Page 83 of Love at First Ink

Alice’s worry washed away, easing the fine lines that started forming on her forehead. “Oh, thank goodness. You had me worried. We could have rescheduled.”

Marisol didn’t like missing sessions with Alice. Her therapist always grounded her and made her feel secure in her decisions. And she needed that now. She had spent the last few weeks calling vendors, finalizing plans, and setting up for tomorrow. It was all becoming very real now. To say she was freaking out would be an understatement. If she hadn’t booked this session, she’d be in full freakout mode.

“I really needed to talk to you. A lot has happened over the last few weeks, and I don’t think I’ve taken it all in,” Marisol admitted, biting her lip.

Alice had been on vacation these last few weeks, so she hadn’t been able to speak with her therapist about everything. She remembered a year ago when she couldn’t even admit to having anxiety about something in her life and repressed the feelings. Alice had worked on pulling those thoughts out of Marisol and getting her to verbalize them. Words had power, according to Alice.

“Then let’s talk. Besides this fundraiser you are putting on, what else is going on in your life?” Alice had a way of sounding genuinely interested, even though Marisol paid her to care. She had an inkling, though, that even if Alice wasn’t paid, she’d still care. That was just the type of person her therapist was.

So, Marisol purged. Purged all the events that had taken place since they last spoke. She told Alice about her father’s party for his new brick and mortar store. About the fight that ensued between her, her mother, and Archie, andhow Cisco stood up to her and paid the price. About him being arrested and how small she felt at that moment.

Reliving one of the hardest moments of her life left her feeling both raw and strangely lighter. She only shed a few tears—it wasn’t therapy without crying to your therapist, after all.

Alice didn’t stop her once while she spoke. The woman simply nodded and took everything in. By the time she was done, Alice smiled at her like a mother would when proud of their child for accomplishing a hard task.

“I wish we were in my office so I could hold your hand while I said this,” Alice started, causing Marisol to tense, anxiously waiting for her next words. Alice moved closer to the camera again. It was as if she was staring directly at her and not at a screen. “Marisol, I’m proud of you and the work you have done and will continue to do to better yourself.”

And just like that, the tears ran down freely. She felt like the last of her walls she erected around herself finally came crashing down. The final link to her mother crumbled, truly breaking the last chain tethering Marisol down. It felt…scary. Scary but also wonderful.

“The only thing I’m still waiting on is Archie’s signature on our divorce papers. Then all ties to the person I was will be completely severed. It was supposed to be two weeks ago, but my father has his lawyer working on it now,” Marisol said, wiping her tears away.

“Let’s not discredit the old Marisol,” Alice added. Marisol opened her mouth to object, but before she could, Alice continued, “That Marisol did everything she could to survive. She may not have always made the best decisions, but she made sure she survived in a space she didn’t want to be in. That same woman also loved herself enough to seek out help, and I think that takes more strength than people give credit for.”

“I…” She was speechless. No one had ever talked so kindly about the woman she had been. To be fair, there wasn’t much to talk about. She wasn’t kind. She lashed out at those around her—mostly her sister—because she was so unhappy with herself and her relationship with her mother.

But how desperately had she wanted someone—anyone—to be proud of her? Just to say it once and actually mean it. Hearing Alice say she was proud of the person she used to be healed something inside her she didn’t know needed healing.

No words were adequate to convey all she was feeling, but she settled on, “Thank you. For everything you have always done for me.”

Alice just smiled. “I just listen. You’ve done all the work.”

Alice definitely wasn’t giving herself enough credit, but she knew her therapist wouldn’t hear it, so she didn’t press the matter. She could be thankful for her and acknowledge Alice’s big impact on her life privately.

“This fundraiser of yours, it’s tomorrow?” Alice asked, surprising Marisol.

“Oh, yes. Just making some final decisions on layout and logistics,” Marisol said. When she left, Cisco was helping out an employee her father sent to man his booth tomorrow. Antonio was also helping since he left his shift early, but his helping included drooling over Cisco. Not that Marisol could blame him.

“Have you invited your parents?” Alice asked gently.

It was an innocent enough question, but one that held a lot of weight. Once, she would have done anything to include her mother and try to impress her, but now that stress was no longer on her shoulders.

“I invited my father and my sister with instructions to make my mom stay away,” she said. It wouldn’t be hard for herfather to leave her mother. She wasn’t a pet person, so coming to a fundraiser at a shelter—even one in the parking lot—would not be something her mother would be interested in. That, and Marisol was not ready for her mother to be in her life or any events that were important to her. She hadn’t seen her since the party and had no intentions of meeting up with her to smooth things over. Maybe one day that would change, but it wasn’t going to be anytime soon. Maybe not ever.

“I’m glad you included those you want to celebrate your success with. What time is it at again?” Alice asked curiously.

“It runs from ten a.m. to three p.m. Though the ending is more flexible depending on crowd size,” she said.

“Well, if it’s not strange for you, I would like to stop by,” Alice said, shocking Marisol.

“You do? We would love to have you.”

“I’ve been thinking about adopting a dog. I finally got my husband to agree to it. I want to take him before he changes his mind,” she said with a laugh.

“Of course, then you should definitely come by. There’ll be tons of pets to look at,” Marisol said, happy to have Alice check out something she put together. Perhaps she just wanted to show off something she was proud of.

Glancing at the time, Marisol knew they reached the end of their session. She felt lighter than she had earlier and felt her head was clearer than it had been in weeks. She could finally hear herself think.

“Then maybe I will run into you tomorrow. But if I don’t, I hope you have all the success for this event.” A timer on Alice’s end went off, and she quickly silenced the alarm. “That’s our time. Will I see you in my office next week or do you prefer another online session?”

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