Page 5 of Bound and Branded

It’s dedicated to helping kinky people find a partner in their area who matches their personal needs.

Everyone is vetted, their identities verified, and there’s a lot of built-in protection in that. People have STD tests on file and their actual government names, even though you don’t see them when you’re chatting in the app.

The people running it know and if something was going to happen to you, they would know where you were and who you met with. There’s just a whole lot of security built-in, and I like that.

I think.

Of course, I am also still terrified. I’ve only been with the one man and I assumed I’d marry him because part of me wanted to slip into an easy partnership that had some security.

The truth is, in action, I’ve always been the one in charge during sex too. I can’t get out of my own head and I like directing things because it feels easier, safer.

The really weird thing about my BDSM fixation, my fantasies about being powerless, about being forced…is that it’s nothingI’ve even come close to doing in real life. It’s nothing I would say fits my personality at all.

BDSM is not a quick fuck. And I’m aware of that. There’s something about it that terrifies me. The idea of giving my control away.

It’s a particular kind of fear. One that attracts me more than it repulses me.

But the truth is, none of the sex that I’ve had has sparked the kind of need in me that the one angry encounter I had with Caleb has. The way he held me, his hands around my wrists like manacles. I’m intrigued by it.

I swallow hard, and open up the two Dom profiles that I’ve been eyeing on the app.

There’s one guy who lives local who’s into pain. Pain and rough sex, which intrigues me, I’m not going to lie. But it’s notquitewhat I’m after.

That very thought makes me laugh at myself. What am I after? Who can say. It’s not like I know.

I swipe away from that profile and look at the next. He goes by The Duke and I’m not sure if that’s a John Wayne reference – which I wouldn’t know if my grandma hadn’t been obsessed with him – or if he’s trying to get the girls who are into Bridgerton. I can’t work that one out. I’m not sure I need to.

He’s into bondage. Elaborate knots and a total surrender of control. Dubious consent role-play.

Every time I read those words I start getting hot.

And I am intrigued in spite of myself. Mainly because nothing scares me more than the idea of losing control, and there’s something that’s so attractive to me about the idea that I could flirt with a loss of control while also having all these firm agreements in place.

It feels like something I could keep control over in a way. Something that I could maintain a grip on.

Just looking at the words in his profile starts to ramp up my libido. I’ve messaged him twice. He knows that I live in the area and that I’m an inexperienced submissive.

He told me that he likes to train subs who are trying to get into the lifestyle.

Just that word,training, that should make me mad. But it doesn’t.

I think about messaging him, but instead I just read over our previous interactions.

I like to train submissives. Teach them to take everything I can give. Show them their limits.

I put my hand between my legs and start to touch myself. Everything is terrible, honestly. But this fantasy, this fantasy that I will probably never act on, fuels me now. It makes me feel like everything isn’t terrible.

I put my fist in my mouth as I bring myself to the peak with record speed.

God. Just thinking about him, this man that I’ve never seen…

It pushes me right over the edge. But I would be lying if I didn’t say that I was imagining those cool blue eyes looking at me as I shudder out my orgasm.

I grit my teeth and throw my arm over my face. As long as I don’t think about that tomorrow when I have to face him, I’ll be fine.

Lucky, I’m practiced at that. Lucky that when I’m actually around him, the hatred usually takes over.

But for tonight, I’m just going to let myself relax into my sexual satisfaction.

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