Page 55 of Did They Break You

Leaving now to the dorm, going to bed.

I scroll up and see what Remi usually signs her texts off with and I grit my teeth as I add,xxin a new message. There’re no mentions of me that I see, and I don’t know how to feel about that.

I pocket her phone as she sticks her tongue out, neck still arched. I catch a flash of her tongue ring and I grip her hoodie, yanking her to me, her head dipping down as I do.

“I’m not a playground.” I nod toward the stairs that Storm is still standing by. “Let’s go.”

She laughs, shaking her head. “Bad, bad idea,” she slurs, but she turns anyway, headed for the stairs.

I wrap my arm around her shoulders and Storm folds his across his chest, moving out of the way.

“Bad, bad idea,”he repeats as we go up the steps and he just watches.

My hand drifts down to her round ass and I squeeze her, hard, making her laugh.Feels good to me.

After I close my door and flip the lock, glancing around my room, thankful it’s clean, Remi spins around and bursts into a fit of giggles.

I freeze, wondering if she’s faking her drunk and this was some kind of weird plan to get me in prison, where I’m sure she thinks I belong.

But she just wraps her arms around me, standing on her tiptoes, pressing her body to mine.

I stand with my hands by my sides, still. Grabbing her ass was one thing. Imagining all the ways I want to fuck her is, too. But now we’re actually in here. Alone.

And I’m not so sure I can do any of those things.

My heart is thumping in my chest and my lungs feel like they’re burning. I glance at my computer on my desk, think about the porn, and that night, and…

“Remi,” I swallow down the tightness in my throat, “what are you doing?”

I want to touch her. I want to fuck her. I want to make her tell me she lied that morning, when she went to the police.

I want her to beg for my fucking forgiveness.

But there’s another truth, too.

One I don’t want to face. And that one has my hands by my sides. It’s a little voice in my head sayingI fucked up, too.

She presses her body into mine, and for the first time tonight, I’m thankful for that hoodie she’s wearing. I can still feel the swell of her breasts on my core, but with the layer of fuzzy material between us, at least I can fucking breathe.

She cocks her head, and her eyes look almost as if they match her hair, the way the overhead light reflects on them. Her lips are pulled into a playful smile, but she’s swaying with her arms around my neck, still on her toes.

I clench my teeth together, thinking about what would’ve happened if I hadn’t seen that guy in the bushes. “Come sleep with me,” she says, then she pulls her bottom lip between her teeth.

All the blood seems to rush to my dick, and I curl my fingers into fists to keep my hands by my sides. I don’t even glance at the bed at her back. Orange sheets, team colors. A superstition my dad put in my head since I was a kid. Team colors for my bedding, no matter what. He’d already bought and washed them before I’d left the hospital with Tristan in my passenger seat and I’d told Dad I wasn’t leaving Ellicottville.

But instead of lingering on any of that, I reach up, grab Remi’s wrists and pull her hands off of my neck.

“Remi,” I say, dipping my chin and staring into her eyes, holding her hands down between us, “why don’t you get in bed? I’m going to sleep on the couch downstairs.”

She frowns, hurt flushing across her fair skin in blossoms of pink. There’s a bead of sweat on her temple probably from our walk back, making the baby orange hairs stick to her forehead.

I want to pull this hoodie off of her, but if I do, I’m not walking out of here.

So I’m relieved when, instead of begging me to sleep with her again, her words sound angry as she says, “Why do you hate me, Cort?” She chews the inside of her cheek, rips her arms from me and stumbles back a step. Jerking her chin up to meet my gaze, she says, “You know I didn’t mean to hurt you.” There’s conviction in those words. It makes my stomach twist into knots.

“Remi, what are you talking about?” I take a step toward her, and she takes one back. Suddenly, some of my trepidation about fucking with her is leaving me.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” she says again, her voice breaking on a sob. She stumbles back another step, then sinks down onto my bed, burying her head in her hands.

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