Page 147 of Did They Break You

I don’t know what he means. If he wants to do it how it happened. If he wants to relive it.

Before I have my next thought, he’s crushing his lips to mine and I let him, his tongue sweeping in, clashing with my own, stroking over the ball of my piercing.

I feel his own against my lips, and I moan into his mouth as his fingertips press into my sides, his cock growing hard on my stomach.

I rise up on my tiptoes, giving in, wanting to feel him between my thighs.

His kiss isn’t gentle, but it feels better this way. A little pain with the sweetness. A reminder of the heartache I know is coming.

But I get swept up in this, in him, and by the time he’s pulling away, both of us breathing hard, I’ve almost forgotten we’re inthe middle of a cave and there’s a whole world outside of it that is just itching to tear us apart.

“Let’s go eat,” he says, taking my hand, threading his fingers through mine and pulling me to the mouth of the cave, as if he didn’t just steal my breath.

But I follow him, wiping the back of my hand over my mouth, as if wiping away his kiss will help with the misery I know will come eventually.

We spendall day in the little town around Grim Mountain. Once we’re back at the campsite, he drives down an abandoned road that seems to lead to nowhere, putting the truck in park tucked just inside the forest, as far as he could drive without hitting a tree.

Van has texted me a few times, and I assured him I’m okay, but night has fallen now, and soon, he’ll panic.

But I can’t let this go. Not yet. I don’t want the day to end.

My skin is warm and there’s vodka in my bloodstream. Cortland ordered a fountain drink through a drive-thru, and I dumped some Tito’s in it that was in the backseat, slurped it down before our drive back, making him laugh by singing rock in the car at the top of my lungs and off-key.

It felt good to give into that side of me, even if I had to use the alcohol to help guide me along.

Now, though, my high has kind of fallen, and I’ve got my seatbelt off, but my ass is still planted in my seat. We probably only have a few moments left before Van calls me nonstop until I pick up, but I’m savoring every second. Besides, I’m sure Ryann is keeping my cousin busy.

“Thank you,” I finally say. I meet Cortland’s eyes, and he smiles. “For today.”

“You deserve it.” He has one hand on the wheel, the other on the center console, and his gaze drifts to the thick forest ahead of us, his lights off, darkness pressing in on us. “Are you going back in the morning?” he asks quietly before looking back at me.

I shift in my seat, one leg in it, foot pressed against my inner thigh. “Yeah. With Van.” I hold his gaze and see him frown. I think of last night and my cheeks warm.

“You like him?” he asks me.

I hitch up one shoulder, a smile playing on my lips. “He wouldn’t be my best friend if I didn’t.” I know what he’s asking but giving in seems too easy. Besides that, this isn’t a relationship. It’s probably better if it hurts now.

It’ll all come crashing down around us soon.

There’s no world that this makes any sense. And even if it did, even if it could, if we could convince the people around us that this is it for us, the scars around my heart from that night… I’m not sure they’ll ever heal. Long-term, the resentment would grow. Some nights, I still don’t sleep.

But I remember last night, with his arms wrapped around me, when I didn’t wake up until morning, even though he’s the monster I’m scared of in that basement of my mind. Funny how that works.

“Are you fucking him?” Those words are bit off with anger and I blink at him, surprised.

Still, I cross my arms, hunching my shoulders. “I told you. He’s my cousin.”

“I don’t give a fuck if he’s your twin brother. Are you fucking him, Remi?”

I press my lips together to keep from laughing. Then, “I meant what I told you. I haven’t fucked anyone,” I confess. I’mnot sure anymore that I hate it’s the truth but my words still come out bitter.

I turn to stare out the windshield, not wanting to make eye contact. The little hairs on the back of my arm stand on end with our pitch-black surroundings. With “Genesis”by Deftones playing through the speakers.

Cortland grabs my arm, unraveling one from across my chest. I face him again, and he leans across the center console, in my face. “Why do you say it like it’s such a fucking bad thing?” he growls.

I take a breath. And another. And another, one hand fisted on my thigh.

He lets go of me and places his hand on my other leg.

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