Page 36 of Ted's Temerity
“And not of the fun variety.”
“Nope.”
I feel a flush of relief swoop over and through me at our easy banter now – such a far cry from the tension of last night that I might almost believe I imagined it all.
Until we’re back in the bedroom, pulling off our few items of clothing, and Ted suddenly tenses again. “I really am sorry,” he says, down to only his underwear and looking more lost and uncertain than I’ve ever seen him.
“Ted…” I step towards him, reaching out, wanting nothing more than to comfort and assure him that he hasnothingto apologize for. But he steps back, averting his gaze, as though he’s determined to keep punishing himself.
A bizarre thought stirs inside my head at that. Initially, I scoff at myself, thinking it ridiculous. But, as I continue to stand there, my arm outstretched, wanting desperately to do something, literally anything, to help him, it refuses to leave me alone.
Would it even help?
He’s my Daddy. I’m his boy. What I’m considering right now completely turns that dynamic on its head.
Just put it out there. You thought it yourself: he’s punishing himself. Wipe the slate clean.
Before I can think better of it, I’m clearing my throat and channeling my most authoritative teacher voice, the one I use with the rowdiest of my pre-teen students. “Theodore.”
Thatgets his attention. His head snaps up, his expression startled. “Zephyr, what-?”
“This stops now,” I tell him, still firm, no hint of the boy he’s used to. I stride over to the bed and sit on the edge, keeping my gaze locked on his. “Over my lap,” I demand. “Now.”
He balks. “What?”
“You seem determined to castigate yourself,” I explain, feeling more comfortable with my decision as the realization dawns in his eyes and his shoulders seem to droop, “with no end in sight. We’re taking care of that here and now.” I pat my thigh, covered only by my tight cotton boxer briefs. “Pants down, over my lap. Now.”
His eyes are wide, but he barely hesitates before he complies, dropping his underwear and draping himself over my legs just as instructed. “Good,” I praise, stopping shy of completing the phrase.Good boydoesn’t feel right. Not given our relationship. “Well done,” I add instead.
He doesn’t reply, but he nods jerkily.
There’s obvious tension in his back and shoulders, and I smooth my hand over the expanse of skin, trying to relax him as best I can. “You can safe word at any time,” I tell him softly, “but I want you to understand that after I do this…” I pause and remind myself to be assertive and confident in what I’m doing. I can’t be hesitant about it, not if I want him to take me seriously. “After I spank you, that’s it. You’re absolved of whatever it is you’re beating yourself up about.”
“It’s not that simple,” he finally argues, and it earns him a swift, stinging slap to one perfect, pale ass cheek. He yelps.
“I want you to imagine this as your absolution,” I reiterate firmly. “Compartmentalize everything you’re feeling guilty about and let go as I spank you, Ted. Am I understood?”
“Zeph…”
“Ted.”
It takes a moment, but he exhales slowly and then nods. “I’ll try.”
“That’s all I ask.”
Chapter Fifteen – Ted
If someone had told me even an hour ago that I’d be bent over my boy’s lap for a spanking, I’d probably have laughed my ass off at them. But here I am: body tense with anticipation, expecting the first blow.
Honestly, I’m not sure how this is all going to pan out. But I trust Zephyr. Hell, at this point I might even love him. And he’s right; I’ve been beating myself up about everything. Losing Aiden, not being there for him enough in the weeks preceding the accident, keeping the whole story to myself from my friends and every adult relationship I’ve had…
Well, despite therapy and support groups, it turns out I’ve still got some deep-seated issues about it all. Who knew?
I knew.
Of course I knew.
All these years, pretending I was fine, keeping it all bottled up… Charlie’s concern was probably right on the money, to be honest.
