Page 42 of The Risks of Reuniting

I hold my ground. "You said a few things the other day that suggest that."

His face softens. "I'm really sorry for how it came out. My long game plan was much smoother than that."

"You had a long game plan?"

"Yeah. Something about luring you back to my side through feats of strength and the ability to speak Spanish fluently."

My lips twitch. "So far the feats of strength thing isn't really going well."

"But the Spanish, is it working?"

I smile. "Maybe."

He pumps a fist in the air and it makes me laugh. He's always made me laugh, and I needed it.

"So, we're good?"

Now it's my turn to sigh. "I don't know if we're up or down or what we are. This has been so confusing."

He reaches out to take my hand and I let him. "For me too." His fingers hold mine and he caresses the back of my hand with his thumb. "But I love that you're here, and I don't want to miss an opportunity when the universe was so kind to provide it."

He lifts my hand to his lips and presses a soft kiss to my palm, and I don't pull away. "Holt, why aren't you mad at me?" I whisper.

He keeps my hand in his as he drops it away from his mouth. "Why would I be mad?"

"Because I wouldn't consider North Carolina."

Understanding lights his dark eyes and he sucks in his lips in thought. He recognizes this as a pivotal moment, and I'm glad he's thinking through his answer instead of popping off with something playful.

"Iwasmad," he replies. "For a long time."

I'm so glad to hear it that I can actually feel a shift in my body, a tension release. I felt guilty for being mad when he wasn't.

"Thank goodness," I say.

He grins. "A couple of months ago I realized that being angry wasn't helping anything. It didn't fix it. When I stopped being mad, I started feeling sad. We were so great together, you know?" I nod, biting at my own lip. "Pretty soon that's what I thought about. All the good times. So, I guess I'm not mad because I'm grateful." He squeezes my hand. "But I'm still really sad, Chlo. Losing you was a hit I'm still feeling."

"Me too," I admit.

He seems to wait for me to say more, but that's all I have to give right now. Acknowledging those emotions was a big enough step.

He squeezes my hand once more, and we say goodnight as I enter my room, feeling a little bit better than I did before.

Wed, May 21

Allie Pallie,

My dad is a huge blabbermouth. He gossips more than all my cousins combined. Yes, I was cut with a knife during a mugging. Only because I jumped in to keep a friend from getting cut. You know who else jumped in? Holt. He was so angry, he just got in there like a tornado, attacking anything that got in his way, and then he told me he still loves me. So, yeah, things have been interesting and we have SO MUCH to talk about when I get home. He kissed my hand the other night. Not in a weird way, but in a sweet way that I did not hate.

I'm not sure how I feel and I wish you were here, but also you'd probably find a tree branch and attempt to bust his knee caps, so I'm sort of glad you're hearing all of this with a little distance.

Can you make me brownies when I come home?

I told my dad to stop trying to come over and take care of the house. He doesn't do it when I'm there, so I'm not sure what has gotten into him. I'm humiliated that he mowed our lawn. What, did it take him three passes with his lawnmower? Our square of grass is so small he could have trimmed it withscissors. This is why we have an HOA payment. I hope you didn't mention that though – he's so anti-HOA.

We need to sign up to do a humanitarian trip together next year. It's been so satisfying to come and help these people, and use my skills for something really helpful. You'd love it so much. You'd probably cry a lot. It's heart wrenching sometimes. Start investing in tissues.

And, because I know you're still mad about me for not telling you about the mugging, I reiterate that I am fine. Consider me appropriately repentant and humbly begging you for mercy. I bow to your awesomeness and do not deserve you in my life.

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