Fuckitall: for all those times you have no fucks left to give.
Fuckitall: for when you want to throw everything away and start over fresh.
Fuckitall.
“So you’ve seen him?” I asked.
Higgins expression immediately turned grim and he gave me a tight nod. “This is my past, too. I want to see it cleaned up just as much as Theo does.”
Somehow I doubted Theo was giving up much control to anyone. “What have you been doing?”
“Tying up loose ends.” He went back to studying his beer label.
“Everyone keeps saying that. What does it mean?”
Silence hung between us as more laughter floated in from the next room. Apparently Adam did a very funny impression of Elizabeth on a bad day.
“It means,” he finally said, “that old contacts are being paid to forget they ever knew Dan Christie. Bank accounts are being closed. Vendettas are being avenged. When everything comes together there will be very little evidence that Dan Christie ever existed.”
“You’re erasing him?”
Higgins gave a half-shrug. “The less we leave behind the faster this will end. None of us want a loose end coming back ten years down the road to ruin our lives all over again.”
The pain in his voice…that was hard to hear. It sounded a lot like Theo’s, but different. “You’re tired.”
“I am. I’ll sleep later.”
Nicki poked her head around the corner. “You two okay in here?”
Higgins held out his arm and she immediately walked over and buried herself in his chest. “We’re just fine. I was explaining how your big brother wanted me to make sure the women he loved were taken care of.”
She reached up and planted a kiss on his lips. “He should have come.”
He’d sent Higgins to check on us? My heart beat a little faster. I was going to latch on to every sweet little moment and gesture I could. It was all I had.
“I shouldn’t even be here, love.”
She frowned and held him a little closer. They were really, really adorable together.
“You two look like you’re happy.”
I got two ridiculous grins pointed at me. “We’re trying to let the past go,” Nicki said. “It’s amazing what time and a lot of therapy can do. It’s different this time.”
Higgins grunted. “It’s differentandI’m not taking no for an answer this time.”
“No to what?” she laughed.
“To you marrying me, of course.” He nodded as if he’d just said the most normal thing in the world.
But Nicki looked about as stunned as I felt. The blood drained out of her face as she stared open mouthed up at Higgins. “Wh-what?”
“You’re marrying me. As soon as possible. We’re going to be ridiculously happy and spend the rest of our lives together. I refuse to spend any more of my life without you.”
I didn’t think it was possible, but Nicki’s jaw dropped even lower. “Is that a proposal?”
And then Higgins was on his knee with a ring in his hand. “I love you, Nicki. We’ve been stupid and horrible for too long. Life is short. Take a chance on me and let me make you happy. Please marry me.”
I’d never witnessed a proposal before, but I was absolutely positive this was the oddest and sweetest one I’d ever see.