Page 42 of Chance's Choice
We order Chinese food and, while we wait for it to be delivered, I take Kade into his bedroom and help him change into a pair of training pants emblazoned with a race car, and a set of soft blue pajamas covered in cartoon dogs. Ideally, I’d like the pants to match the outfit, but most of Kade’s Little stuff lives at my place and beggars can’t be choosers.
Twenty minutes later sees our food delivered and I suggest we eat out of the cartons while we watch a movie. Kade picks the originalSpace Jamand we settle in to watch it together. I can’t help but think of the first time we did this exact same thing. We would have been ten or eleven years old, and we hired the VHS from Blockbuster, then got pizzas and had a sleepover at my house. Even back then, I think I loved him. Though, at the time, it was more platonic than romantic.
Tonight, we find ourselves positioned the same way we were all those years ago, with Kade sprawled out across the couch and his head in my lap, my legs propped up on the coffee table in front of us. Empty food containers litter the previously pristine surface, but this time my mom isn’t going to come in and pitch a fit about the mess. Instead, I’ll clean it up becauseI’mthe responsible adult.
“Daddy?” Kade asks me midway through the movie. His voice sounds sweeter and younger than I’ve ever heard it. When I look down at him, I can’t help but gently brush his hair out of his eyes.
“Hmm?”
“Do you ‘member when we first saw this?”
I can feel the grin splitting my face. “I was just thinking about that, baby.”
“You said you was gonna be a basketball star.” He giggles. The sound is a balm to my lingering agitation from earlier.
“To be fair, it was the 90s.Everyonesaid they wanted to be basketball stars.” It was a huge fad at school. Kids wore their team jerseys to school, had team branded pencil cases and other merch, andSpace Jamwas one of the most popular movies for kids our age, even if we did pretend that we were too old for cartoons. It had Michael Jordan in it, damn it. How could thatnotbe cool?
Kade scrunches his nose. “I didn’t wanna.”
“No, I know.”
“I wanted to be a astronaut.”
The lapsing of proper grammar is so insanely adorable. I know it’s the stress of the day sending him so deep into his headspace, but I can’t help enjoying it.
“I remember,” I smile softly, waving a hand towards the TV while I speak. “So, while I liked watching this for the basketball, you liked it for all the aliens and spacey stuff.”
He turns his head back towards the screen and nods. “Yup.”
God, I love him.
Just chilling on the couch like this, not doing anything even remotely sexual or even all that romantic, and my heart can barely contain just how strongly I feel about him. I adore everything about him, from the softness of his naturally blonde hair, to the elegant slope of his nose, to his fine jawline, and further on to the man behind the pretty features. He stood up to my dad and lost his job over it. If that doesn’t prove how strong and good he is, I don’t know what will.
I spend the remainder of the movie watching him. Watching as the stress of the day takes its toll and makes his eyelids heavy. Watching as he drifts off to sleep, snuggled in my lap, trusting me to keep the inevitable nightmares at bay. I pick up the remote from where I’d left it beside me and click the power button on the TV, plunging the living room into darkness, illuminated only by moonlight the twinkling lights from the city outside his window.
“Come on, baby,” I murmur gently, easing myself out from under him as he grumbles in his sleep. “Let’s get to bed.”
He cracks bleary blue eyes open. “Bed?”
“Uh huh. Potty first.”
I can’t help chuckle as he scrunches up his nose and complains, “Don’t wanna. Comfy here.”
“You won’t be comfy if you stay here, I promise. Couches aren’t great for backs.”
He grizzles some more as he pushes himself into a seated position, then up to his feet, but then I surprise him by picking him up and forcing his legs around my waist. He’s petite, and I’m stronger than I look. Sure, I can’t carry him far, but the way he clings to me and hides his face in the crook of my neck is worth the effort of getting him down the short hallway and into his master bathroom.
I set him down in front of the toilet and turn him to face it, smothering a laugh when he just blinks at the waiting porcelain bowl owlishly.
“Need help, baby?”
Kade nods, his cheeks going pink.
We’ve done this before, but I still feel the need to check in. “Color?”
“Gween, Daddy.”
My heart stutters. I hadn’t thought he could get more adorable, but he proved me wrong. Even though I love his usual headspace, there’s something special about seeing him sink lower, to something even younger, and more vulnerable. This isn’t for anyone else. This is what he needs, and I’m beyond grateful that he trusts me enough to let me be here for him.
