Page 39 of Bound and Branded

I shake my head. Because I don’t want his guilt. I don’t want whatever this is. I certainly don’t want to be paid for. Something that he manipulates to satisfy his caregiver urges without getting his emotions involved, and I am weirded out that I feel that way, because just a little bit ago I was fantasizing about what it would be like to be his professional sex toy. But the thing is, I know I can’t do that. Because if that’s our life, then I’m always going to be waiting for him to cut the cord.

If there’s nothing substantial keeping us together, if it’s just an agreement, just a thing that he’s doing, it’s not any less transactional than the life I live now. Where I could do the wrong thing and…

No. I can’t live like that.

I already live like that. Doing everything I can to keep mine and Dad’s head above water. Doing everything I can to fawn on the one parent I have left. So afraid that I’m going to lose him.

“And I can’t tell my dad that he has to go to rehab.”

“I’ll do it,” he says. “At least let me do that for you.”

I nod slowly. “Okay. I’ll let you do that.”

That seems reasonable, at least. That seems like something I can deal with.

“Stay the night with me,” he says. My throat goes tight. “You can stay in the playroom.”

Of course. He doesn’t want me to stay in his bedroom. He’s keeping those lines drawn. Making sure that I’m reminded that I am a sub. Not his girlfriend. And definitely nothing deeper. That his offer a few moments ago was about sex. About the idea of keeping me on retainer, at the very most, and not about feelings.

Still, I kind of want to stay with him.

“Okay,” I say.

“We can go for a ride tomorrow. You can see the ranch. You can see that I actually do know how to ride a horse.”

I laughed. “I know that you know how to ride a horse.”

“You don’t think I’m a real cowboy.”

“No, I definitely do,” I say.

And something in my chest feels too tight, too painful. But we finish the movie and I go up to bed, my thoughts churning.

What would I do if I didn’t feel tethered to this place? The ranch is my dream. It’s my life. The truth be told, the ranch is also a millstone. It’s drowning me.

But I don’t know who I am without it. So honestly, it feels like drowning either way.

Chapter Eight

Caleb

I’m up at the ass crack of dawn with coffee on, and I’m stopping myself from going and waking her up. It’s good to let her sleep.

Last night keeps replaying itself in my mind, over and over again. When she appeared in the shower I couldn’t think. All I could do was claim her.

I broke a lot of my own rules.

Kissing her. Fucking her without a condom.

But I wouldn’t take it back. It was too good.

Of course, it’s also what landed me in this position. Where I let her spend the night for no good reason and made her all kinds of offers, including going on this ride today, which is by far the least concerning of what I was about to put on the table.

But hell, I’ve got more money than I’ll ever be able to spend. Why not fix her life? Why not offer her everything? The sun, the moon, the stars. No one’s ever fucking offered her that before, and I know it. Her ex-boyfriend was just a whole bunch of work for her. Her dad is all kinds of labor. Her mom left her behind.I can’t give her anything normal. But I could give her a life that looks exactly how she might want to design it. I can dress her up in the most beautiful clothes, buy her a place in the city. Send her to school. I’ve never wanted to take care of a submissive in that way before. But I want to do it with her. It feels right. Like a natural extension of wrapping her in a blanket after a scene. Of making sure she’s hydrated and has enough protein.

I’m obsessed with the idea, if I’m honest. And within that, I want to know more about her. She was funny last night. Not telling me much of anything.

She sticks with her story. With this idea that all she wants is the ranch.

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