Page 23 of Christmas in His Arms

It was driving me insane. I couldn’t focus on anything. I walked through the rest of the sculptures like a zombie, wrestling with my thoughts about her and us and what I wanted. By the time Iwas done judging, I knew I needed a drink to clear my mind. I went straight home to end this torture, but I never did get that message she promised to send me.

I had to talk to her. If we didn't clear the air soon, I was going to go insane. This thing was messing with my heart in ways I'd never experienced. I was now willing to defy my best friend and throw away my reputation in this small town just to have her, and that was a dangerous thought. No one ever made me feel like this. Not even Kate.

Christ… I was in love with her, and now that I realized it, things were going to be so much harder.

17

CARRIE

After the debacle at the ice sculpture contest, I'd been lying low for a few days. It wasn't all that difficult. With Mom focused on doting over Dad and taking care of him, his appointments, and his therapy, I was able to fly under the radar. I'd poured my heart out to Ethan and stayed in my bedroom as much as possible, wishing this whole thing would be over and I could go back to Chicago to die of a broken heart, but Mom insisted that I stay until Christmas for Dad's sake.

Today, however, I ventured out to the coffee shop to meet up with Lisa again. She practically demanded that I come talk to her, and I knew why. The whole town was on fire with chatter about how Beth Price and Ryan had a go at each other. The only silver lining in this entire situation was that the gossip hounds at least had the tact to make sure my parents didn't hear about it. It was something they were good at—talking about people behind their backs.

If the shit they spewed to my face was this bad, I knew the things I wasn't hearing were even worse. Which was why I chose to make this coffee date with Lisa. I had to know. I couldn't eventhink of responding to Ryan's question about staying here unless I knew the fire I'd be walking into.

"Girl," she hissed as she sat down. She cradled her coffee between her palms and hunched over the table conspiratorially. "What the actual hell is going on?"

I flicked my eyes around the room nervously and made sure no one was watching us. There were only two other customers in the shop this time of day. Most people got their fix in the morning, and being three in the afternoon, we mostly had privacy.

"What do you mean?" I asked, playing innocent. The less she knew that I knew, the better. Lisa was a gossip queen, but she was also my high school best friend. I knew she was participating in the gossip other people spread around, but I trusted that if I asked her to keep something in confidence, she would. And if she didn't, I had the added benefit of being able to leave and never come back. I'd done it before.

"I mean, Ryan Hawthorne?" Lisa narrowed her eyes at me and then smirked. "People are saying things, hun."

I had to suck in a deep breath to get through this. I knew what people were saying, but I didn't know what they weren't saying. That was where Lisa came in, but in order to get her there, I had to trudge through some painful things. I felt like I was walking through a gauntlet, and I just didn't have emotional energy for all of this. My hormones had me crying every five seconds lately.

"Let's cut to the chase, Lisa." I splayed both of my palms on the table between us and looked her right in the eye. "I know what they're saying. I know they think Ryan and I are sneaking around or whatever it is. They call him a cradle robber. Theycall me a slutty gold digger. Tell me what I'm missing." My eyes pleaded with her to break the gossip code and let me in on the worst of it, and I knew she would.

We hadn’t spoken in ages, but we were still soul sisters at heart. We grew up together, and that made us closer than blood. All the things we did as best friends came swirling around us in nostalgia as I pulled her hand away from her coffee cup and gripped it in mine tightly.

"Please…"

Lisa sighed hard and glanced around at the still-empty dining room, then she lowered her voice further and began. "Okay, well there are some things I'm just not going to say because they're horrible and hurtful, and you don't deserve it, but you should know people are saying Ryan and you have been dating since his wife died. They say he killed her so he didn't have to pay the alimony.

"They are also saying that Ryan's only friends with your dad to get to you and that you aren't really here to see your dad." She pursed her lips and looked away, and I knew there was more. The people of this town had wild imaginations if they thought any of that was true, except for the dating part, though I hadn't been dating him for years.

"Lisa, please… Just give me the worst." I had been expecting all of that and more, so when she continued, it didn’t surprise me. It was like she saved the best for last just to see if I'd react or something.

"They're saying Ryan's going to ruin you the way he ruined Kate." Concern etched her brow, and I was confused. I sat back and picked up my own coffee cup, sipping the hot brew slowlyas I let the words sink in, and she explained. "Kate miscarried a baby, and days later, Ryan told her he wanted a divorce. They say he's going to ask you to throw away your life to marry him and never be a mother."

That wasn't ever going to happen, but she had no clue. My hand unconsciously touched my stomach and I asked, "But what are they saying about me?" I had to know. If they'd stoop so low to talk about Ryan like that when it obviously wasn't true, they had to be even worse when they spoke of me.

"I can't, Carrie. You don't need to know." It was Lisa's turn to reach across the table and touch my hand, but I shied away.

"Spill it," I demanded. My heart was hammering against my ribs and I felt like crying.

She shook her head and sighed, then rolled her eyes, but she did tell me what I needed to know. "They are saying you are a whore…" She paused and offered a pained expression but continued. "They say you sleep with anything that has a dick. There are two other men saying you threw yourself at them too, and that it was all for money, and I swear I defend you every time they say that stuff."

I finally let her take my hand as the tears welled up and I blinked them out. They dripped from my cheeks, and I shook my head in disbelief. "I can't believe how awful they are," I whimpered, covering my mouth.

"Oh, honey, hey…" Lisa reached into her purse and pulled out a little plastic travel pack of tissues and plucked one out for me. She handed it to me, and I wiped my face and blew my nose. I wanted to go home and hide, but now that the worst was outthere, I knew I needed a friend to confide in, and Ethan was too far away.

"Lisa, you know I'd never do that. Right?" I turned to look at her, and she nodded apologetically.

"I know it, babe. And who are they to talk? Men have this disgusting way of thinking they can go sleep around with any woman they want and it's cool, another notch in their belt. But if a woman even has a fling, she's a slut. I hate the double standard." She kept feeding me tissues and I kept crying.

Pregnancy was not being nice to me, though I was thankful that at least today, I wasn't feeling like vomiting.

"Can I tell you something and you swear not to say anything?" I asked, and she nodded.

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