Page 34 of Got to be You

“Stop.” I can’t listen to any more words. I feel like the tears are dripping down my cheeks. “That’s enough. You got the gist of it, anyway. We spent the night together, the most amazing night ever, and then this is what I woke up to in the morning. He was gone, and it seems like he isn’t ever coming back.”

“Shit, Lilly, that’s messed up.” Anna leaps up to give me a hug, which I desperately need. I sob against her hard. Maybe I wasn’t quite as ready to talk to about it as I thought I was. “I can’t believe I didn’t see what was coming. I didn’t know you guys were still in love. This is so sad as a love story.”

“It isn’t a love story, is it? It’s a fucking tragedy and I have to live it.”

“It doesn’t have to be, does it?” Anna leans back to look at me. “I mean, if this really is love, then why let all of these barriers get in your way? If you two are unhappy when you’re apart, then why not go for it?”

I let out a little laugh. “But what about all your closure stuff? Putting things behind you? I mean, look how it worked out for you. If you hadn’t moved on then you wouldn’t be so happy with Matt.”

“But that’s me,” she exclaims. “That’s my situation. It’s different. Adam and I could have been together if we were compatible, but we weren’t. My boss and I weren’t, either. I needed to say goodbye to the cycle, and that’s why I needed the closure. But it was different for you and Jax, wasn’t it? It always was. You guys were like love’s young dream who had life taken away from you. But now you have a chance.”

“How do we have a chance when things are like this? Did you see the letter?”

“I did, but it doesn’t say that you can’t chase him down and do a big, foolish, grand gesture.”

“But won’t that make me a fool?” I ask sadly. “What if it all goes horribly wrong?”

“Being a fool for love means that you’re willing to do anything for that person. It might go wrong, but wouldn’t you rather have all the answers in the world than be constantly wonderingwhat if?”

Huh, she has given me a lot to think about. Too much, to be honest. My head is spinning with it all. I don’t want to be left with unanswered questions. That’s the whole point. I still need closure. I need what Anna has. Even if the closure turns out to be us saying goodbye to our past and moving on together, which is actually the outcome that I really want, then that’s better thanthis, isn’t it?

I don’t know, I have no idea what the best idea is right now. I’m just floating through life with absolutely no answers. But this gives me another avenue to at least think about. I don’t want to focus on that right now, though. It’s too overwhelming. I would much rather focus on my friend’s happiness tonight because atleast that is positive. Much better than the tragedy that I can’t seem to escape.

What am I doing?Anna’s influence is just too much for me, because now that I’m back at my apartment, I can’t help but think that heading off to see Jax in a big, grand gesture is actually a good idea. It doesn’t necessarily have to be LA because he’s on tour at the moment, isn’t he? I could just follow him and find him in whatever city he’s in, then tell him that I’m willing to find a way to make it work for us.

God, it’s scary, isn’t it? To imagine putting myself out there like that. But if it’s for Jax then I can do anything for him, can’t I? Even if it terrifies me to the core. I have to be stupid to get the man I love.

I search his name online, something that I’ve pointedly avoided doing up until now because I haven’t ever wanted to know about him, but it’s the only way I’ll be able to find out where he is at the moment, and as soon as I do, I begin to understand everything in a way that I haven’t ever done before.

“Fuck.” My hands clap to my mouth in shock. “Oh, my God, holy fuck.”

My heart sinks, sickness swirls in my stomach. Things that I didn’t get before are now clear as day in a way that I don’t even want to acknowledge. Jax didn’t leave me for all of these noble reasons. He isn’t anything like the same guy I once knew. He’s an absolute asshole. The worst of the worst.

“A girlfriend?” He has a girlfriend. A well-known Hollywood actress who is so gorgeous that I can’t believe he would ever cheat on her. Especially with someone like me. “Oh, fucking hell.”

I hate him. Ihatehim. I despise his fucking guts. What a nasty piece of work. How could he do this to me? He knew that I was wearing his necklace, he knew that I still love him, and he took full advantage of that. He slept with me and ran off, leaving me once more. Iwouldhave been a fool for love with him, arealfool. An idiot who looked like a total twat. Thank God it didn’t get that far. Thank goodness I saw this first.

“We werenevermeant to be,” I hiss angrily to myself. “Never, and this just proves it. Asshole.”

I can move on from this. I have to now. I can’t cling to the past any longer. The Jax that I was in love with doesn’t exist any longer. When he walked away from me, he lost himself and lost me too. That’s all I need to know. Now, I can start again and bloom like Anna has, hopefully leading me to the love of my life… the real one. The one who won’t make me cry like Jax has, over and over again.

25

JAX

Idon’t like this building. Not at all. When we first came here to meet with the record label, I thought that it was all shiny and posh, the most exciting thing to ever happen to me, but now it just feels shimmering and fake, like it covers up all the shit that goes on inside. All the manipulation.

Everything that happens within here is to confuse newbies, and I really fell for it.

“What are we even doing here?” Spike asks angrily as he paces up and down in the waiting room. His eyes look heavy and blackened, like he hasn’t slept for days. That happens a lot when he has a binge. “Why don’t they just see us already so we can all get some rest? The tour has just finished, and it’s fucking taken it out of all of us. Why the hell can’t they just give us a minute to recover? Goddammit.”

I part my lips, about to say something in retaliation, but I can’t really be bothered. Especially since I do understand his attitude completely. Sure, I might not have been on any kind of binge. I’ve been keeping sober since I spent the night with Lilly because I don’t want to be that person any longer, but I still get that hewants a break. We all do. We need that space away from the band and each other as well.

Mostly each other, actually. I know Harry was talking about getting his own place soon enough if he’s allowed, and I want to do the same thing. I need to. I need my own freedom.

But freedom isn’t something that this record label likes to offer. They want more from us so that they can get more money. We don’t have a choice in it, so what can we do?

“Just sit down, Spike,” Harry growls angrily. “Don’t make this worse than it already is.”

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