Page 69 of The Closed Off Captain

“He opened his mouth, and his brain walked out. That's how I know.” She pats my hand. “If not for that, I would still know. My Gunner chose you. Out of all the women in the world he could have, he chose you. And that, my dear, makes you special.”

Guilt rides me hard, and nausea churns my insides. And just like that, I decide to come clean with her. “Mrs. Coftman—”

The lights flash on the truck in front of us. “Oh good. Gunner unlocked it for us.” I turn back and see him striding toward us. I open the front door and climb into the back seat before pulling the seat back, so Mrs. Coftman can climb into the front seat. Gunner helps his mom in and then closes her door. When he climbs into the truck, the tension seems to crackle. I stare out the window, hoping Mrs. Coftman will continue talking like she did on the way here. “Is he alive?” she asks Gunner. Gunner doesn’t say a word as he pulls out of the parking lot.

I lean my head against the seat and wish I were anywhere but here. Unfortunately, I’m stuck in a truck with my fake fiancé and his mom, both of whom are completely silent after meeting the guy I almost got engaged to. Can my life get any more messed up? I’m really wishing about now that I’d driven my own car, so I could just leave and go back to my house. Mrs. Coftman finally starts making small talk, and I’ve never been so grateful.

When we get back to the house, I’m exhausted. As soon as we’re inside, I turn to Mrs. Coftman. “I’m going to head to bed. Good night.”

Her face softens. “Good night, Sweetheart. Sweet dreams.” She hugs me tight, and I relish in her softness for just a moment.

I don’t want to say anything to Gunner, but I know that will look odd to his mom. I don’t look at him but call out. “I’ll see you in there, Gunner.” I don’t wait around for a reply. When I close the bedroom door, I close my eyes and lean against it for a moment. Exhaustion coats my limbs, and I make quick work of getting ready for bed. I want to be in bed, preferably asleep, before Gunner comes into the room. No such luck. The door to the bedroom opens only seconds after I pull the covers up. I quickly squeeze my eyes shut, so he’ll think I’m asleep. Thankfully, he disappears into the bathroom without a word. My reprieve is not long, and he comes out only moments later. I squeeze my eyes shut as soon as I hear the bathroom door open. I know I’m a chicken, but right now, I just want to go to sleep and forget everything that is my life right now.

The bed dips when Gunner climbs in beside me. I lay perfectly still as he settles on the other side of the bed and thank my lucky stars that it’s king size. There’s no accidental touching. “I know you’re not asleep.” His words startle me, and I debate ignoring them and continuing with my ruse. “Your breathing is different when you’re asleep.”

“What are you a sleep doctor?” I snap.

“No, but I've shared a bed with you enough times now to know the difference between when you’re awake and when you’re asleep.”

I still don’t roll over. “Okay. Fine. I’m not asleep, but I’m trying.”As in, I don’t want to talk.

“I know, and I’ll let you. But I didn’t want you to go to sleep before hearing something.” My entire body stiffens at his words. “There is nothing wrong with you, Chloe Liessman. And your ex is an absolute idiot for letting you go.”

His words shock me to my core, and I don’t say anything in response. I’m not capable of framing a response. Finally, I keep it simple. “Thank you, Gunner. You’re a pretty great guy too.”

He sits up in bed suddenly, and I roll over. “What? What is it?”

“I’m looking for my mom.”

“What?” I ask in confusion.

“You called me by my name, so I was looking to see if my mom was in here.”

I smack his arm. “Knock it off.”

He chuckles, and the sound of it fills my soul in a place that really needs it tonight. I stay on my back, staring up at the ceiling. “All right. Go ahead and ask.”

“Ask what?” he asks.

“About Ryan. I’m sure you have questions.”

“About that idiot? No. I don’t want to spend a moment of time even thinking about him, let alone talking about him.”

His answer surprises me, but it settles my spirit. “Good because I don’t want to either.” We’re both quiet for a few minutes.

“He really is an idiot,” Gunner says after a little bit.

“The worst,” I agree.

Suddenly, I’m filled with the urge to explain. “I wasn’t going to marry him.” Gunner says nothing, and I continue. “He was the first guy I seriously dated, and we started dating my freshman year of college. He was a sophomore, and we hit it off at an event. We dated for three years.” I don’t know why I’m telling him this, especially after we both said we didn’t want to talk about him. But I feel like I need to explain Ryan to Gunner. I’m not going to ponder too closely why I feel that way. “He made me feel special, until he didn’t. He originally loved that I worked hard and went after my goals and that I was so driven, until that interfered with his social life. He wanted me to come to every game, be at every event, hang out all the time. But I was pulling a double major and needed time to study and keep my head above water. We fought about it all the time; it was always an issue between us.I thought we would work through it, though; I figured this was just what couples went through, especially when one of them was playing college sports. But it ended the night he pulled out an engagement ring in front of his entire team.” I fall silent as I remember. He had so shocked me that night. “I knew in that moment that I didn’t want it; I didn’t want his ring on my finger. It was like it was all so suddenly clear. I don’t even know if he really loved me, or if he just loved the idea of us together. I accepted the ring from him that night. Maybe I shouldn’t have, but I didn’t want to humiliate him in front of his entire team. I never technically said yes, but I let him put the ring on my finger. He celebrated with his teammates and got drunk, while I slipped from the party and went back to my dorm room. The next day, I asked to meet with him. I returned the ring and told him it was a mistake; he and I would never be happy together. I told him he loved hockey more than he loved me, and obviously that has stuck. I didn’t mean it in a way that he had to choose between hockey and me; I would never do that to a person. Make them choose between a person and something they love. What I meant was that I knew how much he loved hockey; it was a tangible, visible thing. And I knew he didn’t love me with even a fraction of that kind of love, and I wanted that. I felt I deserved that if we were really going to be married. He disagreed; we split ways, and I haven’t seen him in all this time.”

“Until tonight,” Gunner says quietly.

“Until tonight,” I repeat. “I didn’t know he’d become a part of the coaching staff at Northern Michigan. I knew he hadn’t gone pro, because I haven’t seen him on any team over the last four years.” A huge yawn takes over, and I blink weary eyes. A sense of peace comes over me now that I’ve gotten all that off my chest. "Anyway, thanks for listening.”

“Anytime.” I barely hear his reply as sleep claims me.

Chapter 32

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