Page 47 of Did They Break You

“I just…” His eyes close tight, his face screwed up like he’s in pain. He brings both hands to his eyes, covering his embarrassment.

My chest hurts, my throat is tight.

I take a step toward him.

His narrow shoulders shake. “I just wanted her to want me, Cort,” he whispers, and a choked sob leaves him as his entire body is wracked with grief.

“I don’t want you to be rough,” Maya whines, bringing me back to the present, my hand still on her neck, the other parked on her hip.

“Then get off of me,” I tell her.

Her mouth drops open, then her eyes narrow. “What the hell is wrong with you?” she snaps, sliding her hands down to my bare chest. “You’ve avoided me all week aside from lunch, blew me off after the game last weekend,and the weekend before,you just fucking disappeared. Storm said you’d be back.”

I roll my eyes, dropping my hands by my side, not touching her. “Get off me.”

Her brows hit her hairline. “Is this… is this aboutRemi fucking Ocean?”

Is it that obvious? I can’t get her out of my head. She’s taking up valuable space that should be occupied by my brother. My dad. Anyone buther.The girl who fucked me over and almost ruined my life.

I can’t stop thinking about her. Those cuts on her wrist. I don’t know if I want to hurt her. Fuck her. Help her.I don’t know.

And I see her,everywhere.

Maya promised she never did, and maybe I’m just looking for her, but I’ve watched her walk across campus with some dude that looks like a pothead wannabe artist. I’ve seen her head toward the cemetery with him, disappearing beyond the treeline. I remember watching her back in high school at the graveyard in Aben, where her mom is buried. I assumed she went there to talk to her, but nope.

She just likes graveyards.

Crazy bitch.

There were so many layers to her I never got to peel back, because she fucked us up before I could.

And this past year, I’ve always wondered what she regretted most. What the hell she wanted from me that night. Why she didn’t try to stop it. I never stop dreaming about her.

In some of my dreams, I almost kill her.

In others,she almost kills me.

“No, Maya. It isn’t. Get.Off.”I clench my fingers into fists at my side, that familiar wave of anger sweeping through me. I’ve lived with it for over a year now. Anger at myself. My friends.Her.

It still haunts me.Did I do the right thing?Of course not. But it wasn’t as bad as she said it was.

The legal system agreed with me. But we all know how fucked that is, her most of all. It was four against one, our word against hers. She was a cheerleader and her stepdad is wealthy, sure, but his business is international. He doesn’t work in the community.

My mom does. Chase’s dad owns half of the fucking state, running the largest privately-owned auto dealership company in the nation. A rich redneck that inherited all of his wealth fromhisfather, it doesn’t matter that Greg McGowan can barely string a sentence together.

Brinklin’s dad is in politics, and Storm, well, I don’t even know what the fuck Storm’s family does, but I know they’ve got more money than they know what to do with. Storm doesn’t touch it, which is why he’s my roommate, but still. They helped him out when he needed them.

But that’s not why I got off, was it?

It’s because I’m not what she said I was. I’m not a monster.But now, I kind of feel like I’m turning into one.

“Itisher,” Maya insists, and her face turns red with anger. But she doesn’t budge, crossing her arms over her chest and staying in my lap. “What? You want to fuck with her?” she presses. “Your mom told me to tell her if?—”

I stand then, and she nearly falls to the floor. But she rights herself, stumbling back in her bare feet, tugging down her skirt, her eyes wide.

“You’re talking to my mom?” I ask her quietly, my pulse ticking in a vein in my neck. I canfeelit. My chest hurts, too, my heart pounding too hard.

Maya snatches up her underwear, yanking them up her legs, averting her eyes. She’s scared. She should be. She knows what happened to Tristan.

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