Page 56 of Steadfast

“I feel like I was hit by a fuckin’ truck,” Cian muttered behind me.

I froze.

“Shit,” he said. “Bad choice of words.”

“I’m going to go talk to Aunt Ashley,” I announced. “You guys stay in here.”

“I’m bored,” Ronan protested.

“You’re fine.” I waved him off. “How you feeling, Ash?”

“Okay,” she said, looking up from her Barbie. “My ear feels better.”

“Good.” We’d still need to stay on top of her antibiotics. I really hoped this round worked.

I made my way out to the living area and found Aunt Ashley sitting at the counter in the kitchen, a notepad in front of her.

“Feel better?” she asked.

“Tons,” I replied, stopping on the opposite side of the island. “Sorry for crashing like that.”

“No worries,” she replied with a shake of her head. “I can’t believe you drove all the way through the night.”

“Adrenaline is a magical thing,” I said with a grim smile. It was weird, but when I had all of my siblings with me, I very much felt like one of the kids. Now that Aunt Ashley and I were facing each other one-on-one, it felt like we were on equal footing. “I’m sorry we just showed up on your doorstep. I wasn’t sure what else to do.”

“I’m glad you did,” she said seriously. “I hope you know that I’ll do whatever I can to help.”

“Having someone who’s settled and says they’ll take us on,” I replied. “That’s what we need.”

“You have it.” Her response was instant.

I straightened. “I don’t need you to take care of us,” I said firmly. “I’ll get a job and figure it out. I just need the legitimacy, you know? Of an older person.”

Aunt Ashley watched me for a long moment, and I wondered if we’d be driving through the night again. I wasn’t sure where we would go, but—

“Honey, I’m not going to try and take over, okay?” She smiled sadly. “It’s clear who the parent is in this situation.”

“I’ve had to be,” I replied defensively.

“I see that.” She tapped her pen against the notepad. “I’m sorry I didn’t know how bad things had gotten. I heard a little from the kids at lunch…when Saoirse would let them speak.”

“Old habits,” I mumbled, a little embarrassed. Then I straightened my shoulders. I had nothing to be embarrassed about. “Mom was drunk and when she wasn’t drunk, she was gone. The kids needed food and structure and someone who gave a shit.”

“And that person was you.”

“Who else would it be?”

“I should’ve been there. Checked in.” She shook her head. “After Mandy and I got into it at your dad’s funeral, she told me in no uncertain terms not to come back.”

“I remember.”

“I should’ve ignored her,” she said. “I knew she was in bad shape, but I had no idea how bad it was for you kids. Before Sean—” She cleared her throat. “I just never could’ve imagined that she’d check out like that.”

“She was nothing without him,” I replied flatly. “A shell. She didn’t have the capacity to look afterherselfafter he was gone. We were just people who lived in the house she paid for.”

A tear dripped down Aunt Ashley’s cheek. “Your dad would be livid.”

“I know.”

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