Prologue

Anna

PAST

Derek’s voicecut through the car at a decibel that endangered our eardrums.

“D, noooooo,” I begged.

He only cast his gaze in my direction, belting out lyrics I could barely make out about wanting to know what love was.

I couldn’t help the laughter that escaped. Even on the worst days, the ones where I thought I might drown with the weight balanced on my shoulders, he could always make me laugh.

I reached over and took the hand currently drumming a beat on his thigh. A hand I knew better than any other. Each callus and scar. Every bump and ridge. The familiarity brought a sense of comfort I couldn’t find anywhere else. I linked my fingers with his.

“Love you, D.”

His singing trailed off, and he gripped my hand tighter. “I’d do anything for you, Angel.”

“I know.” That kind of gift for someone like me…it was everything.

Lights flashed behind us, and Derek’s gaze snapped to the rearview mirror.

I swiveled to look. The cop car definitely had us in its sights. I glanced at the odometer. He was only five over the limit. “They probably just want to give you a warning.”

Derek didn’t say a word, and he didn’t pull over.

“Derek?”

“Can’t get pulled over.”

My heart picked up its pace. “Why not?”

He didn’t look away from the road in front of us as he pressed his foot down on the gas pedal. “I’m sorry, Anna.”

Cascading red and blue.I concentrated on the way the colors blended from one into the next. As my vision went unfocused, the two almost melded into purple. I wanted to fall into that new color, hoping it would take me somewhere else. Anywhere but here.

I found myself leaning towards it, but the bite of the handcuffs around my wrists brought me out of the haze. The little bit of numbness that meant blessed relief from the panic fled with it. The thrum of my pulse picked up again.

“Anna,” Derek hissed.

I didn’t turn to look at him. Couldn’t. Not when I watched as three police officers unloaded an array of what I knew had to be drugs from the trunk of his car. A car that had been the scene of so many firsts for me: Date. Kiss. Whispered “I love you.” A car that had been my refuge from a home I would’ve given anything to escape.

How did the same ton of metal I’d once seen as a lifeline now seem like the weight that would drag me under? I swallowed against the burn rising in my throat as one of the cops lifted another bag and pointed at me. It was the rocker Hello Kitty makeup bag I’d left at Derek’s a few months ago. I’d brought over some toiletries to have on hand after he finally got an apartment.

My parents didn’t know that he had his own place now. But they knew almost nothing about me and hated what theycouldsee. Perhaps they had been right to feel that way. Maybe I was reckless. And now, I was going to add moron on top of it. Because inside that makeup bag with the skulls I had thought were so cute were little baggies filled with pills.

“What did you do?” The words ripped out of me without my permission.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered. “I needed money to get the apartment. We needed it, Angel.”

“Quiet,” one of the cops barked, moving closer to cut off any conversation.

That was for the best. Because no excuse I heard from the boy I loved would cut it. The boy who had always been my safe place. Who now was anything but.

“Get them loaded up. Separate cars. I don’t want them talking,” an older cop told the one standing between us.

The younger one bent, grabbed hold of my arm, and tugged me to my feet. “Come on.”