Page 69 of A Good Book

Gabby stood, grabbing the paper and pen before sitting on the edge of my bed again.

I’m going to miss you, but I’ll be back in a few weeks for Christmas break.

I read it and nodded my response.

Why were you so mad?

“Because I hate my fucking life,” I said.

Gabby flinched. After chewing on the corner of her bottom lip, she started doing weird things with her hands.

“I don’t know what you’re doing,” I said.

She stopped and scribbled more words on the paper.

You’d know if you’d learn sign language.

“You learned it?”

She nodded with a big smile, then her nose crinkled while she held up her thumb and forefinger an inch apart.

A little.

“Well, go find some other deaf person who gives a shit.”

She shoved my chest, her lips moving a mile a minute, face red. Then she wrote another message.

I’ve been taking ASL three nights a weekJUSTto talk to you. Why are you being such a jerk?

Because you deserve better than me.

But I couldn’t tell her that. She wouldn’t see it or understand.

“Good job making it about you, Gabbs,” I said, staring at the ceiling. “Everyone makes it about them. How they feel. All the things they’ve done. How their life has changed. Unless you can give me my hearing back, then leave me the hell alone.”

You blame me.

She shoved the paper in my face.

No. I could never blame her, but maybe she’d run and save herself if I didn’t deny it.

I laughed. “Still about you.”

What am I supposed to say?

“What are you supposed to say? Again … still about you.”

I hate that this happened to you!

“You. You. You. It’s always about you. You’re in love with Matt. You follow him to college. You can’t stop talking about him. You don’t know how to kiss. You need other people to take you to a party. You feel bad for kissing me when you’re supposed to kiss him. You avoid me because you’re uncomfortable. You don’t understand why I’ve dropped out of school. The whole fucking world doesn’t revolve around you.”

Except it did. My world revolved around her, but I couldn’t tell her because I was scared it would burden her to be the center of my world.

My. Shitty. Awful. World.

So it was easier, maybe even necessary, to push her away.

Gabby stood with a blank expression, then she lifted her arm, making a fist before slowly raising her middle finger.

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