Page 171 of Finding Us

He kisses the top of my head, then lets me go and takes off. I hear the car engine and the sound of him driving away.

Another fight. This past week it seems like all we’ve done is argue. We went all summer without a single argument, but then we moved here and everything changed.

I feel myself slipping into the old Jade. I fight it. I really do. But the feeling is overwhelming. The trust I thought I’d built with Garret feels like it’s crumbling into pieces. He keeps saying he’ll be honest with me, but then he hides stuff from me, like he doesn’t trust me enough to tell me. And truthfully, I hide stuff from him, too. Why are we doing this? Why are we hiding things from each other?

My mind is racing and it’s making me jittery. I can’t be here right now. I need to get out and move. I need to run.

I race into the bedroom and change into my running shorts and a t-shirt. I grab my shoes, keys, and phone, then go back to the living room and straight out the door. I sit on the steps and put my shoes on, then take off sprinting down the beach.

My feet keep sticking in the sand and my legs are already aching, but it’s the type of pain I crave. The type I need to take over so the emotional pain melts away, or at least gets buried so deep I can’t feel it anymore.

I run and run, and soon I’m at the place where I was the other day when I was late getting home. But instead of turning around, I keep running. Garret would be mad if he knew I was out this far, but at least today I have my phone. Not that I would answer his call right now. I can’t talk to him yet. I need to figure out what’s wrong first. Not what’s wrong with him, but what’s wrong with me.

I don’t know why I’m reacting this way. It’s just money. I don’t care about money and I know Garret doesn’t either. Yes, he likes money, but I believe him when he says he would’ve been fine with a few thousand dollars. He just wanted some money that was his own.

Now I get why he kept insisting on finding a job last May. We had just moved in together and one day I found him looking online for jobs. I asked him why he wanted a job and he said he just thought he should get one. I told him I didn’t want him to, that he didn’t need to. But hedidneed to. He needed his own money. I just didn’t understand why.

I’m still not sure I understand it. But maybe I don’t have to. Maybe I just need to accept that he feels this way. It’s not like I don’t have my own hang-ups about money. I have plenty of them. Garret’s right. Idocheck his ATM receipts. And if it were the other way around, and it washismoney and he was checkingmyreceipts, I’d be mad, too.

I stop running and sit down on a large rock jutting out of the sand. I get my phone out. I need to talk to someone about this. And I can’t talk to Harper. She doesn’t know about my trust fund or that Garret lost his.

I could call Frank, but he’ll worry if I tell him Garret and I are fighting. And I’m not sure what advice Frank could give me. When he was married, he and his wife didn’t have any money to fight about. Whatever money they had went to pay bills.

The only other person I could call is Grace, but I don’t think she’d understand the situation. She and Arlin always had money. They both came from wealthy families. She was just as wealthy as him when they met.

I find her number and call her anyway. She always has good advice. Her phone goes straight to voicemail.

Damn. I really need to talk to someone.

I scroll through my phone, stopping when I see Pearce’s number. Before I can figure out why I’m doing this, I call him. He answers on the second ring.

“Hello, Jade. Did I leave something at your house? I tend to leave sunglasses lying around.”

“No, I um. . . I just wanted to know if you had a minute to talk. I know you’re busy so if you can’t, that’s fine. I probably shouldn’t have—”

“Jade, go ahead. I have plenty of time. I’m at the airport and my pilot is ill. I’m waiting for his replacement and it could be a while.”

What am I doing? I can’t talk to Garret’s dad about this! Why did I call him? Now I don’t know what to say. I could just tell him to have a safe trip and hang up. Or I could tell him the truth.

“Jade? Are you still there?”

“Yes.” My heart’s beating really fast and I’m tempted to just say goodbye and end the call. But for a reason I can’t explain, I change my mind. “I wanted to talk to you about that check you gave Garret.”

“I’m guessing it caused some issues between you two.”

“Yes. It did. And he left and now I’m not sure what to do.”

“What do you mean he left?”

“He was mad and he won’t talk to me when he’s mad.”

“It’s not just you. He does that to me, too. His mother did the same thing. She needed time to calm down before she’d talk to me. It’s frustrating, isn’t it?”

“Yeah. It’sreallyfrustrating. I just want to talk it out and end it.”

“I’m the same way.”

I’m so relieved at how this is going. Pearce’s voice is calm and soothing and I feel myself relaxing.

---