Page 5 of Rise By Sin

“Stop it!” I told myself again, this time staring at my reflection in the mirror over the vanity. I missed so much though. I missed my life, and my brother, I missed feeling fulfilled and settled. I missed peaceful sleep, and days filled with no pain or bone deep exhaustion. Most of all I missed myself. I wasn’t me anymore. I hadn’t been for ten years, since the night so much was taken from me in a matter of hours. Since then I’d tried hard to plaster over the holes that monster made in me. I’d found armor that kept everyone at arm’s length and I had found a way to live with what happened to me. My job got me through mainly, and I had thrown everything I had left into being the detective I was desperate to be.

Then one night, two years earlier that had been ripped from me too, along with my strength, my independence, my self-respect, and my will to keep fighting.

Now the reflection looking back at me wasn’t the Ava I had been in college – light and free and filled with hope. Nor was she ‘Scott’ as everyone called me at CPD. That tenacious, determined kid who worked her way up to detective in just a few short years, was gone too. Now I was an empty shell filled with nothing but regret, pain, and memories I would happily discard if I knew how.

I was too thin and so pale my skin looked almost translucent in the areas in and around the bruising from that fucker hitting me the night before. My red eyes were circled with dark rings that were heavy and prominent. My hair was lifeless and greasy looking, the once vibrant strawberry blonde now darkened because I never went out into the sun more than I had to any longer. My body was thin too, since I spent all of my timeworking out, drinking, and wallowing. Under my clothes things were even worse, my body a map of all of the regrets in my life, there for me to relive every time I removed my clothing.

I shook my head at myself. I was having a pity party and there wasn’t time for it. I had to shower, get dressed and find my brother. I may be useless for most things now, but I refused to let Colt down. He had always been there for me, and I would not fail him at the one time he may need me.

I powered through the shower, refusing to look at any part of myself where I might see the scars. It had been ten years. I needed to get the hell over it all, and I knew it.

Once I was out and dried off I pulled on underwear and a pair of black skinny jeans with a black long sleeved henley. It was hardly in keeping with the dress code atTemple, but it was as much as I was willing to do to fit in. I slid on my black slip on sneakers and scraped my hair into a pony tail on my head. I didn’t even own make up any longer, so that was a no go, even if I had wanted to give my self a boost, which I did not. I didn’t care what anyone thought, I reminded myself.

I packed up the rest of my belongings into the small backpack I brought with me, and tried calling Colt one last time before I left the room. Of course there was no answer, and there was nothing in reply to the texts I had sent him either. I had a bad feeling I wasn’t going to find him atTemple, but since he mainly worked out of his office there, I hoped I could at least find some clues about what was going on, amongst his papers in there.

Opting to walk to the club I pulled on my long, black, wool overcoat and left the hotel via the front entrance. It was bitterly cold outside and dark now that the sun had set. Some snow lingered from the last storm, and it was playing havoc withthe black chrome walking stick I used to help support me. It had a handle that I usually pressed my weight onto. But the slippery surface underfoot made that impossible. Add to that how crowded the sidewalk was, and the fight I faced just to get through, and I was shaking with exhaustion by the time I got to the front ofTemple.

It wasn’t until I was before it, looking at the entrance that hadn’t changed one bit since the last time I ran through it ten years before, that I realized returning there may not be as simple as I’d expected it to be.

Instantly a replay of that night opened in my head, and I saw myself naively fleeing the club because of such ridiculous jealousy, launching myself into the danger of the city late at night, alone and unable to defend myself. I’d been such an idiot.

“Can I help you?” I startled from the memory that had sucked me back in time and looked up at a huge guy who loomed over me. I wasn’t short at five feet eight, but this guy had almost a foot on me. He had his arms crossed over his chest, and even through the black jacket he wore I could see how wide his biceps were and the sheer width of his built shoulders.

Still shaken from the memory I tried to step back, away from him, but my left foot slipped out from me on a patch of ice and I went down hard and fast.

“Mother fuck!” I screeched as pain shot through my back in violent spasms. At least I’d managed not to smash my already damaged spine on the ground this time.

“Fuck! Are you alright?” The bruiser of a guy panicked as he knelt on the floor beside me. I took in the neon yellow lanyard around his neck and realized it was a security ID, for the club. I followed that up to a wide neck. His jaw was strong and coveredwith short stubble. His nose was straight and just slightly too big for his face to make him classically handsome. His eyes, which were scanning me, probably for injuries, were wide, and the color was a light Gray that just verged on blue under the lights from the club. His hair was neat and styled in place, shorter on top and pushed up and to the right just a little on top. It was a chestnut brown that suited his light eyes, complimenting them and softening his intimidating size as he just stayed at my side, awaiting my answer.

“I’m fine,” I answered abruptly, pulling my eyes away from his before he lured me in any further. He may not be classically handsome, but he was still good looking and definitely sex on a stick. It had been a long time for me, and even in the state my body was, I could still dream a little. “You always sneak up on people and scare the shit out of them like that?” I added as I grabbed my stick and started the struggle to get my ass off of the freezing sidewalk and back to my feet.

“I called out to you, but you didn’t answer. It’s like you zoned out. I just wanted to check you were good. Your face?” He nodded to my bruised face as he placed his hand under my right elbow and helped me to get up. “Who did that to you?”

I looked up, hearing some anger in his growled words, and found him watching me with concern, and fire in his eyes.

“Stand down soldier,” I quipped as a smile teased my lips. “I already took care of the dipshit.”

“You did?” he questioned as he looked me over with a raised eyebrow.

“You got something against women who know how to take care of themselves?” I asked defensively.

“Fuck no. I just hate when women need to,” he sighed as his face softened a little. He had looked intimidating when he was pissed, but now his features had softened, and despite his huge size, I found myself seeing something gentle in his eyes. “You’re trouble, huh?” he asked, and a small smile lifted the corners of his mouth, making him even better looking.

“With a capital ‘T’.” I replied with a smile of my own. “Don’t you forget it.”

“Wouldn’t dare,” he told me as he held his hands up before him in surrender. “You a member here?” He nodded to the club behind him.

“Used to be. I moved away. I’m looking for Colton. Is he around?”

“And you are?” he questioned.

“Ava Scott. Colt’s my brother. I need to speak to him. It’s important.”

“Come inside. I’ll call up to the office,” he said as he placed his wide hand at the small of my back, and helped me into the entrance. I would have protested had I not been feeling shaky and unsteady after the first fall.

“So Colt’s here?” I asked hopefully.

“No idea. I only just started my shift,” he shrugged. “Name’s Deacon, by the way. You can call me Deak,” he added with a wink, which I rolled my eyes at, but inside things were stirring that I’d started to believe no longer functioned.

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