Page 67 of Coast

“Because if you slow down too long, all that old shit you’re running away from catches up to you?”

“You’re not supposed to be the head-shrinker here,” I told him.

“Just an observation. From a kindred spirit, you could say.” He paused, watching his brother grab a girl and throw her over his shoulder as he made his way to the pool steps. “Shouldered it all so he didn’t have to.”

“I get that,” I admitted. “More than you can know.” And that was as close to telling anyone about my past as I’d ever gotten.

“You avoiding her because you don’t want anything serious? Or because you’re worried that you might?”

“Who the fuck knows?” I asked. “Eddie here?” I’d worked up an appetite.

“Been cooking nonstop. Says he feels guilty that he missed a few days.”

“Gonna go stuff my face,” I said, excusing myself into the clubhouse before anyone else noticed that I was still off.

“Coast, my man,” Eddie greeted me, standing there in his apron that had little handprints from all of the club kids all over it—an uncle’s day present from the club wives—as he chopped some green onions. “Hungry?”

Not at all.

“Starving,” I said, grabbing a plate and piling on.

Hell, maybe if I shoved enough food in, it might fill that hole I felt like was growing right below my ribcage.

“How was lil’ mama?” he asked, adding the onions to the sheet pan of salmon and veggies. “Yeah, it wasn’t some big secret that’s where you went,” he said when I looked at him. “Still sorry I couldn’t make her soup. That was a killer flu.”

“She wouldn’t have been in any shape to enjoy it anyway.”

“Why you back so soon?” Eddie asked, lowering the tray into the oven.

“Just am.”

“You know, man, there’s mysterious and then there’semotionally redacted. Guess which one you are.”

“The mystery is part of the charm,” I said, but my words were flatter than usual.

“The mystery was all anyone knew, so they had to be charmed by it. Now, you seem to have layers, man. Can’t blame people for wanting to peel.”

“Nope. No layers here. Pure surface-level personality.”

“I might have believed that a few weeks back,” Eddie said. “But when’s the last time you joined in at a party? And I don’t mean planting your ass on a chaise and pretending to beparticipating? When’s the last time you had a woman in your room?”

“To be fair, I have been known to hook up in places other than my room.”

“Don’t remind me,” Eddie said, shaking his head. “My girl Rosalie is still scarred.”

“Weird you named your car, man.”

“Weirder that you banged a woman on the hood.”

“Hey, Huck made me wash it. And detail it for good measure.”

“Know what I think?”

“Pretty sure you’re gonna tell me whether I wanna hear it or not.”

“I think the partying, the drinking, the girls, it’s all to keep you distracted. So you don’t have to work through whatever shit is in your past. And I think lil’ mama is making it harder for you not to confront all that shit.”

“I’m out of Zoe’s life now,” I told him. “So, it’s back to partying and pussy.”

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