Page 35 of Bad At Love

“It’s the first night,” he said, itching to touch her everywhere. “Things got intense in the cab, and I was…”

“Drunk, you said.” A faint tension thrummed from her. “You stayed away on purpose because of whatheused to be like when he was drunk.”

“I didn’t want to bring up painful memories.” His hands suddenly felt big and useless in his lap. “Or overwhelm you. I want this week to be perfect.”

Grabbing his hand, Chaaru brought it to her face. “I know how you behave when you’re drunk, DP. A cuddly stuffed toy would be more threatening than you, whatever state you’re in.” She leaned forward, pushed his hair back from his forehead, and met his eyes. A wealth of wishes flickered there, and he wished he could read every single one of them and make them true. “I’m not fragile. I don’t want you to-”

“I didn’t think that. But even if you were, it’s my job to look after you. I’d lose my shit if I hurt you, even unknowingly.” Knowing that he’d gone too deep again, he made a show of folding his arms and sighing loudly. “Now I feel like a fool for wasting one entire night.”

“What were the errands?”

“I had to buy some gifts.”

An alarming paleness emerged under her skin. “DP…”

“They’re for both of us.” He rubbed his knuckles over her cheek. “So that I can play with you.”

Her eyes widened. “Like sex toys?”

“I didn’t find much though. You should’ve seen Dom trying his Spanish at the concierge, asking about an adult toy store. The poor receptionist thought we were looking for hookers.”

Her delighted laughter curled in the loneliest corners of his heart. “Tell me about what you like,” she said, a curious light shining in her eyes.

He sat up, and for a second, considered sucking his stomach and then ignored the stupid impulse. He’d always had a barrel kind of stomach, densely packed with muscle but still round. And her partners, in the last few years of her adventurous sex life, had been the slim, polished, gym-rat types. When it came to her, he questioned things he had never before.

He was so deep in his head, he almost missed the hungry glance she cast his abdomen and lower.

Heat flicked through him, as if his heart was the candlewick itself. He took her hand and traced the plump veins on the inside of her wrist. “I like a little toy play, if my partner’s okay with it. It makes things intense for both.”

“I’m up for any kind of play. Blanket consent given.”

An expanse of all the filthy things he could do to her stretched out in his lurid mind, vivid images included. He licked his lower lip. “Don’t you want to see what that might mean?”

She shook her head, and a cascade of long curls fell over face, hiding her expression. He pressed a kiss to her wrist, her pulse a mad flutter under his lips. God, how he ached to know all of her. Every moment with her felt like he was standing at the edge of a cliff, where she was his rope and might pull away. “Char…whatever is on your mind, I want to know.”

“This is something I’ve told no one in its entirety. Not even…Mona.”

DP waited. But not touching her was outside of his willpower. Her bare arms were like silk as he ran his rough, rope-abraded hands over them, wanting to soothe her. Wanting to walk with her to whatever place she went.

“I’ve always wanted to experiment with my sexual side, you know. The first few months withhim, our first experiences together…of course, there were kinks to work out like with any other couple. Kinks, get it?” she said, flashing a smile that lacked any warmth.

He simply nodded.

“So, a year on into our marriage, I wasn’t…happy with our sex life. When I brought it up, it blew up into a nasty fight. Every time I suggested we try something, I got shut down pretty brutally. Or got called names. After a while, I began to believe that what I wanted, or that I had specific wishes, was wrong. Even unnatural.”

“If I could throttle the bastard just once…” DP said, hating how she shied her gaze away.

“I know that everything he made me believe about myself, every bit of shame he put inside my flesh for speaking about my desires…it’s on him.” Her gaze stayed on her tightly clasped fingers in her lap. “And I’ve worked hard to…free myself from that thinking. To own my desire without shame or explanation.”

“But?” DP said, after long moments of tense silence.

Her chest rose and fell. “But when I tried to spell out my needs…it’s hard to find a lover who will give you what you want without…looking at you sideways. Without disrespecting you or thinking something’s wrong with you. Or assuming you’re desperate and will take any kind of degradation.” Her smile was tremulous as she said, “Not that it’s wrong if it’s what you want.”

DP let the words land between them without speaking over them, over her. Over this little piece of herself she had given him. His chest ached for all the blows she’d been dealt, all the ways she’d been told she was wrong. Was it any wonder she was so wary of a real connection? “Thank you for telling me that,” he whispered, keeping his arms loose and easy around her.

She chuckled but there was no warmth to it. “The last thing I imagined for this week was digging up my wounds,” she said, sounding small. “I want you to see me as an exciting lover, not someone you have to handle with care.”

DP rubbed his palms over her arms. “I’ve had enough casual sex to know that it could never be like that with you. As for seeing you as a lover…” He pulled her into his lap and filled his hands with her sweet curves. How long had he craved to hold her like this? To feel her snuggled up against him?

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