Page 27 of Did They Break You

The drinking, my outfit the cops categorized as evidence, hanging out with boys like Cortland Adler and his friends.“What did you expect, Remi? That your smile and your brain were what they saw when they looked at you?”

My fault.

I take another step into the dark.

Before I know it, I can barely hear the music. I can’t see anything.

It’s pitch black, and I’m facing my fears.

There’s no one here. I’ve already seen the scariest monsters in the forest. Nothing could be worse than that. Wild animals?I met them, too.

I shiver in the dark, but I’m almost proud of myself. Of those drinks I took.

And as I think about that night, staring off into the darkness, I wonder, like I have so many times before, what would happen if he apologized.

Then, what part of the night I regret the most. The detectives asked me about it. My regret. About when I started to cry. When it became a crime.

My stepdad’s hands were in my mind.

I told them I didn’t want any of it. I didn’t want that.

Is he sorry? Does he regret it? Would he do it differently?That’s what I wanted to ask the detectives. I didn’t care aboutthe position of his hands, or what I was wearing, or how many drinks I had and how far apart.

Does he feel bad?That’s what I want to know.

I think of his hands on me yesterday, and I think I know the answer to that question. Anger thrums through me, but it doesn’t last long. I’m tired of being angry.

I just wantlifeback.

As I lean against the tree beside me, the alcohol making my exhausted body feel heavy, I start to think Storm and Cortland were a bad dream. Maybe they weren’t really here.

The flashbacks came that way sometimes.

Like I was hallucinating. My drunk brain tries to tell me just that. It was a dream.

But then I hear something at my back. The snap of a branch.

Footsteps.

A low laugh.

And I feel something undeniably real.

A hand around my throat, someone’s body pressing against mine. Words in my ear.

“Why do you make it so easy to fuck with you, Rems?”

Before I can react, Cortland’s other hand comes over my mouth, pulling me back into him.

“Save that mouth for later.You’re gonna need it.”

CHAPTER

SIX

CORTLAND

“What the fuckare you doing out here all alone?” I ask her, my mouth to her ear. I can smell the alcohol on her breath and my stomach flips, thinking of that night. The shots she took at the table.

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