Page 82 of Suits and Spark Plugs

His candidness surprised me. I wanted to take the hand he was resting casually on his leg and offer him some sort of camaraderie. But I didn’t.

“Why do you think she was so unhappy?” I asked.

“I wasn’t old enough to understand then, but over the years Dad has said a few things and I’ve seen a little more of life. I think she wanted more and it never panned out.”

“More what?”

“More of life, I guess. I think she had dreams, and being a small town wife wasn’t how she’d pictured it going. She’d settled for less than she wanted.”

Understanding blossomed in my mind as I remembered him so intensely telling me that I should go for my dreams and not settle for nursing school simply because it would offer security and stability. He’d seen the opposite side of that coin.

Without consciously thinking about it, my leg pressed against his. “How funny that we come at things from such different angles. I want to do nursing school because I’ve seen the way my dad’s whims affected the stability of our family. I don’t want to depend on, or need someone else, to provide for me. The idea of taking a risk, taking the fun path, leaves me feeling helpless. Nursing school makes me feel safe. In the same scenario you see the chance for regret in my future if I set aside a talent I have in order to do the ‘smart thing.’”

“You have so much life inside of you, and your art speaks to it. It would be a shame to let fear put a lid on that.”

I shifted, still looking forward and away from him. “Maybe.”

“At the risk of this sounding wrong, there are men who believe there’s room for a little dream chasing, and as your partner would be happy to help you.”

I dared a glance at him and was surprised to find he’d turned toward me as well. His face was closer than I’d realized, his eyes intent, expressing that he truly believed what he’d said. I had never meant for this conversation to get so personal. I straightened my shoulders and did my best to put the casual friend façade back in place as I looked back out across the park, but it was so hard. He was here, he was warm against my side, and he was completely earnest in what he was saying. It was painful.

“Just like there are women out there who understand that family can also be an adventure, not just something you’re saddled with.” I shrugged. “Too bad neither of us can count on finding those people as a future plan. Possibly a hope, but not a plan.” I stood abruptly, needing to move, to break this spell. “You up for a walk around the path?”

He stood too, but instead of starting to walk he put a hand on my shoulder and turned me so that we were facing each other. “I know where I went wrong.”

I scrunched up my face. “What do you mean?”

“The other day, at your house. I figured it out.” His hand ran from my shoulder, down my arm, and wrapped my cold fingers in his warm grip. “I said we should be friends again.”

“Uh huh. So here we are, doing that.”

“The problem is, I don’t want to just be your friend.” I started to shake my head, but he stopped me with a callused palm on my cheek. “I’m serious. I want there to be more than that between us.”

My heart pounded. “I don’t want to be on the list of girls you keep on a string.”

Instead of being offended, his lips curved and his eyes crinkled. “I know you think I’m the local Casanova.”

“I spent a lot of years watching you in action,” I mumbled.

“That’s been behind me for a long time. I know you aren’t the type of woman that a man toys around with.”

My toes curled inside my shoes. “I think friends would probably be the safest bet for us.”

“I hate being your friend. You’re the worst friend I’ve ever had. Friendship with you is like rubbing your face on a glacier and trying to tell yourself you had a good time.” He raised the hand he was holding and kissed my fingers where they were joined with his. I felt a bubble of humor at the comparison to a glacier. He wasn’t wrong. I’d practically killed us both with kindness. “I think it would be good to stop playing it safe, don’t you?”

My bones felt melty at the look in his eyes. “How unsafe are we talking here?”

“Like, I hope you packed a parachute.”

I wasn’t surprised when he closed the space between us and pressed his mouth to mine. I’d felt the air around us vibrating, I knew it was coming, and I wanted it equally as much as it petrified me. I kissed him back, light and slow, but pulled away before it could go any further, just as the colors had started to swirl.

“Connor.” I pressed a hand to his chest. “I’m not going to be okay if you...”

“I’m not. You have nothing to be afraid of.”

“Nothing to fear but fear itself?” I cracked, the nerves making my head fuzzy.

“Something like that.” He stole another quick kiss, a peck really, that made my toes tingle. “You took a risk on Blaine and told me that all he’d had to do was ask. So, this time I’m going to ask the right question and hope you can forget the wrong question I asked you a couple of days ago.”

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