Page 108 of Disharmony

“I want you to have a solo.” At the sight of my total shock, she adds hastily, “Of course, you won’t be taking Tiffany’s place. But I want to give you an opportunity to showcase the progress you’ve made during your time here. The public will be able to see your evolution as an artist.”

“I…” I can’t find the right words. “I don’t know what to say…”

Tiffany will lose her shit when she finds out.

“You don’t have to say anything,” Jacqueline says. “All you need to do is what you did tonight again. You won’t disappoint me, will you?”

I meet her gaze. “No.”

“Good!” She claps her hands together, then dusts them off. “Enjoy your evening. You have a lot of practicing to do.”

She struts away, and a cold gust of air blows in, making me question whether she was really here in the first place.

Cookie pokes her head around the door. “What did she want?”

“She…” I sink into a chair in stunned silence. “She wants to give me a solo.”

“That’s a good thing, right?” Cookie tilts her head to the side and frowns, studying my less than enthusiastic reaction.

“Maybe,” I sigh. “I mean, I think so…”

“People come to Camp Harmony to get on the stage, Ash.” Cookie steps inside and crosses her arms. “What’s really going on with you? No bullshit.”

Cookie’s right. This is the opportunity of a lifetime. Why am I not more excited?

I bury my head in my hands. After my night with the Basilisks, worrying about Dad, the weirdness with Brick, internet fame, and Jacqueline’s threats… it’s too much. My mind and thoughts are building up like a pressure cooker close to exploding. It’s been months since… the incident… but those emotions are returning. I haven’t cut in months, but now I’m craving the release that a blade can give.

“Cookie—”

“No, Ash.” She holds up her hand to interrupt me before I can make a lame excuse. “I’ve not pushed you before because I know you’ve been through a lot with your mom, but you can’t hold everything in all the time. You need to talk to someone.”

I exhale deeply. “What if I don’t live up to Jacqueline’s expectations?”

“You were amazing on stage, Ash,” Cookie says gently. “All the crew said so.”

“But it isn’t me, Cookie,” I burst out. “None of this is. That night with the Basilisks was the best of my life. I got to experience real freedom but now, I have to play along with whatever Jacqueline wants or she’ll destroy my fucking career—probably my life too. She wants me to be her show pony, just like the fucking Lionhearts. I thought this is what I wanted…” Tears forming make my eyes prickle. “But I didn’t expect to have to pretend to be someone else.”

“You don’t have to do the solo,” Cookie says gently, putting her arm around my shoulder. “She can’t force you to do it.”

“Maybe not,” I murmur, “but she will make sure I never work in music again. And if I do sing it, Tiffany and McCallister will make my life miserable anyway. Whatever I do, I can’t win.”

“What would your mom say to you right now if she were here?”

Her question floors me. Mom was always positive and looked for the best in every situation, or she did… until she didn’t and decided to slit her wrists. When she gave up on herself, a part of me gave up on me too.

“I don’t know what she’d say…” I answer, blinking tears away. Mom always dreamed of leaving Meadow Springs to become a country singer. She supported me applying for Camp Harmony. Am I letting her down? “All of this is a lot of pressure, and it doesn’t help that Jacqueline’s taken away my phone either. It feels like I’m in jail.”

“This camp is made to break people. It’s no ordinary summer camp,” Cookie says. “Those who come out of it will succeed. You’ve gone through worse and came out of it. I know you can do it, and you don’t need the Basilisks to remind you of that. When that video of you performing with them released, no one was looking at them. Everyone was looking at you. You’re enough on your own, Ash.”

“Not enough for Jacqueline or McCallister,” I grumble.

“Fuck them!” Cookie rarely swears, and my eyes widen. “You’re going places, Ash. You don’t need Jacqueline Tate or Camp Harmony, but you can use it to your advantage. You’re trapped because of their rules, but find a way to work it to your advantage. Sing that solo and show the world how fantastic you are.”

“Has anyone told you that you should be a motivational speaker?” I joke.

“What can I say?” She flips a dread over her shoulder and winks. “I’ve seen some really good therapists.”

“Thanks,” I mumble. “For everything… not just this… but…”

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