Page 1 of Letters to the Lost

Prologue

To my Chlo,

I couldn’t take the guilt anymore. I didn’t protect you enough, and you suffered because of that. You never should have died in that fire, the fire that was meant for only me. Finding you on that floor, your body lifeless will forever be the worst moment of my life.

Mom paid me a little visit and told me things that I didn’t want to know, about my dad and the men I have come to love.

All my secrets, all their secrets, and losing you. It all became too much, my heart never felt whole after losing you, even when the guys made me happy.

I guess, I felt I never really deserved their love, not when you were no longer in this world. Not when you will never get to experience this sort of love.

Hopefully, I’ll be with you soon, I just want to hold you in my arms again, even if I don’t deserve to.

I’m sorry baby,

Love Mommy

X

Chapter 1

Autumn

The weightless feeling of the abyss surrounds me once again, enveloping me in its comfort while I wait for Chloe to appear. Time has no need here; it just feels like it stands still. I hope the guys can forgive me for this, and that they try to understand why I had to do this. That I love them all, but that I didn’t deserve to live when Chlo doesn’t.

“Y’know, that was really stupid.” Chlo’s voice sounds from next to me.

Whipping my head around, expecting to see the Chloe who passed away ten months ago, the girl with the two French braids with the pink bows, with the big toothy grin that was too wide for her face, but that’s not the face that is looking back at me.

This is a grown one, what Chloe would have looked like, had she lived and got to become a teenager. Her red hair sits at her shoulders, her once toothy grin now fits her face perfectly, with perfectly straight teeth, and her bright blue eyes twinkle with happiness as she looks at me, with just a hint of sadness. She’s taller too, lean.

“How?” The only word I can manage to force myself to get out.

“The stupid part? Or why do I look like this?” she tilts her head to the side, smiling at me.

“Both?”

“I can choose how I want to look here; time doesn’t work here like it does there…” She looks me over, a disapproving sigh leaving her lips “And the stupid part. What were you thinking mama?”

“I couldn’t take it anymore Chlo, the pain was too much. Every day was a chore, I felt like I was one foot in the grave. It wasn’t fair to them. I’m where I need to be.” I tell her seriously.

“You are not! You are supposed to be there, living your life, and moving on with those boys. Not blaming yourself, for something our mom did.” Chloe tells me sternly, her once bright blue eyes that held so much innocence, now blazing with anger.

“But if I hadn’t…”

“No buts! You didn’t start that fire, Autumn. You shielded my body with your own, to protect me. All you ever did was protect me, so whatever Mom has said to you is just her being jealous of how great you are!”

I can’t help the tears that fill my eyes, or the way my lip starts to tremble. This is the Chloe that she should have been able to grow up to be, but now she’ll never get to be.

Rolling her eyes at me, she pulls me in for a hug. She still smells the same. Still feels like home. With one hug she manages to heal my heart a little bit more.

“I’ve missed you, mama,” she cries, her tears wetting my shoulder.

“I’ve missed you too, Chlo, so much.”

Hugging her back tightly, I can feel her trembling.

After she manages to calm down, she pulls back with a frown.

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