Page 14 of Rise By Sin

My heart raced even faster and my grip on the knife almost slipped as my hands soaked with sweat. I couldn’t face it again. I couldn’t face finding Colt the way I had found my mom.

Knowing that no matter what, I had to get it together and face reality – whatever that may be, I pushed down the metal handleand threw the bathroom door open. It was dark inside the bathroom, but there was enough light coming through the small window to see the entire space and take in the fact it was empty.

I hadn’t even realized I’d been holding my breath until I gasped in some much needed oxygen, and stumbled back against the wall behind me.

All of my pain and exhaustion hit me at once and I slid down until my ass hit the marble tiles of the bathroom floor.

“Anything?” I swiped a tear from my cheek discreetly as I looked up at Deacon. He was in the doorway, his arm above his head holding onto the door frame as he awaited my reply.

“All clear,” I told him, my voice a quiet rasp. “You?”

“Nothing. The place is just as tidy as it always is,” he replied, and I nodded.

“Colt’s n-not here.” I wasn’t sure if the last part was for Deak, or me assuring myself once again that Colt was not laid dead anywhere.

“We’ll find him. He’ll be alright,” he told me confidently.

“I have to,” I whispered in a moment of weakness. I had been such a bitch to push Colt the way I had for so long, over the last couple of years. Now I might have lost him forever and he probably thought I didn’t give two fucks about him. I had been such a selfish, self-absorbed excuse for a sister and I hated myself for it.

“Come on. Let me help you settle somewhere more comfortable, then I’ll go to the car and get your bag for you, okay?” Deak said as he held a hand out to me. I didn’t even have it in me to try and argue with him. He was a complete stranger to me, but heseemed to want to help and for once I didn’t want to turn that help away.

CHAPTER 4

AVA

I start the next morning just like every other – with a huge handful of pills, and the desperate hope that they’ll ease my pain enough to give me at least a low-pain start to my day.

I give them ten minutes to kick in as I just lie still, then I begin the arduous task of making my uncooperative and broken body get me out of bed. I’m relieved my pain is a lot less than the night before as I get to my feet and don’t feel any spasms down my back, or cramping in my thighs. Thankfully, the bottle of Vodka I’d picjed up before leaving home and stashed in my backpack, had been enough to knock me out for around five hours, which I knew would be enough sleep to get me going that day. It likely wouldn’t be enough to get me through the day, but that was a later problem and right now I had enough now problems.

As I rifled through my bag for a clean set of clothes and toiletries, I already knew there was no way I could shower in the attached bathroom off to my right. The shower in there was over the luxurious spa tub Colt had installed for me when I was teenager. I had loved it before. Taking a soak in that enormous tub with it’s massaging jets had been my happy place after a stressful day, but now it was just another obstacle I could never overcome, no matter how hard I trained and did physio. It was just an early morning reminder of how very far I had fallen – ine I truly didn’t need right then.

Angrily sweeping up my clothes and washbag I tucked them under one arm and stormed from my room. I was so frustrated with myself. I’d been back in the city for just over twenty-four hours and I was already allowing cracks to show in the armor I had spent the better part of a year constructing. Deacon had carried me the night before, for fuck’s sake! I had cried and fallen in front of him and shown so much of my broken, just the thought of it made me ill. I didn’t need pity! And I never again wanted anyone to see me as some weak victim in need of help, or worse, as such easy prey to do with as they wished.

Now I was wallowing in self fucking pity and I hated it. It was such a useless waste of energy to feel sorry for myself when I was stuck the way I was!

I walked into Colt’s bedroom and moved through to his adjoining shower room, slamming my hand over the control to get the thing started, then cranking the heat as high as I could.

Being back there was a huge challenge to the emotions and memories I had thought I had a tight rein on for so long. That shower, right there before it, where I stood, it had been where Colt brought me that fateful night ten years before. The tattered remains of my clothes had been sticking to the deep wounds beneath as the blood dried, and Colt had so carefully dampened them and peeled them away so I could climb into that very shower and wash away my shame and terror. When I had crumbled after stepping out if that shower, my body almost in as much pain as my tortured thoughts, Colt had raced back into the shower room and held my towel wrapped body right there on that very spot. He’d held me protectively and just let me cry, then when the exhaustion became too much he had carried me to my bed, tucked me in, and laid at my side all night.

The memories were right there, waiting to drag me right back to that night. I could smell the blood, feel the stiffness in every movement from the blood smeared and dried across my skin. The pain was so real too, and the fear. Ut was all right there, as close and horrifying as it had been that night ten years before.

I turned and slammed my hands down hard on the cold marble vanity. I didn’t have time to go back there and I sure as shit didn’t have time to fall apart. Colt needed me, maybe as much as I had needed him that night and I wasn’t going to let him down again. I had been a shitty sister to him ever since that night. I was determined to find him and prove I could do better.

I rushed through a shower, fighting like hell to push back the flashbacks that were weighing down heavily on me. I was already feeling tired by the time I stepped out, but I forged on and pulled on a pair of jeans which were too damned big on me after the amount of weight I’d lost since I last wore them. Since they were all I’d brought and my other pair were dirty from the day before, I just shrugged it off, rolled the top once and pulled over my oversized CPD sweatshirt. I was so beyond caring about my appearance anyway, I reminded myself as I braided my wet hair, and stepped into my ankle boots. I didn’t even look in the mirror before ditching my wet towel and yesterdays clothes in the hamper near the door. I was decent, and that was all I had in me.

I go back to my room to grab my meds, which I shoved into my backpack, and the empty vodka bottle. If Colt magically came home the last thing I wanted him finding was my empties lying all over.

Halfway down the hall to the living area I froze as the sound of low male voices reached me. No one should be in the apartment, I realized. Deacon assured me he was leaving after he helped meto bed. My heart raced at the thought it could be Colt, but if it was, then who was with him? Instinctively, I slipped my arms into the straps of my backpack, leaving my hands free, and had my hand around the hilt of the knife hidden in my boot when deep laugh echoed around me. A laugh I knew all too damned well. Mason.

I released the knife and charged down the hallway as much as I could with my limping gait and the clicking of my stick against the shiny wooden floor.

“What the fuck is this?” I demanded as I entered the open plan living area and found Deacon and Jack kicking back on the sofa, and Mason propped against the wall between the huge windows that overlooked the city below, looking as though he belonged there. And if I found myself admiring how good he looked in his charcoal slacks with a matching vest that fit him like it was made for him, and the rolled up sleeves over his muscled forearms, of the crisp white collared shirt he wore underneath, then that was just my police training. Take in and retain every detail of every one you meet is what I’d been taught.

“Hey Ava, How are you feeling?” Deacon asked as hre turned to look over the back of the sofa at me.

“Don’t you fucking ‘hey’ me. What the fuck are you doing here? You said you’d leave? And how the hell did they get in?” I demanded as I moved my glare from Deak and over to Mason and Jack.

“I couldn’t leave you. The alarm system had been disarmed, Ava. Someone has been in this place and they could have come back,” Deacon sighed.

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