Page 16 of Protected By the SEAL

“This is it,” Benji reassures me, which allows a wave of relief to crash through my body. “Let’s get inside. I have a room.”

The last steps toward the bedroom are somehow even harder than all the ones through the jungle, but the hope of rest at the end of it gives me tunnel vision. I can ignore the dizziness swimming about in my brain and the strain to stand up. I canbypass every single ache that rockets through my body because soon enough, I’ll be able to collapse and lie down.

A bed.Oh, my God, the moment I spot it, my heart damn near stops beating. It looks so soft, so comforting, so welcoming. Thankfully, Benji doesn’t seem to mind as I collapse onto it, which is great because it’s the exact time the emotion gets to me. Without any warning, tears spring out of my eyes and fall down my face. Everything that’s happened crushes me.

The fake job, the fact that I fell for an offer that was clearly too good to be true, being knocked out and taken to the jungle by Alex, Alex’s death, hiding out in fear with Benji, not being able to speak to my family, Benji… in the tent, us having sex…

Oh, God, I have no idea what to think about that now. I think I might be a little bit ashamed of the way I pounced on him like that. It’s embarrassing and maybe seems a little bit desperate, which is why we haven’t discussed it yet. I’m sure that just like me, he doesn’t know where to even begin. He might not even want to. For all I know, casual sex might be a big part of Benji’s life and he hasn’t given it a second thought. Something that has impacted me like this in such a dramatic manner might be meaningless to him. I don’t know if that makes it better because it saves us having to talk or a whole lot worse because it’s messy.

Either way, I can’t seem to stop myself from crying now. I bury my head in the pillow and weep. Everything has been life-changing, a lot of it terrible, and although it’s great to have survived it, I don’t know how to carry on living. I honestly can’t imagine it right now, which is pretty overwhelming in itself. The idea of going back to how things were before…

“Erm, I think I'd better call my boss,” Benji declares as he steps away from me. Thank God he can sense that I just want to be leftalone at the moment. I don’t know how I would take his being comforting. It’d make me worse. “I’ll just be over by the window so I can hear him properly. But let me know if you need me, for anything at all, that is. I’m right here.”

I nod gratefully but don’t pull my face out of the pillow. I don’t want him to see me like this. He’s seen me in just about every state possible now, but the last time my face was stained with tears, it was before we slept together, and I would much prefer to keep it that way. I want to know what’s going to happen next, anyway. I know the motel isn’t a long-term solution.

“Max,” Benji declares, presumably contacting his boss. “I need a way out of here. We need to go now.” There’s a brief pause before he continues talking. “Yes, everything went pretty much to plan. There were a few hiccups along the way, which is why I need the plane now. It’s crazy out here, and the gang is still out for blood. They aren’t giving up.”

A tight knot of anxiety forms in my chest. I have a feeling this isn’t going how Benji wants it to. I risk darting my eyes to see him and immediately find myself looking at a man stiff with tension. His mood floods the room. I don’t know how he does that.

“What do you mean, weather conditions? Max, we seriously need a way out of here now. This is urgent.”

I bolt up into a sitting position to drink some of this in. I suppose on the one hand, it’s good that it’s stopped the tears from running, but the unbridled terror in its place isn’t much better. Despite the intensity of the heat, there’s a block of ice in my chest. I can’t stand this, the idea that no matter how far I go, no matter how much we fight for survival, it seems to be inevitablethat I’m going to end up dead. The odds are completely stacked against me in every way.

I don’t want to die, but it doesn’t seem like I’m going to live, either. I don’t stand a chance in hell and it sucks.

“So, we just have to wait here like sitting ducks until you sort something out, Max? I don’t like that one bit.”

