Page 129 of From Air

“Bye.” I switch over to Melissa. “Hey.”

“Why have you been ignoring my calls?” she asks.

“I’ve been ignoring all calls and texts.”

“Why? What’s wrong?”

“Wrong,” I echo her, playing with that word.Issomething wrong?

“Jamie, you’re acting weird. What’s wrong? You’re scaring me. Did something happen to Calvin?”

“No,” I mutter. “Well, sort of.”

“What?”

I set the tissue rose back in the blue glass. “His parents and sister died in the fire that Dwight started.”

“Oh my god,” she breathes. “Does he know Dwight’s your uncle?”

I laugh a little. A new round of tears burns my eyes, and I laugh a little more—a little maniacally. “Oh, Melissa, if only it were that. It’s notthat.”

“Jaymes, what’s going on? You seem—”

“Like I should admit myself to the hospital where I work? Like I fell in love with the perfect man for me? Like I did the impossible, and I convinced him to fall in love with me? Or like the private investigator found Barbara Keane?”

“Jaymes—”

“Because he did!” I boom, stabbing my fingers through my hair while my other hand grips the phone tighter. “He found Barbara fuckingKeane. But it wasn’t easy because her name was changed. Wanna know what to? Do you?” I pace my tiny apartment.

“Stop. Breathe, Jamie—” Melissa begs in a nervous tone.

“Jaymes. Lanette. Andrews.Iam Barbara Keane. Dwight ismyfather.” My whole body shakes, hijacked with uncontrolled emotions. I pace faster, a storm of blinding, angry tears flooding my eyes. “FUCK!” I grab the blue glass of tissue flowers and hurl it across the room. It shatters against the wall. I fall to my knees, bending at the waist. “A-and ...,” I sob, “Fitz will never understand. And I-I d-don’t know how to t-tell him he fell in l-love with me for n-nothing.”

“Jaymes ...,” Melissa whispers. Though she’s on the other side of the country, Ifeelher voice. I feel her arms around me. I see the tears in her eyes. And I know how badly she wants to make this better for me. However, her silence says it all.

Nothing can make this better.

Chapter Forty-Two

CALVIN

In two days, Jamie’s arriving in Missoula with my grandma. And I’m pretty sure she’s still upset about Halloween because we haven’t talked more than a handful of times in the past few weeks. She’s been busy or tired or any number of other excuses that haven’t sat right with me.

It’s time to jump. Go big. Show her my whole fucking heart. She needs to know that the only thing I fear now is not being with her.

But first, I need a little moral support.

While Maren and Will dig into their Chinese takeout, I set my phone on the counter between them. I’ve pulled up an old article about the fire that took my family’s lives.

“What are we looking at?” Maren asks, wiping her mouth.

Taking a deep breath, I push past the tightness in my chest. Opening up has never been easy, but Maren and Will are family to me. It’s time I trust them. “I wasn’t raised by wolves. And I wasn’t abused. I was orphaned after my parents and my sister died in this fire. It’s why I became a firefighter. It’s why I’ve avoided close relationships.”

Will’s eyes narrow at the article briefly before glancing up at me. “I’m sorry, man.”

I shrug. “I don’t need anyone to feel sorry for me.”

“Can I ask why you’re showing this to us now?” Maren asks.

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