Page 59 of Single Dad's Christmas Cookie

“Daddy,” she said as she pushed on my shoulder. She had been standing in front of me.

“Merry Christmas, sweetheart. Are you wearing your coat?” I hadn’t bothered to open my eyes again.

“We need to go, now,” she said with determination.

“Go where? Didn’t Santa leave your presents downstairs?”

“I don’t know, but we have to go get Nova,” Amelia said with sharp clarity.

Flailing my arm about, I located my watch on the bedside table. I held it up and cracked open my eyes. I looked at it until my mind could make sense of the glowing numbers.

“Amelia, sweetheart, I agree with you. We should go get Nova as soon as it’s a reasonable hour. She is probably asleep right now,just like you should be.” I rolled over on my back and confirmed there was no light coming in through my window. “It’s still dark out. We can’t bother Nova until the sun is up at the very least.”

“But I want to go find her now,” my daughter whined with increasing volume. I couldn’t chastise her because I felt exactly the same. I wanted Nova here with us as well.

I had spent a good portion of the night playing through the different ways I could approach Nova and convince her to stay with us. I wasn’t some hero in shining armor to ride in on a white stallion. I was a single father who had been making questionable decisions lately when it came to how to treat the temporary cook I had hired. I was far too aware that I was sending some seriously mixed signals.

“It’s the middle of the night, Amelia.”

I sat up and tugged at her outfit. I unzipped her coat.

“Are you still wearing your pajamas under your coat?”

“But Daddy,” she whined.

I got out of bed, scooping her up into my arms. “Let’s go back to bed. I promise when we wake up in the morning—not the middle of the night, but the morning—and after we get properly dressed, and have breakfast, that we can go try to find Nova. Not before that.”

It was difficult to set such strict parameters with Amelia. I had to parent by example as well as by word. If I wanted Amelia to show restraint, then I had to lead by example. I was ready to run out and find Nova. I didn’t care if I had shoes or a coat on. But I had to do better for Amelia. Even though it was ripping me apart.

In her bedroom, I helped her off with her coat and tossed it across the foot of her bed. I tucked her back in and kissed her forehead.

“Go to sleep.” I sat with her, rubbing her back until her breathing evened out and became shallow.

As soon as I was certain she was asleep, I plodded my way back to my bedroom and climbed into bed. I didn’t fall asleep right away. I stared up at the ceiling, waiting as the hours ticked by for that first glimpse of sunrise through my bedroom window.

Amelia had the right idea.

It was Christmas morning, and the one thing we wanted the most was out there somewhere, and not under the tree.

I must have fallen asleep at some point because Amelia was waking me up again. This time, she was pulling on my arm and pushing on the bed, bouncing me around.

“Daddy, get up, it’s Christmas morning.”

“Oh, what, did Santa come?” I asked as I sat up.

“Santa came. There’s lots of presents.”

“Okay, give me a minute to get up and get dressed, and then we can unwrap presents.”

“No!” Amelia protested. “You said we could go find Nova.”

“Okay, give me a minute. Actually, give me several.” I was having a hard time making the transition to consciousness. I sat on the edge of the bed and stared at my daughter.

“What are you wearing?”

She had her nightgown tucked into a pair of snow pants, ballet slippers, and her outdoor coat. She looked like a six-year-old who had gotten dressed on her own, in the dark.

“Come on, let’s get you dressed.”

---