The argument between Benji and his boss rages on, needlessly so, in my opinion, because Benji isn’t going to win. If there are weather conditions preventing our rescue, there isn’t anything that can be done about it. Unless… oh, my God, unless I contact my father now. Benji did say that I could once we were safe and at the motel. Maybe he will help us somehow. He could come himself or get over his dislike of the cops and get them out here. One way or another, we could leave faster…

A small level of excitement builds in my chest as I wait for Benji to finally give up the argument and hand the phone over to me. It takes longer than I would like. I honestly begin to become a little frustrated with him, but finally, it happens. I don’t think Benji even knows that I’m paying attention to what’s going on because he seems a little stunned when I grab his focus.

“Benji, I need to call my dad now,” I gush, happy to finally be able to contribute even the littlest bit. “I think he might be able to help us. He will be able to get someone to come and give us a ride out of here. He’s much closer than your boss…”

The words trail off my lips and the happiness ebbs off my shoulders as I watch Benji shaking his head no, shutting me down already. I don’t understand why he won’t allow me to doanythingto help us get away from here.

“I’m sorry, Cassie, but we can’t. Max thinks that your family’s phone lines have been tapped, and the house might be bugged as well. As far as I know, the cops are working the case, but it means we can’t contact them at all. It will be like sending up a red beacon to the gang. I think the press might be an issue as well, which is why we have to keep silent. Just for a little while longer. But Max is on it. He might not be able to get a plane to us right away, but I trust my boss. He will sort it.”

“Well… why doesn’t he just call the police?” I throw my hands in the air helplessly. Maybe the cops aren’t always to be trusted. I don’t know. I don’t have enough information to make that decision myself. “Surely, we need to dosomethingright away.”

Benji steps closer to me and rests his hands on my shoulders. “It will be fine. Wearegoing to be safe from here.”

I wish I could believe him, I really do, but I’m not too sure about anything right now. I don’t knowwhatwill happen next, who will manage to save us. After moving like we have, it’s quite frustrating to just sit around. But as I stare into Benji’s eyes, I remind myself that my father hired this man for a reason and that it’s a good reason, so I should just trust him. Plus, Benji has done everything that he can to keep me alive up until this point, so I should let him do what he thinks is right, even if I’m afraid.

“Okay, so we wait,” I reply dejectedly. “Wait until the weather passes over or whatever. I understand.”

“I know this is hard, Cassie, believe me, I do get it. But this is what we need to do. It’s the only way.”

I fall back on the bed and lie back, allowing my frustrations to wash over me. I would love so much to speak to someone I know out of this experience, just to have a reminder that thereare other things going on, but I can’t. I have to remain in this isolation until some guy called Max does something to get me away from here. I don’t have any choice…

Before I can get too wrapped up in my misery, Benji surprises me by lying gently on the bed beside me. He’s on his side so he can look at me, and I do the same thing. It’s a little intense to be looking at one another like this, but it’s also familiar. We crossed that line last night, so it doesn’t seem strange. And he really does have beautiful eyes anyway, so I don’t mind the idea of staring into them until we have some kind of answer. It’s better than getting worked up, anyway.

I don’t even mind his seeing me after I’ve been weeping now. I need his eyes on me to calm me down. The way he looks at me creates an unexpected stillness to the world. It doesn’t matter how much of a flap I’m in. It all melts away. Benji has a power over me, and it’s one I need in my life. I didn’t realize that I spent my whole life worrying, even under the most normal of circumstances, until he came along. If Benji can cool me down now, then he could do it through anything.

I like him,I realize as we look at one another.I really like him, and he seems to care about me as well.

When I think of it like that, I don’t know how quickly I need to leave after all. Sure, I don’t want my life hanging in the balance, but I guess once we’re out of here, we’ll go our separate ways and our little moment together will become a moment etched in history. One that I’ll never forget, sure, but not something that I can hold onto, as much as I would like to.

No one has ever made me feel the way that being in Benji’s presence has. I can say that with utter certainty, even if it hasonly been a short time together. I don’t know if there’s another man who could make me feel like that. I might go the rest of my life searching for that feeling Benji gave me and never find it. I want to remain in the bubble that we have created for ourselves for as long as we can. Even if nothing else happens between us, just the sensation of him near me is enough.

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