Page 21 of Because of Them

He kisses the top of my head and steps back to pull off his hoodie. Tingles remain in my hairline as I follow him towards the closest monstrosity of equipment. They slowly spread their way across my body and I have to remind myself to breathe. I focus on Michael as he sets up the machine, trying not to be too daunted by the weights he is adding to either side. His arms strain under the weight of the plates, veins bulging. In a loose singlet and tiny shorts Michael is … wow.

I always knew he was more than fit. That much was obvious just in the way he holds himself and how his arms would always strain against his tees. But seeing him like this is on another level. It’s like muscle on muscle, covering every inch of him. I might as well be drooling.

A few women pause as they walk past, clearly checking him out. Their toned bodies are on show underneath their tight crop tops and bike shorts, and I cringe at the daggy outfit I have on. Old, faded, probably a little see through leggings, and a baggy old band T-shirt. I will never match up to the girls he is around on an almost daily basis, and the thought stirs inside me.

I’m not jealous of those women. I’m barely pregnant but I’m slowly accepting the changes my body will go through. Slowly coming to terms with how it might never be the same. Because it is doing something incredible and I’m damn proud of it. So, it’s not jealousy that leaves an uneasy feeling low in my chest. It’s fear.

Even if I come to terms with my new body, how would Michael? He cares, so much, about his body and his physique and he puts in the work to maintain the standard that he wants. If I don’t … how will he look at me? Will he find me attractivewhen the baby is born and I still carry the extra weight around my stomach?

Michael notices the girls staring, which is easy to do really. I’m surprised they don’t have their phones out taking pictures. As I open my mouth to throw out a snide remark, Michael’s arm wraps around my middle. He twists me to face him, planting another kiss on my forehead. I tilt my head up and his eyes meet mine. Heat flares between us as Michael rests his forehead against mine.

“They still looking?” he mumbles.

I glance over his shoulder. The girls are gone, but I almost wish they weren’t. My lower lip trembles with anticipation. “What if they are?”

Michael closes his eyes. “If they are, I might need to show them just who I’m here with. I might not be able to stop myself. But if they’re gone? I might be able to hold enough restraint to give you a choice.”

My heart flips down into my stomach, pulsing far below my belly. I dart my tongue out to wet my lips and Michael’s eyes track the movement. His hand spreads across my lower back, pulling me closer until our chests touch and I can feel every hasty breath he takes. The other hand cups my jaw and he traces his thumb along my lips. I gasp.

“Are they still there, Audrey?”

Our mouths are so close I can almost feel the movement of his lips as he whispers directly into me. I wish the girls were still there, wish he wasn’t leaving the choice up to me becauseGod,I really want to kiss him right now, but it would be so messy. Good, sure. Fucking amazing, probably. But everything between us is teetering on the edge and I don’t know which way we should fall.

“They’re gone.” I close my eyes as I say the words. Wishing, hoping, he would kiss me anyway. But he doesn’t.

Michael groans. His fingers dip into my back as he squeezes me tight before stepping away. A chill runs through me as the cool blast from the air conditioner rushes between us. I curse internally. The low pulsing of my heart in my stomach is replaced by a twisting, nauseating wave and for a second, I search for the bathroom, worried my morning sickness is making a rapid reappearance.

Sitting down on the empty bench beside the machine Michael has returned to setting up, I rest my elbows on my knees and catch my breath. He finishes placing the plates and adjusting the heights and turns to look at me. With a smirk, he gestures for me to stand.

“I’m not doing that,” I tell him. I don’t even know what I would be doing, but he put three big plates on either side of the bar and that’s six plates too many for me.

He drops his hands to his hips and looks back at the bar. “Come here.”

I stand up but make no move to walk towards him. “I’m not doing that,” I repeat. “You said you’d go easy on me.”

Turning away, Michael shakes his head as a wide grin spreads across his face. He starts wheezing. “Jeez Audrey,” he gulps. “Do you really think I’d make you squat that?”

I fold my arms across my chest and shift my weight.

“I want you to spot me.” His smile drops into something far friendlier, and he reaches a hand towards me.

I don’t take it. “How can I spot you if I can’t hold that?”

“If I need you to hold all the weight, I’m doing it wrong. All you need to do is support itifI get stuck. You will never be taking all the weight, only a fraction to get me through the rep.”

“What’s a fraction of six plates?” I have no idea how much they weigh, but they look heavy.

Michael shrugs, scrunching his nose. “Can you still pick up Maisie?”

“Yes,” I answer, allowing the corner of my mouth to turn up a fraction. It gets harder to lift Maisie by the day, but that’s more because she is a five-year-old in the middle of a growth spurt than because I’m pregnant.

“Then you’ll be fine, I promise.”

I’m still hesitant, but the whole point of me coming to the gym was to show Michael that I was interested in getting to know him and his world now that he has been forced into mine. I drop my arms, letting a hand fall into Michael. He tugs me towards him, then directs me to stand behind the bar.

“I’ll step forward when I lift it off, and you just need to stay close as I do the reps. If you see me struggling, give a little upwards pressure on the barwithouttrying to take the weight. Okay?”

I hum my agreement because I don’t trust myself to form words. It all makes sense and I understand what I need to be doing, but also, nope, not okay. He wants me to stand behind him while he holds the bar and squats. And I’m supposed to be focused on making sure he can lift the weight back up, not the way his muscles strain against the weight or how his ass is going to pop out towards me.

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