Page 1 of The Anaconda Downstairs

WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE SNAKES?

EVERETT

There are three things that I love in life.

Family.

Football.

And making a woman come...so hard they forget their own name.

And to be honest, family and football aren’t even a close second.

Don’t get me wrong. I absolutely adore my family. I like that they come to me to be their love guru. Family game night with all my siblings and my dad is a deep passion, especially when I win. I would drop everything if any Kingman ever needed me.

And football? Well, football is life.

But what’s life without a well-loved woman warming your bed to make it all the better?

I’ll tell you something I don’t love. The fucking anaconda in my pants.

No, I’m not talking about my dick, despite the nickname I happen to know the entire crew of Mustangs cheerleaders call me. I mean the actual, yellow-spotted snake flicking its tongue at me while curled up in my discarded jeans from last night.

“Why does it have to be snakes?”

I skirted all the way around the edge of my kitchen, sprinted across the living room, and bolted out the sliding glass door into my backyard. At least this time I had a robe on. How embarrassing would it be to have to yell at the neighbor kid butt naked?

“Billy! Billy! Come get your pet snake out of my house before I go all Indiana Jones on it.” I’d already done my best Indy impression by running the fuck away from the giant ass snake in my house.

I couldn’t actually see the kid, but I knew he was there by the telltale football being tossed up and down like every morning. Billy was in the pee-wee league this year and if his snake didn’t strangle him in his sleep first, he might get good since he was always practicing in his backyard. “Who is Indiana Jones?”

“Who is...?” Kids today. Nobody made them watch the classics. My dad had a love of all things movies. If it wasn’t family game night on Sundays, it was movie night. Best way to keep eight rowdy kids occupied, for a few hours anyway. “Never mind. Just come get your damn snake.”

“Yes, sir.”

Oh gawd. I was a sir? I mean, kudos for the respectfulness and all, but I was only twenty-five. I didn’t deserve sir status until I was at least forty, right? Or unless I had a cute little subby girl in my bed. She could call me sir all she wanted. “It’s just Everett or Ev, kid.”

Billy scrambled his way up their side of the fence and plopped down into my backyard. “No, sir. My dad wouldn’t like that.”

His dad didn’t seem to like much, but he did like the Mustangs. Probably why Billy was always practicing. I knew what it was like trying to please your old man. Except mine was always proud of all of us no matter what or how we did.

I pointed at my open back door and the kid jogged inside, returning quickly with his snake dangling around his neck and shoulders.

“Keep that snake out of my house for a week, and you and I can toss the ball around next week, okay?”

“Sorry, sir. I’ll try my best.” He hefted his snake a bit more and she flicked her tongue over his ear. I shivered out the heebie-jeebies that gave me. “She’s a sneaky one. I didn’t even know she was loose again. She sure likes your house a lot.”

“Yeah, I’ve noticed.” This wasn’t the first time I woke up to a surprise snake in my house.

Billy climbed back over the fence, and I swear that snake looked back at me longingly and flicked its tongue at me. I’d stick out my tongue back at it, but it would probably take that as a taunt and come slithering back to wrap itself around my head and crush my skull.

Bleh-wheh-eh. Shiver.

Fucking snakes. How anyone had one for a pet was beyond me.

After starting my morning with the extra workout of snake wrangling in my blood, practice was going to be a cake walk. I got dressed and loaded up my gear. Declan and I were carpooling today, so his fiancée, Kelsey, who I would admit to having more than a little crush on, and her assistant, who I would not admit to having any sort of crush on whatsoever—because she was totally off limits—could have my car.

I headed across the street to his place and sauntered in the front door, left open for me. I tossed the keys on the counter for Kelsey and went searching for my brother.”Dec? You ready to go?”

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