The credits start to roll, and Eliza begins to stir. Quickly, I rest my head back on the sofa, closing my eyes, relishing the last moments of her warm body pressed against me. Gently, she places her hand on my shoulder and shakes me. “Jason,” she whispers. “Wake up.”
“What?” I groan, blinking my eyes open as if I had really been asleep too. “Did we fall asleep?” I ask.
She smiles up at me, that beautiful grin blinding. “We must have. Damn, I really wanted to see that movie.”
“We’ll have to watch it again sometime.”
A strange expression crosses her face, almost like she doesn’t believe me. “Let’s watch another one. And stay awake this time! I didn’t even eat any popcorn.”
“Okay,” I agree, not quite willing to admit that all I did for the last hour was watch her sleep, that all I did was wish this moment would never end.
It feels easier to keep pretending that this doesn’t mean that much to me. Pretending will make it easier when I have to lose her.
CHAPTER 22
ELIZA
Ising a scale in frustration and throw my pen across the room. Yesterday, I finally laid down a really good bassline and felt like I was making a breakthrough with this new album. Usually, I write lyrics first and then put music to them, but I’ve been so uninspired that I thought I’d give the other way round a go.
And yesterday, it felt great. I was jamming. I was adding some synth tracks in, and everything was finally slotting into place. But today, I picked up a pen and paper to put some funky lyrics to my funky bassline, and I’m getting nowhere with it.
I’m not even getting anything near usable. I’m at aHere’s my dog and he is brown / he will never make me frownkind of stupid level. I’m at aLife sucks and my heart hurtskind of level. Nothing subtle. Nothing clever. Nothing good.
I groan in frustration and flop down on the bed face-first.
Everyone always thinks that musicians write everything from their own personal experience, and in some cases that’s true, but I like writing stories. I like imagining different types of peopleand the ways they would think and feel about things. The ways they would hurt or love or heal. Things that are going to speak differently to everyone.
Writing about exactly how I feel directly from the heart is way too exposing. I don’t want to let strangers into my heart like that.
And it doesn’t help that all the lyrics that want to come out of me at the moment are about Jason in one way or another. That everything in my heart is telling me to confess that I might feel something for him beyond the wonderful friendship we share.
These feelings of platonic affection are transforming in a way I barely want to think about.
I can’t even write a song about him. That’s how screwed I am.
Frustrated, I get up and march out of the door. This is all Jason’s fault, so I’m going to go bother him about it. I’m not going to tell him that’s why I’m bothering him, but he can always do with a distraction, and I want attention.
I wander off to his office and barely bother to knock before entering. He turns to look at me and frowns. “Eliza, what is it? I’m busy.”
“No, you’re not.”
“Yes, I am. I have all this paperwork to do for Bright Green, and they want it ASAP.”
“My new album sucks,” I wail, sinking into a chair. “I’m burnt out. It all sounds like a four-year-old wrote it.”
“I’m sure it doesn’t,” he says, trying to placate me.
“You haven’t even listened to any of my music,” I cry, playing it up for the drama. This way, at least, I’ll get his attention.
“I have,” he says indignantly, folding his arms and spinning fully around in his chair to face me.
“Oh yeah? What was your favorite album?”
“Sunburn,Sunshine,” he says without hesitation. I press my lips together to stop my mouth from falling open in surprise.
That was my second album and not one of my most famous ones. Actually, it was pretty much universally seen by the critics as a total flop. Only people who really like me listen to that one. It’s a whole thing among my fans that getting me to signSunSunmeans you’re a real fan.
Either Jason isn’t lying, or he’s done his research well.