Page 31 of Got to be You

Jax grins once he lays his eyes on me too, warming up my entire body with just one look, and he heads to me quickly. I can’t help but feel like I’m the luckiest woman in the world. All the people who were at theLionHeartgig want to be in my position, but it turns out that I’m the only one allowed.

“Hey, Lilly. How are you?” I nod my reply because I’m unable to form words. “Do you want to get out of here? I don’t know where to go, but there will be a lot of photographers around here.”

That idea instantly makes me nervous because I’m definitely not one for the public eye, so I come to a quick conclusion that we need somewhere private to have this chat, like my apartment.

“I have my car out back. We can sneak out to my apartment, if that suits you?” He nods eagerly, so without even thinking, I take his hand and pull him toward me so that we can escape together.

We run to the car, trying to hide as much as we can as we go, and we end up giggling like teenagers as we do. There is no place for awkwardness when we’re like this, thank goodness. The night will definitely go easier without it. He’s more likely to be honest with me if we’re comfortable.

“We did it!” I hiss once we finally slide into my car. “Can you believe it? We did it.”

“Not quite yet,” he reminds me. “We still need to get back to your home, don’t you forget.”

Acting like a getaway driver, I speed off until we’re hit by rounds of laughter once more. The giggles remain until we crash into my apartment and we’re finally locked away from the rest of the world.

“Oh, my God, that’s the most I’ve laughed in ages,” Jax says as he wipes his eyes of all the laughter tears. “I feel like my life is way too serious at the moment. I’ve missed having fun.”

“Yeah, you don’t seem too happy.” I dive in tentatively. “Is there anything you want to talk about?” Immediately, he shakes hishead no. “You don’t have to worry, Jax. I don’t have an agenda here. I just feel like… like maybe you need someone to talk to, and I’m here for you. Just an ear.”

He stares at me for a few moments, almost as if he’s trying to gauge how truthful I’m being. In the end, he seems to settle on the obvious conclusion that I do have his best interests at heart.

“Well, it’s just been a lot recently,” he finally admits. “It’s heavy and constant. Nothing is my own. I’m more just a pawn in a game. Just the figurehead. It’s pretty intense if I’m honest with you.” He sighs heavily. “I like playing music, that’s always been my passion, but these aren’t even my songs. They’re the songs that the record label give to us, you know? So, it isn’t exactly what I dreamed.”

“Oh. I see.” I don’t quite know what to say to that. “I guess it isn’t ever quite what it seems, is it?”

“No, that’s right.” He smiles thinly. “It isn’t what I thought, and I think it might be because I naively raced into it too quickly. I didn’t think, I just wanted to live out the rock star dream. Like an idiot.”

My pulse races faster as his eyes lock with mine. I can almost feel him thinking about the past, just like I am. Thinking about how good it felt to kiss him, to be with him, to have his body pressed up against mine.

“Well, I think we all made mistakes,” I say hurriedly as I yank my eyes away from him. I don’t want to get caught up in that feeling or the last three years might melt away into nothingness. “It’s what we do about them that counts. How we fix things and make it right. What lessons we learn from them.”

“Right,” he shoots back. “But the only problem is because of contracts and legal shit, I don’t know what I would be able to do about it. I don’t know how to make things right.”

“You want to leave LA?” I didn’t quite realize it was that serious. “Leave the band?”

“I don’t know. Maybe.” His head falls into his hands. “I don’t know what I want anymore.”

I rest my hand on his shoulder reassuringly, wishing there were so much more that I could do for him. He really is unhappy and potentially trapped as well. I don’t know how to get out of legal stuff.

“Have you tried talking to the other guys in your band?” I offer. “Or maybe a lawyer?”

“I haven’t really done anything other than sink too deeply into a bottle.”

He meets my eyes once more, and I can feel the sadness rolling off him in waves. This is really destroying him from the inside out and I’m honestly out of my depth. He ran off, leaving me behind to live out his dream come true, but it seems like he has found himself in hell instead.

“Sorry.” He shakes his head dejectedly. “I shouldn’t be depressing you with my miserable life. Not when I bet you’re doing amazingly. You don’t want to be left drowning in my bullshit.”

I don’t need to go into details about my life, not to show off when he’s struggling. “Jax, when we met all those years ago, we had a connection. That bond is still there. If I can do something to help, I will.”

“You think we still have a bond? Even though I think LA might have turned me into a bit of an asshole?”

I can’t help but laugh at that self-deprecating comment. “Well, if you know, you can change it. And yes. Of course we still have a bond. You and I are going to have a bond forever, aren’t we?”

Our eyes meet and the air swims. Both of us get lost in the memory of the bond for a moment, wondering where it could have taken us if we had refused to give it up. I was so sure way back then that it could only end one way, badly and with hearts broken, but maybe, just maybe, I was wrong.

I don’t know who makes the first move. I don’t know what happens, to be honest, but the next moment, all the talking is over and we’re kissing like there’s no tomorrow. It definitely shouldn’t be happening. There is no way that this can end well, but my God, it feels good. My hands are hooked around his neck, his snaking around my waist, pulling us closer together because neither of us wants to let go…

No wonder no one else has worked out. They haven’t stood a chance compared to this chemistry, have they? My life would be so much easier if I had found this again with someone more suitable. Everything would be perfect. Instead, I’m kissing Jax the rock star, the man IknowI can’t have.

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