Page 21 of Silver Fox's Intern Dilemma

It was an odd but pleasant sensation, sharing my bed with a woman again after so long. There had been several nights over the past few years where Leah sought comfort by climbing up next to me during a thunderstorm or after having had a nightmare, but otherwise, I'd had this whole king-size bed to myself.

Last night, I lay curled around Sophia's body for the large part, except when she woke to use the toilet and came back, whereupon she held me briefly. I woke slowly, listening to the sound of her light snoring and trying to wrap my mind around what was actually happening.

We'd had a few brief conversations about why this entire situation was a bad idea—the hospital policy, our distractedness, the way others might perceive us, including my ex-wife. But none of those rationalizations seemed to stand up to the immense chemistry we had when we got together. And last night when Sophia asked me if it would be so bad if we leaned into the chemistry and connection, I just lost it.

Life hadn't been easy for me. It had been one struggle after another, and I credited my persistence and determination, as well as ambition and drive, to that struggle. They say whatdoesn't kill you makes you stronger, and I was living proof that statement was true. If I had been a weaker man, I would have given up years ago.

So when such a treasure like Sophia came along, I couldn’t resist rewarding myself for all my hard work and consoling myself after all the difficulties I’d endured. It was wrong of me. I knew that much. But I had no self-control around her. She was the kindling, and the raging forest fire inside me needed to devour her.

I pulled her against my body and breathed in the scent of her auburn hair, sweet, floral hints. It was so much more than just a guilty pleasure, however. Sophia felt like the missing half of my soul that I'd been searching for my entire life. She fit me in ways Dana never had, like our shared passion for medicine and helping others. Or the fact that we could talk for hours about anything and not grow bored of one another.

With Dana, I had never been able to sustain a conversation about anything that interested me. She'd have turned to her phone or book, whatever it was she was doing. Though, when we discussed her hobbies and interests, she engaged wholeheartedly. It was that way with a lot of things, and while I could discuss book club and shopping deals for a while, there was only so much I could give without needing to be refilled myself.

"Mmm," Sophia moaned, and her chest rose in a deep breath. A smile formed on her lips before she even opened her eyes and then she rolled to her back. I scooted backward, allowing her some space, and she reached up and pecked me on the jaw. "Good morning," she purred. Her eyes blinked open slowly and she kept the same sweet smile as she yawned.

"Morning, beautiful. How did you sleep?" My hand rested on her stomach, though I itched to feel her skin against mine. We had agreed in the wee hours of the morning when we finally laydown that it was best for both of us to have clothing on in case Leah woke in the night and needed me. Sophia wore one of my large T-shirts and her panties, and I slept in gym shorts like normal.

"I haven't slept that well in years."

I wanted to tell her that I hadn't either, but a light tap on my door announced Leah's arrival. Normally on a Saturday morning, she would wake me for breakfast of French toast or pancakes. On occasion, I'd surprise her and wake her up to go out and get donuts and chocolate milk, but today we had company. In the split second it took her to turn the knob and open the door, I started to second-guess my decision to have Sophia stay with me.

Leah had been exposed to God only knows how many men Dana had brought home, and at the park, she had made it very clear how much she disliked that. While Sophia and I weren't exactly dating, and thus she'd never slept over before, Leah had been happy enough to spend time with her. But what would my little girl think if she knew we were more than just friends? And how was I supposed to tell her that?

"Daddy?" she called, and her sleepy face appeared around the corner of the door. Her eyebrows rose, and Sophia rolled back onto her side to face the doorway.

"Hey, squirt, good morning," Sophia said, and I heard the affection in her tone. My heart warmed to the idea of this being a reality while simultaneously tensing in preparation for Leah to buck at the idea. All children wanted their parents to get back together after a divorce. Leah would probably feel the same way.

"Sophia!" Leah cheered, and without warning, she raced across the room and leapt up onto the bed, shaking the whole thing and climbing on Sophia.

"Whoa," I chided, wondering how Sophia would take it, but she simply wrapped Leah up in her arms and turned over untilmy daughter was between our bodies on the bed. We were beneath the covers and Leah was on top of them, and she was all smiles.

"Daddy, you didn’t tell me you were having a sleepover." Leah's admonishment was playful but serious at the same time. "I could have stayed up later." She crossed her arms over her chest, and Sophia tickled her, which made Leah giggle and squirm.

"Grownup sleepovers are boring. You didn't miss anything, except more studying and a bit of exercise." Sophia winked at me, and I chuckled at how she called our sexual exploits "exercise". It was an honest way of making sex sound very boring, indeed.

"I hate exercise, blech!" Leah stuck her tongue out and pointed into her mouth as if she were retching, then she turned over and sat up. "Can we play that video game?"

My daughter's quick acceptance of another woman in my bed made me feel less anxious on that front, but suddenly very anxious on another. What was happening between me and Sophia really shouldn't have been happening. It was a major risk for work, and I knew exactly how much she distracted me. She may have been more on top of her game, but to me I had to focus much harder to concentrate on work and not let her nearness get to me.

When this whole thing blew up—and it would—would Leah get caught in the crossfire? Would she be too attached to Sophia and have her heart broken? Was I rushing into things and not thinking carefully about the repercussions to other people who may be affected by this? It went beyond potentially losing my job or being reprimanded. I could hurt my little girl's heart.

"How about we have a yummy breakfast first? If Daddy has the things, I'll make us pancakes." Sophia turned to look at me, and I snapped out of my spiraling thoughts. She was so goodwith kids, and I felt like a big, dumb oaf sometimes. Leah needed a nurturing mother figure because as a man I fell short, and Dana was anything but nurturing. Sophia was so good for my little girl, which made my heart lean back toward loving more things about the beautiful intern.

"Yeah, I have the stuff,” I told her, but as the girls celebrated and cheered, I remembered how young Sophia was.

"Let's go!" Leah called, and she crawled across the bed and climbed off.

"Be there in a second," Sophia told her, and Leah raced out.

I admired how good Sophia was with my little girl, but I wondered if that would ever be enough for her. Sophia was still of childbearing age, still probably had hopes of being a mother, and I was almost forty. Leah was already seven, but by the time she was an adult, I'd be pushing fifty and ready to retire. I couldn't imagine starting over again at this age, and if Sophia wanted more kids, it would be a disappointment to her.

"Gonna go make pancakes. Want some?" she asked, kissing me on the cheek.

"Yeah, sure," I told her, then I watched as she went to my dresser with confidence and pulled out a pair of shorts and put them on. One night in my house and she acted like she owned the place, and I was the one who made her feel that comfortable. I wasn't sure if I was that comfortable yet.

Sophia slipped out, and I lay there for a second toiling over what was going on. I had told Sophia we would give it a shot, but there was so much riding on my shoulders I didn't know if I had the capacity to handle this. I didn't know if the added worry and complications outweighed the pleasure I drew from taking this risk, or if it was worth it.

One thing I did know was Sophia made me feel things and come alive in ways I had never experienced. Russian roulettewas a dangerous game, and I'd already spun the cylinder. I was just nervous to pull the trigger.

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