Page 30 of Got to be You

If Lilly makes me feel this way, then all I want to do is be near her, close to her. I want to hold onto her just like I used to. But Ineedto find a way to keep my head on straight around her. I caused enough hurt in the past when she thought that I'd kissed that pop star, whose name I can’t even remember anymore since she faded out of the limelight, and then I left afterward. I caused so much pain to the one person I care about more than anyone in the world. We willjustmeet for a chat and nothing more.

“Okay, well I’ll see you later.” I step closer to her almost as if I’m about to hug her, but I think better of it at the last moment. “I hope you… you know, enjoy the show and all of that.”

I feel like an idiot as I say it to her, like I’m a pretentious asshole. It’s one of those phrases that we say all the time, but now, saying it to her, I feel like I’m an idiot controlled by the record label.

“I will.” But Lilly just smiles as if she doesn’t see anything wrong with what I just said. “You too.”

Then she leaves the room, leaving me in a total fog of confusion behind her. I slump back into the seat and let my head fall into my hands. What am I doing? What am I playing at? Why am I allowing myself to get into a situation that I just know is problematic? Just because I still have feelings for her…

Oh, God, I still have feelings for her! Holy shit. I think I might have known that for ages, but now it’s hitting me in the face like a massive thump. It’s hitting me so hard that I can hardly breathe. I’ve never stopped loving her, no matter what I’ve been through. That’s why I haven’t gotten attached to anyone else. Nor have I even tried, because I know no one will ever compare.

“You have probably made a giant mistake,” I hiss to myself. “This is so dangerous.”

Yet my heart is pounding harder, I feel like the blood is pounding quickly around my body, and I can’t seem to stop a smile from creeping to my lips. It feelsrightto see Lilly again. I mean, she did say that our paths were going to cross once more, didn’t she? And that it would end up with us back together again, so maybe that’s what’s happening here. Perhaps I really am getting so lucky.

“Jax, where the fuck are you?” Spike bursts into my room looking more chilled than normal. It leaves me wondering if he has kept away from the drugs for the night because this is a bigshow for us and we all agreed to be better. “We need to get our asses together. It’s soon time for us to get out there.”

I nod eagerly and manage to smile at my friend, because I do still count him as a friend no matter what has happened here. “I’m coming. We’re going to do our best show in a very long time.”

“Harry said the same thing.” Spike nods eagerly. “And I think so as well. There is just a differentvibetonight, isn’t there? It’s like our homecoming. I can feel it in the air. It’s everywhere.”

I can too, even more so now that I know Lilly still has my necklace on. That is a fact which will stay with me for a very long time. I really do feel like it means something special.

22

LILLY

Watching Jax sing brings a tear to my eye. I remember watching him for the very first time and how it made me feel. That feeling is back once more with a vengeance. Wow, right now, it’s all of me, consuming me, swallowing me up whole and refusing to spit me out. Not that I want to be spat out.

Sure, the music isn’t as authentic as it was back then. There is a more manufactured feel to it which I’m sure happens over time, but the way he delivers it is mind-blowing. That X-factor someone needs to make it in the entertainment industry is something he has always had, and it’s still there. It remains strong inside him, making his performance absolutely incredible. Just heart-stopping.

No wonderLionHearthas so many dedicated fans. The crowd is going wild with every little thing that they do, and the intensity of their cheers only grows stronger by the moment. Jax and his bandmates have everyone speechless, and I include myself in that. I don’t know what to think about it all.

“Wow.” Anna grabs onto my arm as she swoons. “He’s kind of amazing, isn’t he? And to think back in college, he was just Adam’s annoying roommate. I had no idea what he was about to become.”

I never knew, either. I mean, I did in a hypothetical manner. I knew that he had what it took to go far, but I didn’t realize it would look like this when he ended up famous. I didn’t know he would become a shell of his former self. Up on stage, singing, he’s magnetic, but I can still feel that sadness radiating from him.

All I want to do is reach out and touch him, to help him, to drag the real him back out, but right now, I can’t. I’m hoping that by the time I get to speak to him tonight, I can figure it all out.

“Hey, we’re going to a nightclub after this,” Anna hisses to me. “You want to come with us?”

“Er, I don’t think so.” I shake my head. “I have plans after this. Sorry, though.”

“You have plans?” She stares at me doubtfully. “This late at night? What are you up to?”

I half consider not telling her anything, but at the last moment, I change my mind. It’s probably better for me to let someone know what’s going on so I’m accountable for what happens.

“I agreed to meet up with Jax. I think we need to have a one to one chat. There was a lot that we couldn’t say when everyone was in the room. So, I’m meeting him afterward.”

“Yes! That’s great,” Anna surprises me by declaring. “That way, you canreallyget your closure. A bit like I did with Adam.” I’mgoing to try and ignore the way that she’s giving him goo-goo eyes right now. “It will feel good. I want you to have the same powerful sensation that I’m having. I can do anything.”

“Yep, that’s right.” I smile reassuringly at her. “That’s what’s going to happen. Once this is over.”

The show goes on, and to be honest, I don’t want it to end. I’m really enjoying watching him work, watching the music come from him. But eventually, it ends. It has to. There is no choice. Things as awesome as this can’t go on forever. As soon as the band is gone for good, the crowd deflates. The atmosphere vanishes as the crowd ebbs away, leaving only me left behind. Even my friends go, off to some nightclub where I’m sure the night is going to end in debauchery and regret. Especially with Anna and Adam, judging by the way they were looking at one another. But that isn’t my issue. Now, I need to focus on calming myself down until I can finally see Jax once more.

I feel a little lightheaded and breathless again as I wait to see him once more. It’s a little less intense than before because we’ve already seen each other, but I’m still nervous. How could I not be? This is the only person I’ve ever been in love with, so being around him won’t be easy. Especially since I’m not there for that capacity but to help him with whatever he might be struggling with.

“Jax.” Oh, wow, as soon as I spot him coming toward me, I feel weak at the knees. Not a good start.

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