Page 19 of Got to be You

I don’t know what to do, and I can see in my friend’s eyes that he doesn’t have any advice for me either. I can’t even tell if he fully trusts me or not, which is killer. If he doesn’t believe that I did nothing wrong, then how will I convince Lilly that I’m not a bad guy? She must hate my guts so much.

“You need to… to talk to her,” Adam finally tells me in a shaky tone. “Sort this out. If you want to.”

“Of course I want to! I love her, Adam. I want us to make this work. I have to go now.”

I run out of the room with my head all in a spin, regretting every decision that I’ve made to bring me to this point. I can’t believe what a mess I’ve made of things. How will I make it right?

“Lilly?” I bang on her room door hard. Maybe a little too hard. “Lilly, I need to speak to you.”

I hammer on the door, the panic getting more and more to me by the moment. The less time that she spends answering me, the more wound up I’m going to become. I need her to answer now.

“Jax, will you calm down?” It’s Anna who answers the door, and she doesn’t look happy with me. “Why are you banging the goddamn door down like you want to put a hole through it?”

“Is Lilly here?” I’m shaking. I can actually feel myself trembling. “I need to speak to her.”

“About the fact that you cheated on her?” Oh, God. If Anna has seen the picture, then Lilly has definitely seen the picture. “Yeah, I don’t think she wants to speak to you, which is hardly a surprise.”

“It isn’t what it looks like, Anna. I wasn’t kissing her. I never would.” I throw my hands in the air in dismay. “Yes, I was talking to her, because she took me and the other bandmates to the VIP section of the club and she was telling me a lot about LA. But I didn’t kiss her. I never would. I’m not like that.”

Anna rolls her eyes, disbelieving me. “You were drinking, though, so maybe you did.”

“I didn’t drink too much. I didn’t want to do anything stupid and make an ass out of myself.”

“Well, it happened anyway, so what can I tell ya?” She leans against the door frame and hardens her eyes at me. “Honestly,Jax, I don’t even know what to say to you right now. I’m horrified.”

“You can be horrified at me,” I insisted. “But can you yell at me later on? Right now, I just want to straighten things out with Lilly because I can’t stand the idea of her hating me.”

“Why does it even matter when you’re going to be leaving here soon?”

“Because, Anna, just because I’m leaving, it doesn’t mean that I don’t want to be with her anymore.”

Anna stares at me like I should shrivel up into a ball, but I’m standing tall. Yes, clearly, I’ve done wrong in her eyes, there is no denying that much, but I know the truth and for that reason, I can keep my head high.

“Well, you’re too late,” she finally tells me with a one-shouldered shrug. “Because Lilly has gone. She left this campus because she doesn’t ever want to see you again. She did leave you a letter, though.”

“Wait, what?” I grab onto her arm. “What do you mean, she’s gone? Because of me?”

“Yes, because of you.” She shakes me off hard. “Because you hurt her badly. Whatever your excuse is, she’s devastated and that’s why she’s gone. Here, take this. It might explain more.”

She hands me a letter before slamming the door very hard in my face, completely shutting me out. But I suppose there isn’t anything left for her to say to me now. We’re done. I have Lilly’s last words to me. Maybe I should wait to read them because I can already feel my heart shattering into a million pieces and Ihaven’t even seen what she has to say yet, but I can’t stop my fingers from tearing it open.

Jax,she has written in her beautiful cursive,I don’t blame you for what’s happened. I get it, especially when we were always on borrowed time, anyway. I’m grateful for what we shared, I have the best memories of it, and I’ll always be wishing you luck from where I am.The necklace that I bought for Lilly slides off the page and into my palm, bringing an intensely heavy weight with it.But I have to go now. You must live your dream, and I must live mine. Love always, Lilly.

“Oh, my God.” I don’t know what to say, what to think, but I’m crushed. Heartbroken and ruined. I didn’t want to do this without Lilly, and I still don’t. Especially when it’s ended on a mistake. I need her to know the full truth before she makes any final decisions. I can’t leave it like this. I just can’t. “What can I do?”

My pulse pounds, my brain darts all over the place, the letter and the necklace tremble in my fingers. I need to do something, anything, to make this right, and I certainly can’t do it standing here like an idiot. No, I need to snap myself into action. I need to find a way to solve this.

14

LILLY

Ring, ring… Ring, ring… Ring, ring…

Shit, I’ve become the person who forgot to put her phone on silent as she came into the library to study and now I can’t damn well find it in the bottom of my bag. My cheeks flame red as I dig deeper and deeper and try to find it. By the time I lay my hands on it, I might as well be a beetroot.

“Katie?” I whisper as silently as I can once I answer. “Can I call you back? I’m in the library.”

“No, you can’t,” she snaps, shocking me. “You need to come back to the room right away. That guy is here, and he’s refusing to leave, however much I tell him that he isn’t welcome, until he speaks to you.”

---