Page 93 of The Jerk in Apartment 1B

“Sure, although I don’t know why you wouldn’t go out with Wally. He seems nice.”

“He collects stuffed unicorns.”

“So? Don’t girls like unicorns?”

“Yeah, you’re hilarious. I gotta get back to work.” I turn toward the shelf and align the condom boxes into neat little rows.

“Does this continue at the party tonight? This fake relationship?”

“No.” I laugh. “This was only for Frank. And I don’t know if I’m coming to the party.”

“You have to. You’re my girlfriend.”

I turn to him. “Pretend girlfriend. And only when we’re here.”

“Shouldn’t we practice? I haven’t had a girlfriend in years. I’m not sure how it works.”

I sigh. “I bet you could figure it out. But it doesn’t matter, because I’m not your girlfriend. Now would you go? I don’t want to get in trouble.”

“You won’t get in trouble for talking to me. Frank loves me. You know he told me to go out with you.”

“Yeah, I know. Rose told me.” I glance at her.

“She actually spoke to you?”

“Crazy, right? She thought I wanted her job. I told her I didn’t, and now she doesn’t hate me. We’ll see how long it lasts.”

“About tonight. I really want you to come.”

“Why do you keep insisting I go to the party?”

“Because I don’t like you being alone, especially on a Saturday night.”

“Maybe I like being alone.”

I don’t, but it’s better than watching girls flirt with him all night.

“Just stop by for a few minutes. You can meet Hudson and the other guys.”

“I’ll think about it.”

“I’ll let you get back to work.” He reaches behind me and grabs a box of condoms.

“That’s really why you came here?” I ask. “To get condoms?”

“They’re not for me. I get them for the party. I put them by the door in case someone needs one on the way out.”

“How kind of you,” I say, rolling my eyes.

He laughs. “I’ll see ya tonight.” He leans down and kisses me, then takes off for the register.

What’s with the kiss? I look around and spot Frank in the cereal aisle. He must’ve been watching us. That’s why Scott kissed me. But I didn’t see Scott looking over there, so how did he know Frank was watching us?

At ten o’clock,I’m done with work and head home. As soon as I go into the building, I hear music coming from Scott’s apartment. When I pass by his door, a girl stumbles out, holding a red plastic cup.

“Oh, sorry,” she says, bumping into me. “Have you seen Grant?”

“I don’t know Grant.”

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