Page 218 of Did They Break You

Those words level me. The truth in them.

“Yours happens to be Cortland Adler.” She smiles sadly at me. “And you know why I really hated him?” she whispers, her hands on my shoulders, squeezing me softly.

I shake my head, biting my cheek.

“Because he was crazy about you in high school, Remi. Everyone could see that.”

That lump in my throat grows bigger.

“I don’t know why he had to fuck it all up.” She shakes her head, like the stupidity of men eludes her. She looks again at the blade on the ground, saving me from having to respond to her words. “You need a new vice, okay?” Her eyes spark as they come back to mine. “Stop blowing off your therapy appointments, and whether you love him or not, if he broke up with you, we’re going to deal with it together.”

I open my mouth, wanting to tell her she’s done enough for me, but she yanks me close to her again, forcing me into another hug. “Not because you’re broken, Remi. But because this is what friends do. When a boy breaks our hearts,we get wasted, and pretend the toilet bowl is his face when we’re puking at the end of the night.”

CHAPTER

SIXTY-ONE

REMI

Two weeksafter I showed up at Cortland’s doorstep with my heart on my sleeve, I heave into the dirty toilet of a frat house. The same one I was at when Cortland supposedly found me in the bushes.

Van is standing by the door, Sloane is behind me, and I feel regret roll through me that I even asked them here. Sloane had plans with Asa, but like most of her plans for the past two weeks, she dropped them. To support me. I told her he was more than welcome but for some reason, he needed to stay home with his stepsister anyway.

Weird, but who am I to judge?

“You okay, Rems?” Sloane asks quietly, her hand smoothing up and down my tight black dress.

I spit into the toilet, my vision blurring.

Music is thudding past the closed door at Van’s back.

“Shouldn’t have taken that last shot, Remi,” he says, his words low. “Or, you know, the five before it.”

“You’re very unhelpful,” Sloane spits to Van.

I laugh, closing my eyes as I wipe the back of my hand over my mouth.So am I, Sloane.

My stomach convulses again, and more puke burns its way up my throat, tainted with vodka.

I hurl into the toilet bowl, the smell bitter, making me feel sick all over again as I sink back on my heels, my fingers finding the toilet handle as I flush it all down.

I bury my head in my hands, Sloane still rubbing my back.

“I miss him,” I mumble, the words slurred from my drunken lips. It’s not the first time I’ve said them, and being drunk is theonly timeI’ll talk about him.

I hear Van groan.“Here we go.”

Sloane ignores him, her scent so much better than the smell of puke in the air as she hugs me close. “I know you do,” she whispers. “But it’s good, you know, that you two got… closure.”

I swallow down the bile in my throat.

“He’s a fucking rapist, what closure could she possibly need besides staying the fuck away from him?” Van snaps, anger edged in every word.

Sloane holds me tighter. She hasn’t asked about my cutting, but I’ve been going to therapy like she told me to and Dr. Ravi hasn’t judged me for blowing it off. My razors are gone. Besides, I’ve traded partying for cutting anyway. Not sure which is better, but drinking too much feels likeshit.

“We don’t get to decide how our heart feels,” she tells Van.

“But we can decide what the fuck we do with our heads.”

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