Page 71 of The Past

And my mother—God, my mother.The woman who had birthed me, who had cradled me when I was small, who had tucked me in at night when I was afraid of the dark… she had chosen silence over standing by my side.

I would never forgive them for this.

Never.

Thankfully, the Mass started and it forced me to let that anger and hurt go as I focused on the priest.He spoke of Rory’s kindness, of his steadfast heart, of his devotion to the land and horses.Most of all, to the people he had loved.

That was me and Kathleen, and now we didn’t have that anymore.The priest’s words became muffled, lost in the dull roar of grief pressing against my ears so that when the service ended, I didn’t even realize it.Tommy stood, gently pulling me up and then we were walking, the procession moving toward the cemetery behind the church.

The rain fell heavier now, drumming softly against the black umbrellas that sprang up around me.Kathleen had one for herself, and Tommy and I shared one that necessitated me having to press close into his body.His warmth was grounding, as was his steady arm around my waist.The cemetery sat just beyond the chapel, nestled against the backdrop of the rolling hills of Glenhaven.Generations of Conlans lay beneath moss-covered headstones and now Rory would be buried among them.

The scent of wet earth rose as the grave diggers lowered the casket into the ground.I barely registered the priest’s final words.I simply couldn’t find comfort in anything.

“It’s all right, darlin’,” Tommy murmured, his lips brushing against my temple.“I got you.”

I clung to him, nodding my understanding of his security, and I managed to put on a brave smile.I kept repeating to myself that it would get better.The grief would lessen, and I would be able to move on.

♦

Rory’s cottage wasfilled with people, as is the custom, and Kathleen and I spent all day yesterday cleaning and polishing, knowing we’d have visitors.Neighbors brought food, offering murmured condolences, but I didn’t feel the heaviness that was pressing down at the church.Stories were told about Rory and there was also much-needed laughter.Whiskey was passed around along with bowls of stew, corned beef and cabbage and warm soda bread and fresh churned butter.Tommy, bless his heart, played the part of host so Kathleen and I could talk to all the visitors, and I saw him in the kitchen doling out plates of food with a friendly smile.

Kathleen moved through the room with quiet dignity, accepting embraces, nodding to murmured sympathies, and she spent time reliving memories with others.I was glad to see some color in her cheeks and maybe this was exactly what was needed.Community reminding each other why we were mourning—because of how wonderful Rory was.

It was warm in the cottage and I decided to slip outside for some fresh air.The afternoon held a chill, but it felt grand against my heated skin.The rain had slowed to a fine mist and I drew in a deep breath.

“It will all be okay,” I promised myself, and I actually believed it.I was made of stronger stuff and Rory had had confidence in me.That didn’t die with him.

I wrapped my arms around myself, staring across the darkening fields that stretched toward the horizon.Fog rolled in and the wind blew gently.I oddly loved the eeriness of it.

“Fiona.”

I turned sharply, my stomach twisting.Beyond the low stone wall of the garden stood my father.

A dark silhouette with a rigid posture.He stepped closer and I saw that his expression was completely unreadable.A different kind of cold washed over me, one that had nothing to do with the rain, because I didn’t know what to expect.I didn’t know this man anymore.

I glanced back toward the house, the door open to let in a cooling breeze.People milled about, but I couldn’t see Tommy or Kathleen.

I guess it didn’t matter.I had nothing to fear from this man, so I turned back to him and lifted my chin.“What do ye want?”

His voice was smooth, practiced.“I want ye to come home.”

A sharp, humorless laugh burst from my throat because there was no love or regret in his tone.He wasn’t beckoning me to rejoin the family because he’d made a mistake or because he missed me.I could tell… this was still business.“After everything?”I asked softly.“After abandoning me?After refusing to come to Rory’s funeral?”My voice cracked, but I did not falter.“Ye have some nerve.”

His eyes darkened at my blatant disrespect, but his voice remained calm.“It’s time to stop this nonsense.Ye need a proper home, a proper future.Rory’s gone.Ye don’t have an adequate guardian anymore.”

“Kathleen will be my guardian,” I countered.

“She’s not blood and I’ll oppose it.”

“I don’t care.”

“Ye can’t support yerself,” he said evenly.“I’m offering ye a good option.”

I snorted with genuine amusement.“I won’t tell ye again, marrying Brian is no option at all.And besides…” I screwed up my courage and I let him have it.“Tommy proposed and I accepted.I’ll be marrying him and not Brian, and that’s that.”

A muscle ticked in his jaw.“Like hell ye are.Ye don’t have my permission, nor will I give it.Get that notion out of yer head.”

“I don’t need yer permission.”Although I actually did, but at this point, I wasn’t going to agree with him on anything.

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