, I want to run away from all of this, maybe leave my semester here behind without completing it and head back to my own college where I’m safe, I know where I stand, and there isn’t anyone like Jax to confuse me.

Finally, I reach the bedroom where I collapse onto the bed. Before I make any snap decisions, I need to sleep this night off because I might just be in the middle of a blip. I haven’t felt any urge to leave this place before. If anything, I’ve wanted to stay because of Jax. While this might not be ideal, I suppose it is a good reminder that I can’t make my decisions based around one person. He can’t make any choices based on me as well. We have to focus on our own futures and remember that this is a fling. Maybe a fling that I’ll always remember, but a fling nonetheless. Not a happily ever after for sure…

Knock, knock.Something disturbs me from my sleep. Not that it was a pleasant sleep. I was having the worst nightmare of everything being taken away from me bit by bit.Knock, knock. Knock, knock.

“Alright, alright, I’m coming,” I groan as I haul my tearstained body out of bed, silently cursing Anna for clearly either forgetting or losing her keys as we were out tonight. “Hold on just a second.”

My head is pounding, my body aching, and the last thing that I need is to be woken up because I don’t think I stand a chance in hell of getting myself back to sleep with my head racing in the way that it is all over again. I must have wept myself into nightmare land, and now I don’t think I want to go back there, much less that I can. But I also don’t have the emotional energy to lecture Anna about her keys again…

“Jax.” I don’t know what to say as I find myself staring at him. This must still be a dream.

“Lilly, where did you go?” I can’t deny how real he feels as he engulfs me in his arms. The warmth that surrounds me feels amazing. It’s hard to remind myself that it’s fleeting when he’s here. “I missed you. I kept trying to get to you all night long, but no one would let me go. I’m so sorry.”

I should stiffen, I should protect myself a little bit, but I can’t. I’m weak. My arms snake around him, and I hold him close to me, inhaling him deeply, loving every second of holding him like this.

“I left because I was tired,” I lie. “And I felt a bit in the way, to be honest. I didn’t want to ruin your fun. You seemed to be having the best time ever, and I didn’t want to get in the way of that.”

“Are you joking?” He cups my face in his hands and stares lovingly into my eyes, silently reassuring me that any doubts I’ve been having about us are meaningless. “The night was so good because of you. You organized it. You got everyone there for me.But even with all those people there, I only wanted you. I just wanted to be with you the entire time. Next time, we should celebrate, just the two of us.”

“Just you and me?” I can’t help myself, I light up in delight. “I like the sound of that.”

“Dinner for two. Romantic movie. Night under the stars. Whatever the gorgeous Lilly wants.”

Oh, my God, I’m swooning. He’s the perfect man for me. I’m head over heels.

Don’t fall again,I warn myself pointlessly.Don’t get hurt once more. You know how heartbreak feels…

The only problem is the hurt feels worth the pain when I’m with him. I would walk through fire to be here with him at the end of it. I can’t stop my head from spinning, my lips from reaching up to meet his, my hands from tugging him into the bed with me so that I can finally hold him in my arms once more.

Jax is right, we should celebrate just the two of us more often. Everyone else can have him once this is all over. I’m not going to get the longest time with him, so what I need to do instead is embrace every second that I have with him. After all, I’ll need the memories to get through the rest of my days.

I can’t imagine that I’ll ever meet another man like him, so I’ll need to commit every part of him to memory. The sensation of every muscle, the feel of his mouth on my skin, the sensation of him buried deep inside me, because oh, my God, every single thrust is mind-blowing.

I call out his name over and over again as he sends me to heaven, not caring if everyone else in the damn building can hear us. I just feel like this is different, it’s unique, it’s special. Jax doesn’t care if I look rubbish because I cried myself to sleep only a few hours ago. He doesn’t seem to see any of that. He just seesme. I know it’s only going to get harder and harder to let him go, but how can I stop myself from getting just one more hit of my own personal brand of alcohol?

I sink deeper into my feelings with every single kiss, every single touch, every single time he plunges inside me. I know this is dangerous, that I’m really going to be so deep in love in a moment that I won’t be able to get out, and as the orgasm hits me hard, I don’t even care. I want this too much. I wanthimtoo much. Jax Thom is an addiction that I’ll never be able to quit, even if he turns me into a wreck and absolutely ruins my life. The moments with him will make it all worth it.

9

JAX

Oh, God, now I’m really nervous, like a small kid on my first day of school, about to meet all his new classmates while feeling like the dorky kid no one is going to like. But this isn’t school, this isn’t new classmates. This is new potential bandmates, so it’s even more important. I need them to like me, for us to have the sort of chemistry that will make us a good band, for us to play well together. If none of that happens, then my future is put on hold once more and there’s no telling when I’ll get the chance again.

“So, Jax, this is Spike, the drummer.” I nod and shake his hand, trying to smile through the anxiety. “And Harry, the bass guitarist. Guys, this is Jax, the frontman. I think you will all get on well.”

“Hey, Jax. Good to meet you, man. I love your guitar.” Harry immediately does his best to put me at ease. “I think we’re going to have a good thing going here, don’t you? I’m excited.”

“Yeah, I get a good vibe from you.” Spike nods and agrees. “But the proof will be in the pudding. Let’s all get playing this song, and we will see how it works as we’re all playing together.”

I nod and agree with the guys. As much as we seem to like one another, there’s no point in getting too connected with one another if we don’t play well. That’s going to be the decider in all of this. Will is waiting for that to happen as well so that we can move forward with our plans.

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