Page 101 of Suits and Spark Plugs

“You’re welcome here anytime.” He ruined the effect by yawning widely and covering it with a hand.

I deflated a little, wanting so badly to talk to him, but equally wanting to let him have his rest. I rocked from one foot to another as I tried to decide what to do. “I feel silly now, but I wanted to chat with you. It’s nothing big. I can wait until tomorrow.”

I took a step back, intending to leave, but he cut me off and wrapped his hands lightly around the tops of my arms. “Nice try. I know you better than that. You’ve got something on your mind. Come sit down and tell me what it is.”

“It really can wait, Connor. You need your rest.” Only, I didn’t want to wait. I wanted to share everything with him so much that my chest felt tight.

“Nah,” he replied with a light nudge toward his porch. “I’ll rest another time. Besides, the night is perfect for sitting outside.”

I took his hand and walked to the swing, where I sat down on one side and tucked myself back into a corner so that I could face him where he was sitting on the other end. Connor pulled my feet onto his lap and pushed the swing into a rocking motion, gazing toward the yard. It felt like we’d done this a thousand times, as though we’d always been meant to swing together on this porch with peace surrounding us. For the first time in forever, I felt like I’d stepped into my real life. This was real. Connor was real.

I spent a few seconds simply taking him in. I felt humbled and extremely lucky that he’d seen something in me worth waiting on. Emotion, sudden and hot, rose in my throat when he gazed back at me. I could feel that heat rise to my face, and I tried to take a few breaths to ward off the sudden moisture in my eyes. I loved him.

Connor, of course, saw it and his eyes grew worried. “What’s wrong?”

I licked my lips and cleared my throat. Where to start? I supposed that the beginning was good, so I said, “My mom asked me today what my future plans are.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah. I told her that they’re pretty much the same they’ve always been. To be financially independent and secure in a good career.”

Connor nodded, but I could feel the way the swing stuttered for a moment before resuming its steady motion. “You’ve told me that a few times too.”

I chuckled. “Yeah, I think I’ve told it to anyone who I’ve talked to at all in this past year.”

He attempted a grin, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “It’s a good goal.”

“It is. I think it’s really smart for people to take as much control of their destiny as they can, you know?” He nodded. “I guess what I’m saying is, that, um, nothing has really changed in that respect. I still want a degree and all that.”

“Sure.”

“So, then my mom asked if my future plans include you.”

At this the swing stopped and he sat up straight in his corner. “Oh?”

“Yeah. I was kind of surprised she’d ask. It’s only been a few weeks, right?” He nodded slowly and clasped his hands in front of him. “What can you really know in a month?” I shook my head and then realized I was making him think I didn’t obsess over him constantly. I was botching this badly. “I’m making a mess of this.”

“No, I think I understand what you’re saying,” he said in a soft voice.

I sighed loudly. “Thank goodness.” I pulled a face. “It’s kind of strange to already be thinking about our future together when everything is still so new.”

“Yeah.”

“For a long time all I’ve thought about is getting out of Oak Hills and making something of my life, and then my mom asked me about my future, and it was like all these thoughts just came crashing down on me. It took me all night at the diner to process everything. But I think I figured it out, and that’s why I had to talk to you tonight.”

His eyes had dropped to his lap while I’d been talking, hiding his expression from me as his shoulders tensed. “So being independent and getting away from Oak Hills are what you need to be happy,” he stated.

My eyes scrunched up. “Well, not exactly...”

“Oh, right, and money,” he interrupted. “A lot of money, and being secure and in charge of your own destiny.”

I shook my head, my expression falling further. “No. That’s not what I’m trying to say.”

He finally looked up, and the way his eyes shot at me caused my heart to skip a beat. I pulled my feet off his lap and let them fall to the porch while I sat up.

His voice was cool when he said, “Sorry. You just want to have enough money that you’ll never be stuck depending on anyone. That’s what you’ve been saying ever since you finally started talking to me. Money, security, and running from this junk pile of a town.” He stood suddenly, making the swing bump hard enough to almost topple me. My eyes darted up to follow his movement.

I stood too, my mouth opening and closing while I shook my head. “No, Connor, no. You’re misunderstanding me. Please let me finish.” I’d always been bad with expressing myself, and now my mind was frozen with worry.

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