Page 8 of Coast

I wasn’t sure if Lainey was simply an easy baby. Or if she was easy because our lifestyle demanded it. She was in and out of her carrier and stroller all day long. And sometimes part of the night. She rarely fussed about it unless she was due for a bottle or a diaper change.

All I knew was I was thankful that she was a good sleeper and happy baby because it made making a living possible and as low in stress as it could be.

I peeked down the second-floor breezeway, hoping not to see anyone hanging about. It wasn’t late and the area was relatively well-lit, but I was acutely aware of how easily I could be grabbed and pulled into a room, never to be seen or heard from again.

All I saw was the stained cement under my feet and the chipped green paint on the railing overlooking the pool, which was so full of chemicals that the smell kind of permeated into my motel room.

Lights from TVs flickered behind the blinds as I passed, and I caught snippets of conversations—a couple having a whispered argument, a mom reminding her child that it was past bedtime, someone speaking Mandarin on what had to be a phone call, since there were no other voices responding.

I hadn’t realized how thin the walls were. I really need to be careful that Lainey didn’t get herself into a full-on wail if it could be helped.

“Ugh, this is going to get old fast,” I grumbled, gripping the car seat in one hand while holding onto the railing with the other as I made my way down the steep steps to the courtyard.

The last motel had been a one level and I’d been creeped out by how many people passed by our door each night. So when I came across the listing for the second-floor room, I’d been excited. Not, clearly, thinking the steps through well enough.

“Your mommy is going to have killer legs and one very large bicep,” I told my sleeping baby, huffing a bit, as I made it around the building to the parking lot to click her into the base in the backseat of my secondhand bright blue sedan.

For just a second, my mind flashed back to less than a year ago, bleeping the locks on a brand-new luxury SUV, not a care in the world except whether the coffee place was going to get my way-too-expensive iced latte right that day or not.

That was a different woman.

A silly, superficial girl, really.

And another life.

One with an elegant façade and good lighting, hiding the nothingness beneath. It certainly appeared perfect. If you didn’t look too closely. It had been built to impress, not to withstand.

And, damn, did life have a storm brewing for me.

“Enough of that,” I grumbled as I turned over the car, reaching to turn on the air. It was sticky out, and if there was one thing that made my little girl unhappy, it was being hot.

It was like she belonged in New England, where I’d grown up. While I had never been able to get warm enough living there.

“We’re just going to grab one last order, then go home to sleep,” I told Lainey. Sure, she was asleep, but I was taking the advice from the videos I’d watched about talking to your baby being linked to their development very seriously. And, you know, I had no one else to talk to.

It seemed like just any other job.

A trip to the upscale restaurant that made me feel grungy in my ill-fitting shorts and tee and with my unwashed hair.

Luckily, in this day and age of convenience delivery, the restaurant seemed immune to my appearance. Though the baby carrier did get a sideways glance.

It was a short drive toward the location. I’d never been to the area before. It was an industrial area with an apartment building toward the end. But for some reason, there was no parking anywhere near the building.

“Looks like we’re hoofing it,” I told Lainey as I quickly took her out of the pumpkin seat and slipped her into the carrier against my chest.

I ignored the churning feeling in my stomach at walking down a dark road at night and power-walked to the apartment building before the food could be considered late.

It all went to plan.

Food at door.

Snapped picture.

Job completed.

A sense of relief at knowing there would be more money coming our way.

I was just pressing the side of my face to the top of my sleeping baby’s head as I passed a small lot between buildings.

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