Page 39 of Backstroke

I take a deep breath, my mind flashing back to that night in the forest. The way Remy had looked at me, the intensity of his touch—it all comes rushing back, making my heart race.

“It was… intense,” I admit.

Rowyn leans in closer, her eyes wide with interest. “Intense how?”

I glance around, making sure no one else is listening. “We got a little carried away,” I add, choosing my words carefully. “It wasn’t just hide-and-seek. There was… more to it.”

Rowyn’s eyes widen even further. “More? Like what? And who is ‘we’?”

I bite my lip, feeling the heat rise in my cheeks again. “Let’s just say it wasn’t exactly innocent,” I whisper, hoping she gets the hint.

“Oh my God, Fallon! We knew that!” Rowyn gasps, a mischievous grin spreading across her face. “You and Remy? In the forest?”

“What? Shh!! I didn’t say Remy!”

“Oh, sorry!” she apologizes, leaning in closer. “But come on, Fallon, it’s obvious something happened between you two.”

I sigh, feeling the weight of the secret pressing down on me. “Yeah, but it’s complicated, Rowyn.Really complicated.”

She nods, her expression turning serious. “I get it. But you know you can talk to me about anything, right? No judgment.”

I smile, grateful for her understanding. “Thanks, Rowyn. I just need some time to figure things out.”

“I get that,” she pauses, chewing on her lip.

“What? Just say it.” I know there is a lecture coming. Her and Lyndsy have been warning me from the beginning. Maybe if I had listened, we wouldn’t be in the mess we are now. I sigh, knowing Remy would have found a way, regardless.

Rowyn takes a deep breath, clearly choosing her words wisely. “Fallon, I just worry about you. Remy is… well, he doesn’t have a good reputation. Lyndsy told me some of what her brother, Gray, told her. He’s his best friend, and even he knows Remy is bad news for girls.” I sit, watching the fire, waiting for her to continue.

“He doesn’t even kiss girls, apparently. Just uses them as holes.” My head snaps to hers at her comment about kissing.

“He doesn’t kiss girls?” I ask out loud, more to myself than needing an answer. He kissed me though. I can still feel the tingle on my lips after all these days. He didn’t just kiss me, heconsumed me. A surge of emotions threaten to spill, so I do what any college student would do. I drink.

“No,” Rowyn continues, her voice softer now. “Gray said Remy never gets emotionally involved. It’s always just physical for him.”

I take a long sip from my drink, trying to process this new information.

If Remy doesn’t kiss other girls, then what does that mean for us?

Was I different, or was he just playing a different game with me?

Rowyn watches me closely, her concern evident. “Fallon, I just don’t want you to get hurt. You deserve someone who treats you with respect and cares about you.”

I nod, feeling a mix of confusion and frustration. “I know, Rowyn. It’s just… complicated.” Complicated is putting it lightly.

She sighs, giving me a sympathetic look. “Just promise me you’ll be careful, okay? And if you ever need to talk, I’m here.”

“Thanks, Row,” I say, managing a small smile. “I appreciate it.” I down the rest of my drink, then crinkle the can in my hands.

“Do you want another? I was about to go get one for myself.” She stands, then holds her hand out for my trash.

“Yeah, I think I need another.”Or ten.

As Rowyn walks away to get more drinks, I take a moment to look around. The beach is alive with activity, couples lost in their own worlds, some wrapped in each other’s arms, others laughing and talking. The sight should make me feel better but instead, it only deepens the ache inside me.

A pang of sadness washes over me, and I can’t quite understand why. I should be relieved that my mother’s news has put a stop to whatever was happening between Remy and me. It should make things simpler, clearer. But it doesn’t.

Instead, I feel a sense of loss, a longing for something that now seems even more out of reach. The memory of Remy’s kiss, the way he made me feel—it’s all still so vivid, so real. And knowing that he doesn’t kiss other girls only makes it more confusing.

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