Page 38 of The Sinners Touch

She heard Nikoli and Lily downstairs. He refused to leave until Kade came home. Angel didn’t have the energy to fight with him. She came upstairs instead and curled up on the bed, her knees hugged against her chest.

She cried. For the first time since Peter’s funeral, she cried for him. His memory was burned in hers, and even though it hurt to think about him, she let herself. Being that near to siblings cracked the vault, and Peter forced his way out. God, how she missed him.

He’d taken all her fear, balled it up in brotherly love, and tossed it away. Being pregnant, barely legal, and unsure of herself scared the hell out of her back then. He’d made her believe she could do it, that she’d be a good mama. He gave her strength, courage, and resolve.

Right now, Peter would tell her to stop feeling sorry for herself, to get up and kick ass.

But he wasn’t here to tell her anything.

And she couldn’t make herself move. It was all too much. Her walls were cracking, great chunks of the concrete in the dam around her heart falling down into the raging waters of her emotions swirling back to life.

She blamed Kade. Everything was fine when she’d been able to shut off her emotions, to pretend nothing was wrong. He wouldn’t let her. He didn’t even mean to do it, he just did. He was the only man she’d ever loved. Her heart ached for him, forwhat they’d had. Her body craved his touch. It refused to behave like a good little soldier.

Like today when he’d rushed in, scared to death. There had been real fear in his eyes, concern. For her. When he walked away from her, he said he’d never loved her, that it had all been a part of the job. He’d needed her to get close to Peter. The baby had just been collateral damage.

Collateral damage.

She slammed her fist into the mattress. Her anger burned bright, but it couldn’t outshine the fear she’d seen today. It reminded her of the same fear when he’d come to the hospital. Peter told him she’d had an accident, and he’d rushed into her hospital room much the same way he had today.

He was a hell of an actor to pull that off. Part of her refused to believe she meant nothing to him, the part that held out the last vestiges of hope. Maybe he cared, maybe he’d always cared.

Then why the fuck would he say such awful things to her and then walk away? He walked away from us, not the other way around.

A knock broke the solitude of her room, and when the door opened, she didn’t need to look to know who it was. His scent haunted her. She’d know it anywhere. The bed dipped, and she tensed. Why was he here? What did he want? Why couldn’t he just leave her alone? All she wanted was to not have to feel anything, to be able to get up and face the day without a pain so deep it physically hurt to move cutting away at her.

That was what Kade and the memory of them was to her. Pain and grief and rage. It hurt so much. The only way she could live was to forget it all; her survival depended on it. Only how could she do that when he was right there? When he smelled like everything she’d associated with love? He smelled of home, and she couldn’t lie to herself anymore. She loved him. God, sheloved this man so much. The man who’d destroyed her life, and she still loved him.

He couldn’t ever know. He’d destroyed her once. She wouldn’t let him do it again. Her inner voice laughed at her. She knew the truth. She’d never been able to resist him.

She heaved a sob as another wave of despair and pain wracked her, and he moved. He crawled up the bed and pulled her against him. He didn’t say anything. He just held her while she cried. She cried and cried. She cried for Peter, she cried for the nugget, she cried for the man she loved.

She cried.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Kade slipped off the bed after he was sure she’d fallen asleep. Exhaustion had finally claimed her after she’d cried enough to fill a river. He’d never seen Angel cry like that. It did something to him, and he didn’t like how he felt. He knew her tears were because of him, and he hated it.

Maybe he should tell her the truth. Would she even believe him after all these years? As much anger as she had bottled up, he doubted hearing the truth would make any difference. There was no point in waking up sleeping dogs that might only hurt her worse.

He opened the closet and sidestepped Nikoli’s freaky shit and found a blanket on the top shelf. He covered her up then left the room, closing the door behind him. Sleep was the best medicine for her right now.

He found a note from Nikoli downstairs. He and Lily probably left when they figured out he wasn’t coming back downstairs.

Food’s in the fridge. Call me.

His stomach growled, reminding him he hadn’t eaten all day. The clock on the microwave told him it was 11:19. Wow. He’d been upstairs with Angel since a little after four.

A raid of the fridge yielded a pan of lasagna and a plate of garlic bread. He cut himself a very large chunk and took a couple pieces of the bread, which he consumed while he waited on the microwave to nuke his late supper. It smelled divine. Had to be Lily’s. The boy couldn’t boil water. He’d seen Nikoli burn a pan once trying to do just that. He’d forgotten he’d put water on and scorched the pan when it boiled dry.

Once he had his food in hand, he grabbed a beer out of the fridge and settled himself on the living room couch. Nikoli’s white cushions be damned. He was tired, cranky, and would pay for the cleaning if he spilled anything.

He fished out his phone and opened the FaceTime app. He needed to talk to his brother. Dimitri shouldn’t be asleep. It wasn’t that late in L.A. Kade had come to a decision holding Angel while she slept, and he needed advice. Dimitri was the one person who might be able to help him.

“What’s up, brah?”

Kade shook his head at his brother, who had his arm wrapped around a very pretty brunette.

“Brah? Has California finally given you brain rot?”

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