Page 80 of Disharmony

Bones that’ll turn to dust.

When they’re gone, the only place you’ll be alive is in my mind.

And when I’m gone, what’ll be left?”

When she first got diagnosed, we all knew her death was inevitable. It’s terminal. Terminal. One word that changed our lives and tore them apart. She was going downhill fast. She had good and bad days, but we knew the disease was taking its hold. Her death is something we were preparing for. A horrible illness had taken my mom, and she was fighting a battle she’d never win, no matter how strong her spirit. What I didn’t expect was her taking matters into her own hands.

I found her that day. Wrists slit. Blood soaking the sheets. Ghostly white skin. Her soft skin that once wrapped around me. Hands that used to hold mine. Fingers that used to close around my palms to help me cross the street… covered in blood. Dead. Gone.

That day passed in a blur. When we got home from the hospital, it was the only time I’ve ever seen Dad cry. Big sobs that made his shoulders shake because of the unfairness of this fucking world and disease. Her death changed us.

“My bones may be gone,

But as long as my name is a ghost on your lips,

My spirit will haunt your heart,

And I’ll never be gone.”

This song reminds me of her. It reminds me of the strength she had. It took a long time for me to accept why she did it. We loved her, and she chose to leave us early. She couldn’t handle the pain. She didn’t want to lose herself or watch as we suffered through her illness. For a while, I carried around anger over how she gave up the little time she had left, but this song helped me realize she’ll never be gone. She made a choice because she wanted to leave us with the good memories.

When she was younger, Mom dreamt of being a musician too. She taught me to follow my passion, and them playing this song confirms I’ve made the right decision to come tonight.

“Are you okay?” Ted asks.

“Uh-huh,” I reply, wiping my eyes and trying to pull myself together as they move onto the next song.

I’m swept away by their set. Every song is amazing—even better than the last time I saw them in Wilderton. Knowing Ripper invited me makes it even more special and, after our session in the studio, it feels like we share some kind of bond.

“Ash…” My name being called from the stage almost makes me fall off my stool. Am I imagining it? “Ash Cooper.”

Nope, definitely not imagining it.

“We’re going to be joined by our friend, Ash, for this final song,” Ripper says from the stage. I can’t see Zed or Venom’s faces properly, but from the way Venom’s fingers clench around the neck of his guitar, this isn’t something they discussed beforehand. “Come up here, Ash! Let’s give her a motherfucking roar!”

“Go on then,” Ted springs into action and thrusts a microphone into my hands. “What’re you waiting for?”

I look at him blankly, swaying on my feet. “Are you sure this is a good idea?”

“No, but it’s a private party,” he says, giving me a small push. “So there’s no harm in it.”

The crowd roars and stamps their feet as I join the Basilisks on stage. An overhead spotlight shines down on my head, almost blinding me. The warehouse is bigger than I thought. There are at least three hundred people crammed in, and they’re all staring at me.

Fuck, I’m actually doing this.

I glide past Ripper. He catches my eye and winks.

“What the hell is happening?” I mutter as I stand next to Zed.

“It looks like you’re joining us,” he says under his breath, then turns to the audience. “We’re going to be performing a new song for the first time tonight. Are you gonna make some fucking noise?”

They scream and start jumping. From up here, the mass of figures look like a living creature. This is bigger than any audience I’ve ever performed in front of.

Zed looks at me, and there’s a question in his gaze.

Can you do this?

It’s a challenge I’m willing to accept.

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