Page 50 of Suits and Spark Plugs

He made soothing noises and snuggled me in closer. “I know how you value your independence, but if you can be open to it, I can make things easier. I’d be happy to pay for whatever you still owe Connor. Not a loan, a gift.”

I started shaking my head before he was done speaking. “I don’t want that between us.”

“You’ve put it between us by making it into a point of argument. Just give in and it’ll disappear,” he coaxed. “I’d really love to seriously discuss our future. I think the first thing should be for you to start looking for work here. The opportunities are endless.”

“Don’t you think that we’re moving a little too fast?”

He shook his head. “Not at all. I know what I like and I go after it. I like you.”

“But that’s a lot of pressure on our relationship. If I move here, you become my entire support network.”

“For a time, but I’d introduce you around. With your fun personality you’d make new friends in a heartbeat.”

I truly, truly doubted that. I made friends slowly and kept my circle small. “It’s not just friends. It’s housing and a job. How do I still pay for school? There’s so much to consider.”

Blaine turned to me and took my face in his hands. “Babe, you’ve got to breathe.” He chuckled, but something about it struck me as the same way he’d said I was darling that night at the theater. I felt silly, naive, and inexperienced. He pressed a kiss to my lips before continuing. “All those things can be discussed. I have a lot of contacts here. It wouldn’t be hard to get you situated.”

“Situated?” My stomach clenched.

“Yes. A new apartment, new job, new car, new friends. It can all be done with very little effort.” He pulled me close and planted yet another soft kiss on my lips. Another kiss I didn’t return. “I’ve been saying it for weeks: Let me take care of you.”

In my mind’s eye I pictured an apartment just like his somewhere in the city. In the parking garage was a new sedan with a bow on it. Down the street was an empty cubicle with a name plate just waiting to be filled in. New friends were waiting in the apartment, ready for a welcome home surprise party. All Blaine needed was the girl to fit into the puzzle.

But I wasn’t that girl. I couldn’t live that life. My life was in a beat up house with worn out furniture where my sister flitted in and out, and my mom moped, and the dishes would never get done unless I did them. My car was a broken-down pile of rust, and my job was carrying trays of greasy food to the locals. When I did get my new life, I wanted it to be one I built myself, not one that I was plugged in to.

I pulled away and looked out to the city lights as his arm came around me again.

“Just look at that view,” he said, oblivious to the struggle inside of me. “I’ve been wanting to share it with you for a while.”

“You can see the entire valley,” I agreed in a voice that only wobbled slightly.

“I can tell that you’re still not sure. Will you think about it?” He squeezed my shoulders and I nodded. Words were impossible just then. “Great. I do love you, babe. We can build a great life together.”

I swallowed and nodded like a robot.

“I have pie for dessert. Your favorite is cherry, right?”

It wasn’t. My favorite pie was banana cream pie on account of the fact that my Dad had always taken me for a slice on my birthday. But he’d have no way of knowing that. So, I nodded yet again, and smiled and he served me cherry pie in his immaculate apartment while we watched the stars.

* * * * *

Like a chicken, I avoided Blaine and the discussion I knew we needed to have for an entire week. I felt a breakup was in my future and I wasn’t excited. There had, after all, been an awful lot of songs written on the topic, and it sounded messy and emotional—two things I was doing my best to avoid.

He called and texted during the week. I answered and responded, but I was always too busy to chat for long and couldn’t commit to a date night.

I’d admitted to Kelly what had happened, and she’d flatly told me I’d never really loved him, I’d be just fine, and that I needed to make the break in person. I’d appreciated the truth as only a best friend could deliver it, but I wasn’t excited about anything she’d said.

I painted, studied, and generally threw myself into my life as a way to work through my emotions. The more I worked and thought, the more I realized that Kelly had been right. I wasn’t in love with Blaine. I was sort of in love with the idea of Blaine and what he represented, but not the man himself. I liked him. Heck, I’d moved past like and had felt genuine affection for him. Yet true love, well, that was still banked in my heart waiting for the right person.

Finally I texted him and asked if he could drive up on a Saturday after my breakfast shift. He readily agreed, and the date was set. I felt a little sorry that Blaine didn’t understand this was our official breakup meeting, but there was nothing I was willing to do to change that.

Friday night I snuck into the dark Mainstreet Mechanic shop to clean and then study for a bit. Having learned my lesson after accidentally falling asleep the first time, I always did my cleaning first. I took comfort in the routine of dusting and vacuuming. Even toilet scrubbing was welcome, as it allowed my mind to wander.

I planned out what I would say to Blaine the next day. I’d be sure to compliment him on what a stellar guy he was, thank him for all the good times we shared, and let him down gently. Maybe before I studied I’d even look online for dialogues to use when breaking up with a significant other. It seemed like the type of thing that would be posted somewhere.

I screamed when I turned away from changing the toilet paper roll to find Connor standing in the bathroom doorway. “You keep warning me to be careful when I’m alone here at night, and then you sneak in like that. Holy pretzels, Connor. Make some noise next time.”

“Pretzels?” I simply nodded at him. “That’s a first. I was surprised to see your car here.”

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