Page 48 of Digging Deeper

I walk back, sitting up on the edge of the bed, but I don’t stand because I’m not sure what his next move will be. I’m not sure I even want to see him right now.

My door creaks open farther, and Drix is sitting there on the floor, staring at me with the sweetest, saddest, most endearing look on his face that I’ve ever seen. It’s like someone kicked his puppy.

The dogs whine and wag their tails, sniffing him and acting like they haven’t seen him in weeks, and he pets them, but his eyes never leave me. Once he’s leaning against the doorjamb, sitting on the floor, both dogs settle down on either side of him. He pets them absentmindedly as he stares at me, and after what feels like an eternity, he says, “I found another spider in the hall on a picture frame.” He holds it up. “What am I up to now? Sixty?” He’s been finding them for weeks.

“Sixty-eight,” I correct.

“You seriously remember that off the top of your head?”

I shrug and glance away. I remember pretty much everything that has to do with him, so why not that?

He sighs, long and drawn out, tired. “I didn’t want to piss off my brother, and I don’t want to mess anything up between you and Holds. What if we date and it doesn’t work out and we make everything awkward—”

“I think that ship has sailed, buddy,” I mutter.

His lips quirk up a tad. “Yeah, I kinda messed that up, huh?”

“Yes.”

He sighs and runs his hand over his face. “I didn’t want to hurt you, either. Yeah, stupid considering I already have, but there it is.”

We’re silent for a few minutes because I don’t know what to say to him, but I have to ask. “Then why did you kiss me?”

He blows out a frustrated breath, but looks me in the eye again. “I couldn’t resist you anymore.”

And that is… I don’t know what that is. Kind of sweet, I think. “Okay. Um… so you’re gay?”

He shakes his head. “Bi.”

Oh. Well, then. “Have you been with other guys?”

“No.” He sighs. “My dad told me to ignore it when I told him, and”—he waves it away—“I don’t really want to get into all of that right now. Holds was surprised, too, by the way… he will probably talk to you about it, if you guys need to. But no, I haven’t.”

Not knowing what else to say, I start picking at the edge of the comforter so I don’t have to stare him in the eyes. He just threw a ton of information at me, but I still don’t know what it all means or what he wants. Or what I want.

“Gavin?” When I glance at him, he asks, “Will you go on a date with me?”

My mouth falls open. “You want to after everything you said?”

He nods. “Yes.” He sounds so sure of it.

But I’m not so sure. After one makeout session and his rejection, I was a total mess. How will I be if we date and it doesn’t work out? “I don’t know, Drix. I don’t know if I can do this.”

“Why don’t we try and see what happens?”

I close my eyes and take a calming breath. I don’t want to get hurt again, but I’m just so tired of being lonely. Holden’s been telling me for years that I deserve to be happy. There’s always going to be a risk of getting hurt, but there’s also a risk of finding some happiness, too.

“Can I come in now, Gav?” His voice is softer than it usually is, and I’m thrown for a second.

I swallow. Hard. “Um… yeah…” I sound unsure and uncomfortable—because I am. Ugh. His presence throws me off. Always. And right now it’s worse after last night.

As he stands, then takes a few steps into my room, Drix sends me a small smile that’s almost sad, then sits on the edge of the bed beside me. He holds his hand between us, palm up, an invitation.

Taking a shaky breath, I slide my hand into his as I nod, my emotions clogging up my throat and making it impossible to speak.

He gingerly links our fingers together, then pulls me closer and pushes himself so he’s right against me, shoulder to shoulder with our combined hands in his lap. Then he lifts them and presses his lips to my knuckles as he whispers, “I’m sorry.” My eyes feel a little teary, but I ignore them and lean into him.

He turns his body toward me, releases my hand, and wraps his arms around me in a hug. Tentatively, I put my head on his shoulder, and he pulls me even closer, resting his cheek on my hair. When I hug him back and he tightens his hold on me, the tears finally spill over, so I bury my face in his neck, a ragged breath escaping me.

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