Page 65 of Never Been Shipped

Tatiana rolled her eyes with a little smile. “Well, obviously Library Dead Girl was how she was credited. I call her Mallory like a normal person. But yeah, that’s the one.”

“People really would lose their minds,” John said. “I’m losing my mind. But that’s awesome. I’m glad you stayed in touch or reconnected or whatever.”

Tatiana glanced over at him. “There’s something special about it, isn’t there? Being with someone who knew you in a different period of your life, who can help you knit together who you were then and who you are now.”

Over a brief break in the music, John heard Micah laughing, that throaty sound that turned into a full-out cackle by the time she got going. From the way her mouth formed an O, her eyes shining as she looked from one member of the Silver Cuties to another, he imagined that there had been some gentle trash-talking between them to get her to react like that. She must’ve felt him looking at her, because she caught his eye from across the stage, her face still midlaugh. She shimmied her shoulders and moved her thumbs in a short approximation of a hoedown dance before pulling a face likeJust kidding, don’t worry about it. He grinned over at her.

He’d almost forgotten that Tatiana was still standing next to him, which was unforgivably rude, but she didn’t seem to mind. “Go on,” she said, waving toward Micah. “Enjoy the rest of your date.”

Chapter

Twenty-Eight

Micah had forgottenhow much she enjoyed talking to other musicians—the common language of gear and production and personnel, the excited appreciation for fellow artists who were crossing genres. Somehow she’d gotten it into her head that every interaction she had with anyone in the industry would have this giant elephant sitting right in the middle of it, like she wouldn’t be able to look anyone in the eye without seeing her own failure reflected back at her. But when the Silver Cuties’ drummer asked if she’d ever consider doing some vocals on one of their songs as a feature, she didn’t automatically jump to assume the question was in bad faith, that he was making fun of her somehow. And even if she knew hermaybewas just a soft way to sayprobably not, still. It had felt good to be asked.

By the time John made his way over to her, one of the members of the Silver Cuties had already moved on to get another drink and the conversation was coming to a close anyway. She smiled at John as he approached, and there was a brief awkwardmoment when it would’ve been natural for him to put his arm around her or lean over to give her a kiss. She could tell he wanted to. Shewantedhim to, wanted to pull him closer herself. She’d been watching him out of the corner of her eye, the whole time he’d been talking with Tatiana. At one point, he’d shrugged out of his hoodie, and she couldn’t help but track the motion, taking in the flex of his biceps under his T-shirt, his exposed forearms lightly dusted with hair, the knob of bone at his wrist.

At the same time, there was still an entire day left on this cruise, and she didn’t know if it made sense to introduce this new variable into the mix. With their fellow bandmates, with the audience, even with themselves. She was trying to hit all the right notes.

So she settled for keeping things casual. “Did you smooth out all your differences after shuffleboard?” she asked.

“For sure,” he said. “And you willnotbelieve this, but Tatiana has been dating Library Dead Girl for months now.”

Micah searched her brain for what that could possibly mean. “That has to be the name of some performance artist or something, right, because you don’t look sufficiently weirded out if that’s literal.”

“I forgot you’re not the hardcoreNightshiftersfan I am,” John said. “She’s an actress who was in one episode as a girl who got murdered on her way home from the library—Mallory something.”

“Ohhh,” she said, less because she remembered anything about the episode John was referencing and more because she finally got what he was saying. “Damn, that’s cool. People would lose their minds.”

“That’s exactly what we said.” He grinned at her, like he wasproud of her for reaching the same conclusion he and Tatiana had. It wasn’t even like it was that big a deal—it was an extremely easy conclusion to reach—and yet she still felt his approval like a warm glow.

“I didn’t realize she was…gay. Or bi, or pan. In a same-sex relationship. I only remember hearing about past boyfriends.”

“I don’t know how open she is about it,” John said. “So we’ll just keep it to ourselves to be on the safe side.”

“Definitely.” Micah had been out as long as she could remember—she’d admitted to crushes on girls as far back as fourth grade, and she’d matter-of-factly told her parents because at the time she didn’t even think there might be a reason why she might not want to. She’d been fortunate to have a loving family who didn’t blink at something like that, who never made her feel like she was different or wrong or anything other than just…a person who happened to be attracted to more than one gender.

“Does it bother you that I’m bi?” she asked John now, the words flying out of her mouth before she could think about taking them back.

His brows drew together. “No…I hope I’ve never given you any reason to think it would.”

“No,” she said. “But some people…I don’t know. I’ve dated people who seemed confused by it, or intimidated by it, or who didn’t even believe it was a ‘thing.’ ”

She probably didn’t have to tell him that Ryder was one of those people. He vacillated between fetishizing her sexuality, when it suited him to picture her with another woman, or erasing it, when he tried to convince her that she probably wasn’treallybisexual.

“I’ve always thought it was cool that you knew yourself that way from a relatively young age,” John said. “I’m glad you felt safe enough to share it with people. It doesn’t confuse me or intimidate me, and I do believe it’s a real thing. I also believe in climate change, while we’re laying all our cards on the table.”

She knocked her shoulder against his, the closest she could get to a bit of PDA while they were literally on a stage surrounded by hundreds of people. “I believe in climate change, too,” she said. “But speaking of cards on the table…I think I have an idea for our next stop.”

—

The ship’s casinowas a cacophony of flashing lights and various electronic sounds, and it was hard to get through the crush of regular people, much less the ones wanting an autograph or picture. But Micah was gratified when she saw the top of Frankie’s tightly curled hair behind one of the machines, and she assumed Steve was nearby, too. She’d thought she might find them there.

“How do you feel about group activities on a date?” she said into John’s ear, trying to get the volume right to where he’d hear her over the din but she wouldn’t be blowing out his eardrum.

He raised his eyebrows. “Normally I’d save that for the sixth, maybe seventh, but I can be adventurous.”

She pinched his arm, wishing she could linger over that spot, rub the wound she’d just inflicted. But instead she separated herself from him more, pulling ahead as she led him over to where Steve and Frankie were standing in front of a couple slot machines.

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