Page 22 of Christmas in His Arms

RYAN

With all the death glares I was getting from women around this park, you'd have thought Carrie was my captive, stolen from her family and forced to help me judge this ice sculpture contest. When I asked her to help me, I meant it as a kind gesture, something to show her I was interested in her and wanting to spend time with her too. She smiled and agreed, but now I wondered if it was a bad idea.

I had no idea how petty people in this town could actually be, though the bad flavor on my tongue from a harsh interaction before Carrie arrived had flavored my thoughts about today in general. It was Christmastime. It was supposed to be a season of caring and charity, not this show of begrudged bitterness surrounding us at every turn.

"You don't have to stay if you don't want to." I spoke softly to Carrie, who seemed tense after hearing someone whisper how I was a cradle robber.

She held her chin high and smiled at me reassuringly, though I saw right through it. "I don't want to go home right now. I'm enjoying spending time with you." Her arms were firmlywrapped around my left bicep and she leaned into my side as we walked.

I would never send her away for my own comfort, but the thought that both of us would be more comfortable if she went home did cross my mind. It nagged at me, too, that she hadn't responded to my message about staying here in Evergreen Falls, but I was beginning to see why she was taking her good time to think about it.

If I met her in Chicago and people treated me like they were treating her here, I wouldn't want to move there to be with her. I'd ask her to come with me and we'd be happy that way. When the idea of that being a reality sank in, I grimaced. My whole life was here, and I'd never want to move to Chicago for a relationship. I didn’t assume she'd feel much different, which further complicated my invitation. Yeah, she was right to take her time and think it through carefully before making her mind up.

We strutted up to another table, this one decked with a white tablecloth and hosting a large sculpture of a Christmas goose. The ice had been chipped and smoothed with heat to make it glisten in the sunlight, and the carver had done an excellent job. Carrie pulled her arms away from mine so I could mark my thoughts down onto the judge's score sheet I carried with me, and I stooped to use the table as a solid surface.

My eyes were fixed on the paper as I worked, but I heard the wife of the man who carved this goose start talking and cringed.

"You know, honey, your daddy issues are going to cause you a whole lot of problems in life."

I kept my head down, quickly finishing the marks, but I knew Carrie was probably uncomfortable.

"Beth, what is wrong with you?" At least the man had the decency to say something to his wife.

"Well, look at her, hanging on a man old enough to be her father. You ought to be ashamed of yourself. Find someone your own age and don't try to steal all Mr. Hawthorne's money."

I'd had enough of this for a lifetime now, so I straightened and slid my judge's sheet into my pocket and put an arm protectively around Carrie's waist. she looked like she was about ready to cry, and that made me infuriated.

"Ma'am, it's not really any of your business what Ms. Bennett does, but for your information, I'm Walter's best friend and I invited his daughter to help me judge this contest to help her get her mind off the fact that her father almost died." As I spoke, Carrie stiffened, and I felt her leaning away from me.

It never occurred to me to defend the budding relationship we had because that would only confirm their rumors. It didn't matter that they were true. The way people spoke about us was toxic and hateful. Age was just a number, in my opinion, but I couldn’t expect society to change in the blink of an eye.

However, the way Carrie was pulling away made me feel like a total ass. I wasn't intending to hurt her by downplaying the relationship, either. I just wanted the woman to shut up. And it had to be obvious to anyone watching us that something more was going on between us than cordial friendship. She really was hanging on my arm.

"It's okay, Ryan," Carrie said, stepping out of my embrace. "It was nice to see you, Jim." Carrie smiled at the man, and his wifescowled at us both. I loved how she could take it so gracefully and walk away calm as a cucumber. Meanwhile, I got bent out of shape and snapped at people, effectively making things worse.

We walked away, but the tension in my chest lingered, and now there was space between me and Carrie too. She no longer had her arms around my bicep, and she walked next to me, leaving space where I thought there should be none.

"I'm sorry if I embarrassed you." My apology started with the least of my concerns. My temper did get out of control at times, and I knew I had to learn to be more tactful. But that apology was surface-level. I should've apologized for not standing up for us and our right to be adults and make choices that other people didn't like without being publicly crucified. I also should've been apologizing for talking down about her like she was a child who needed socialization.

"It's okay, Ryan. I just think I want to go home now." The sad smile on her face as she turned to look at me made me feel crushed.

"Carrie, I…" I had a million things to say, but none of them would come out.

"It's really okay." She sighed and let her shoulders drop. "I'll text you later."

I hoped for at least a peck on the cheek, but she turned and I watched her walk away. She shoved her hands into her coat pockets and hung her head, weaving in between the clusters of people here to view the ice sculptures. And she took my heart with her.

If we could just come out and tell this town we were seeing each other, half of this nasty gossip would stop. People would getused to it and get over it, and only a few who were just idiots would even say anything anymore. But Walter and Helen would probably disapprove even then.

I wondered if that was what was bothering her now. If she'd realized that to be together, we would have to endure not only the lectures and probable disapproval of her family, but also the gossip and backlash of this town. Was she hesitant to respond to my request to stay here and be with me because her past was too overwhelming, or because she didn’t want to give up her life in Chicago?

Or was it that I was moving too fast?

Was I just too thrilled to have finally met someone I clicked with after years of being alone and living under the town's negative scrutiny to notice that it'd only been a month and I was already poised to commit for life?

I sighed and turned toward the next table for judging, now wishing I hadn’t volunteered for this months ago. I wanted to follow Carrie to wherever it was she'd disappear to and just vanish with her. We'd talk, and I could hold her, and we'd get to the bottom of what had shifted between us. I thought we were moving along so well and that our connection was felt mutually. But maybe I was wrong.

Maybe what I felt was one-sided and she caught a whiff of how intense my attraction was to her and she got scared. Maybe she just wanted a fling and I was reading into things, so she pulled back to send me a message.

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